


Welcome to the Family.

by musicloverx



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Eating Disorders, F/M, Family, Friendship, Future Fic, Kid Fic, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post Mpreg, Post-Divorce, Recovery, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-01-19 13:39:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 59,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1471825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicloverx/pseuds/musicloverx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If someone had told them that twenty years later they would end up here - they would have laughed. But despite the madness, crying children , yelling teenagers and the dysfunctional mess that seemed to follow where ever they went; not one of them would change it for the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope people enjoy this chapter of my new fic. I wanted to write something a bit more light hearted than Lifestories -which i'll be continuing at the same time :D Please leave any comments or thoughts- Id love to hear what you think :D xx

Liam ran a tired hand over his face – he was getting to old for this crap. As the clock edged closer to two am, he almost gave up hope. Trust Alex to pick the night that Louis was away; he had to deal with a 5 child school run single handedly in –ooh 4 hours time and to top it off it was swap over day. Brilliant- just brilliant. Why in God’s name had he believed Alex when he said that he was just going to watch a movie and then be back home before 11? Maybe it was being overwhelmed by 4 other children and the prospect of losing a hormonal teenager for a few hours was too appealing. Call him a bad parent but there were only so many haughty stares he could take in one day. Apparently not being allowed a fake ID just because his parents were ‘washed up old pop stars’ was ‘sooo unfair’. The very fact he was a spitting image of Harry and would be very easily recognised was apparently ‘not the point ‘. He wished Louis was here- he knew how to handle these things. Not only was he was going have to deal with a drunk Alex now, he would also have to deal with a undoubtedly hung-over Alex tomor—this morning. He point blank refused to phone in sick. They had enough problems getting him to attend school as it was – what with neither of his Dads or Liam having A-levels. Nick had a degree- he thinks – but Nick wasn’t exactly the poster child for staying in school. God why couldn’t they bring back the days where all he had to do was drive Alex to the cinema or to football practise. He wasn’t letting the others grow up- as far as he was concerned they could be 14 and under for life.

            He heard a slight crash in the outside porch and winced. If that was Lola’s pot – he was going to have a very unhappy ten year old on his hands tomorrow morning. Dragging himself off the sofa- he tried to muster up the strength to deal with the following events. Please God let it just be him. He definitely couldn’t deal with some drunken teenage girl on his hands. Loud drunken voices bounced off the walls of hallway- just great there was someone else.

 

“Shh- don’t wake up the fam..”

 

A sigh of relieve left Liam’s mouth as the voice that responded was a male one. Alex’s best friend Freddie, if he could recognise it correctly.

 

“I thought your lot were away?”

 

“Dad is but Liam and the others are still here!”

 

Liam took that as his cue to enter; crossing his arms across his chest as he took in the scene in front.

 

“Yes he is- and very much awake!”

 

The two incredibly drunk looking boys at least had the respect to stop and a flash of guilt even passed through Freddie’s eyes. Unlike Alex who simply shot him a winning grin. But Liam had seen that grin one too many times on Harry’s face to be swung by it. It was scary how similar two people could look. The lanky figure and brown curls all identical to Harry’s except from the bright blue eyes that were most definitely Louis’. Alex even dressed like a younger Harry – ripped black skinny jeans and an artfully baggy jumper. Liam swore if a bandana appeared in his hair he would actually believe Alex was a clone. It was only when he was standing there that he noticed the smell- great not only were they both hammered but high as well. Wasn’t this going to a bundle of laughs to explain to Harry when he picked him up tomorrow.

 

“Hey sorry mate – I know I’ve looked after your son for almost 17 years – but well he went out and got stoned and drunk on a Thursday night. Fancy a cup of tea? How’s you and Nick?’ Yeah because that was going to blow over well.

 

“Liam – what are you doing? Fancied joining in the party?”

 

Alex stumbled a bit whilst walking towards Liam – having to grip onto the bannister rail for support. This was apparently hysterical – sending Alex and Freddie into fits of giggles. It took all of Liam’s strength not to yell- he wasn’t going to add to the possibility of waking the others up – he definitely didn’t need any other grouchy children on his hands at breakfast.

 

“Alex- it’s two in the morning- you were meant be home at eleven after your FILM evening!”

 

“Oops!”

 

Alex fell into a further series of giggles whilst Freddie looked slightly worried- well as worried as someone who is both slightly drunk and spaced can look.

 

“I REALLY don’t think- Oops- is going to cover this one! Not only are you completely out of it but it’s a school night Alex. What were you thinking?!”

 

At this Alex ‘s giggling ceased and he hit Liam with a sullen smirk.

 

“So?”

 

Liam was two seconds away from loosing it. He was tired; missing Louis and had too much going on to cope with this Louis-Harry hybrid calmly. Taking a deep breath – he mustered up as much superiority as he could.

 

“So is really not going to cut it! Go into the living room now and sit your butt down on the sofa before you break anything.”

 

Freddie awkwardly interrupted.

 

“About that…”

 

“Without breaking anything else!”

 

Alex didn’t move- simply levelling Liam with a glare. If it was a staring contest he wanted that’s what he was going to get. He had years of experience of dealing with Louis and Harry. He would be blown if he was going to beaten by their son.

 

“Now Alex.”  

 

At least a minute passed with Freddie standing their awkwardly swaying slightly in his drunken bliss, before Alex moved towards the living room – shoving purposively into Liam’s shoulder as he passed. Liam didn’t have the energy to react- not every battle was worth fighting.

 

“Do I need to ring your parents to pick you up Freddie?”

 

“Nah your good Sir, they’re in Dubai.”

 

He breathed an internal sigh of relief. Liam had met Freddie’s parents at some school parent social. To say he was a little intimidated by them was an understatement. Freddie’s family were from old money and his parents had certainly not been impressed by the gathering that was Louis, Liam, Harry and Nick. He doubted they had heard of One Direction or had ever even listened to Radio One. The very fact that they had rushed into the meeting late , interrupting the head mistresses speech probably hadn’t helped the matter- especially with Harry and Nick bickering over colours of their sitting room in not so hushed voices upon their dramatic arrival.

 

“Right well… Shall I drive you back?”

 

Liam prayed that he declined- he really really didn’t want to leave Alex by himself with others asleep upstairs.

 

“No it’s fine- I’ll just get a taxi.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

As much as he wanted to stay with Alex and although they may live in Primrose Hill not Hackney, he couldn’t let some drunken 17-year-old wonder through the streets at 2am.

 

Even in a drunken haze Freddie managed to straighten himself up and meet Liam’s eye with a steady gaze. Why couldn’t’ Freddie’s manners rub off on Alex?

 

“Honestly it’s not a problem Sir. I rang one when we were on the way back to pick me up. “

 

Relieved not to hear anything smash in the room behind him, Liam shot Freddie a grateful smile. He was under no impression that Freddie had forced Alex to go out. By looks of things, Alex was definitely the drunker of the two.

 

“Once again- sorry for waking you Sir. Wont happen again.”

 

“That would definitely be a good plan.”

 

Liam walked Freddie to the door- watching with hidden amusement as he tried valiantly to walk in a straight line in front of Liam. As much as Alex may think his family are old fuddy duddies, Liam could still fondly remember the nights when they had all tried to act sober as they walked past paparazzi when coming out nightclubs or one too many Brits after parties. As they reached the front door, Liam was pleased to see the flash of the taxi headlights through the window next to them. He waited till Freddie had successfully got into the taxi- shooting Liam one last apologetic smile- before he turned and shut the door. Leaning against it he took a deep breath, before forcing himself towards the mess that awaited him in the surprisingly quiet living room.

           

            Upon entering it wasn’t hard to work out the reason for the lack of sound. Collapsed across the sofa feet sticking off the end, Alex was fast asleep arm hanging lopsidedly by his side. Liam walked over, letting out an exasperated sigh before stroking the curls tenderly out of Alex’s eyes. Asleep he looked so peaceful- nothing like the angry teenager that had made an appearance earlier. Liam rubbed his eyes wearily before walking into kitchen to fetch a glass of water and some Paracetamol. He placed them on the coffee table next to Alex, before he grabbed the throw over the adjacent sofa and placed it carefully over Alex’s sleeping figure. Liam brushed his hand through Alex’s hair before turning to make his was up to bed for the few hours’ sleep he could grab before he had to be up. Just as he was leaving the room, he retreated back into the room and placed the bin next to Alex’s head. He would be damned if he had to wake up to a living room that smelt of sick.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoys this next chapter :D x
> 
> There is some mentions of drug usage in this chapter.

6 am came around far too quickly for his liking. In fact the possibility of throwing his alarm at the wall was incredibly alluring. Reaching around in the darkness- I blindly grasped for the wretched device. Eventually he managed to find the off/sleep button- whichever one he had pressed at least had stopped the relentless beeping. He had done early mornings for years- travelling around the world is not a career that lends to lie ins and at some points he would have even dubbed himself a morning person. Five kids later and the novelty of early mornings had soon worn offer. Liam instinctively leaned out his arm for Louis on the other side of the bed and filled with disappointment as his had was only met with cotton of the bed sheet. It always felt like a bit of him was missing whenever Louis was away. Stretching arms above his head, Liam yawned. Today was going to be a long day.

            Tearing himself out of bed and still in complete darkness from the black out curtains, Liam wondered blindly in the vague direction of the window. Running on autopilot Liam felt his toes reach the edge of the carpet and instinctively reached up to pull up the blinds, keeping his eyes shut in case of bright morning sunlight. Gradually opening his eyes Liam took in the garden bathed in glorious sunshine.  He was relieved – with everyone coming over later it would be nice to be outside instead all crammed inside the living room. It also meant less tidying up which Liam couldn’t help but feel relieved about.

He stood there for a moment before his brain kicked in. Coffee. His brain needed coffee. Grabbing an old Nike hoodie and throwing it on, Liam walked downstairs with trepidation of what he may find.

            The first thing he noted was that he definitely couldn’t smell sick. Definitely a bonus. However there was definitely a lingering smell of cannabis in the air. Fab – the house now smells of a crack den. He would definitely be cracking open the windows this morning. Walking wearily into the kitchen, he opened the blind letting the sun light the room before jabbing viciously at the button on the coffee machine. Today was definitely an extra shot day. Waiting for the machine, Liam quickly set out the cereals and bowls. Each bowl was specialised and painted by the person it belonged to. As he came across Lola’s bowl his heart filled with dread as he remembered the fate of her pot from last night. She had made it a school over the last month and had been so proud of it when she bought it home- showing every person that came through the door. That’s why Liam and Louis has suggested she put in the porch that way everyone could see it. The fact that was it was safer there from destruction by one of her brothers was never mentioned. Or it was meant to be safer. He was not dealing with that one. Although she looked a lot like Liam- Lola had certainly inherited Louis’ flare for the dramatics and could throw a tantrum like no ones business.Yep Alex was definitely with that one. A slight beep in the room let him know his coffee was ready – the smell alone in the room was clearly the haze slightly in his brain.  Clutching the mug between his hands, he decided it was time to go and see what the sitting room had in store.

            Upon entering he was again pleasantly surprised by absence of any vile smell. IN fact the room looke just how he had left it last night- water and pain killers still left untouched on the coffee table. The only thing that changed was that Alex was now completely spread eagled over the sofa – blanket strewn over the floor.- mouth wide open with one arm flung across his eyes. If only Liam had his phone with him he could have taken a photo and uploaded it to his Instagram. Then who would have the last laugh.

            Deciding he would wake the others before he dealt with Alex, Liam closed the living room door gently behind him. Drinking his coffee as he walked up the stairs – Liam mentally ran over the list of jobs he had to today- at least he would be able to see the others later and then tomorrow Louis would be home. It had only been three days but he missed him terribly. Not only with his help with the kids but also he missed his ongoing laughter; passionate hugs and the way could calm Liam with a simple touch or smile. Regardless of their differences they worked – they had their ups and downs but they worked through them together and the family they had created was Liam’s proudest achievement.

 

Nudging gently against his and Louis’ eldest door with his shoulder was surprised to find Leo already awake and sitting up in his playing on his tablet.

 

“Hey mate – you’re up early.”

 

Leo looked up surprised , shaking his blonde wavy hair out of his eyes as Liam walked towards him sitting down on the bed next to him.

 

“Not worried about anything are you?”

 

“No just couldn’t sleep very well after a certain someone’s return last night.”

 

At fourteen years old, Leo was well aware of Alex’s antics. Growing up Leo had always been slightly in awe of Alex trailing behind him like a lost puppy. But upon reaching secondary school- Louis and Liam had been happy to Leo find his own friends and developing in confidence having lived in Alex’s shadow for so long. Liam cocked his head and frowned into his coffee before placing into onto the bedside cabinet.

 

“Ahh. Heard that did you?”

 

Leo smiled tiredly.

 

“Yeah. Although you gotta admit it was kinda funny Dad- well some bits anyway.”

 

“Mmm. Bet he wont be feeling as funny this morning especially after facing Harry and I.”

 

Leo grimaced.

 

“I don’t envy him that one for sure.”

 

Liam ruffled his hair affectionately.

 

“Just make sure you never do anything like Bud and we’ll be fine.”

 

Leo replied before he could catch himself.

 

“From what I’ve seen – I cant imagine ever doing what he’s done.”

 

Liam froze before fixing Leo with a serious expression.

 

“And what do you mean by seen? There wouldn’t happen to photos on Facebook or what ever you use is there?”

 

“Um no.”

 

The reply was way too quick to be believable.

 

“C’mon show me. I wont rat you out I promise.”

 

Leo looked torn but after a few seconds later passed his tablet over.

 

“As long as you swear not to tell him I’ve shown you these.”

 

“I promise. And if by some miracle he happens to find out – I wouldn’t worry he’ll be dealing with enough s.h.i.t from the rest of us to even have time to bother you.”

 

Looking down at the large screen, Liam was greeted by a photo– Alex front and centre in the outfit he was wearing last night grinning at the camera surrounded by a group Liam recognised some of. It would have been a nice photo until his eyes glanced down at the table in front displaying some rather unmistakable white lines. Liam felt his blood boil. Swiping to the next photo did nothing to settle his anger. Alex and a few of his mates lying in the centre of a road – all looking completely spaced and incredibly proud of their photo set up.

 

Liam looked to the ceiling and slowly counted before handing the tablet back. Alex may not his biologically but he had damn well helped raise him with Louis since little after he was born. He could of sworn that instilled him with some common sense and he had still held unto the fact even in this ‘moody’ phase that his morals still remained. Obviously not.

 

Leo looked slightly concerned as he took the tablet back from Liam.

 

“He’s dead isn’t he.”

 

“ That’s his problem not yours don’t you worry. Just get ready eh- don’t want to be late for your big day at school for your Lacrosse match do you.”

 

“You remember that?”

 

“Of course I do- there may be a lot of you and some more … demanding than others but I don’t forget about you .”

 

The proud smile that Liam received off Leo almost made up for the shitness of the morning.

 

“I wont let you down Dad!”

 

Liam stood up off the bed, picking up his coffee turning back just as reached the door.

 

“I know you wont superstar.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What Leo would look like :  
> http://blog.divabelle.com//HLIC/2b347d1b694aa4e45010d1c04f7d641f.jpg
> 
> The house haha :D :  
> http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-39287011.html


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read the story so far - hope you enjoy the update :D x

Waking the others was relatively easy. Lola had always been a morning person even as a baby and still being at an age when school was exciting- all it took was gentle caress of her forehead and a kiss on her button nose, for her brown eyes to flutter open.

 

“Good morning sleepy head.”

 

A yawn spreads through her little face before she smiles sleepily up at Liam.

 

“Morning Daddy. Is it time for school?”

 

“It sure is chicken- you ok getting yourself sorted.”

 

Lola rolled her eyes at Liam.

 

“I am ten and a half now Daddy!”

 

Liam chuckled.

 

“Sorry princess- how could I forget.”

 

“I’ll let you off this time.”

 

Ruffling her hair playfully he walked away – turning the dimer switch by the door revealing the pink infested room.

 

“See you downstairs in a bit sweet heart.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

There was a fleeting moment when Alex woke up that he felt normal- bfore the banging started.  all of a sudden it was like a gun had gone of in his brain. His ears were ringing, his mouth was dry as fuck and his back was killing him. Squinting his eyes open he immediately wished he hadn't as the excruciatingly bright light sent an additional set of drums in his already banging head. From what he could tell from the brief second his eyes were open was that one he wasn't in his room and two he was almost certain he was in his living room. Not wanting to open his eyes again but knowing that he should really probably confirm his location before there was some search party out for him, he reluctantly slowly opened one eye. Yep - definitely his sitting room and how the hell had a he ended up here on the sofa?!

With one eye adjusting to the light Alex took the risk of opening the other. The lounging wasn't as bad this time - at least allowing him to keep both eyes open without wanting to die inside. Across from him Alex spotted a glass of water and two white tablets and although he throat and head we're dying out for water and paracetamol, they could only mean one thing- Liam. Alex let out a groan - half pain half the knowledge that he was totally screwed. He slowly sat up praying for the waves of nausea pass- noticing the bucket next to him. In different circumstances he would find it hilarious but the fact that he was about a minute from using it made the situation decidedly less amusing. He slowly reached out for the glass of water before taking slow steady sips. The water was heaven to his throat and seemed to be calming his the nauseas thankfully. Finally, he took the tablets sending a secret thank you for having parents that knew hangover essentials - not that he would ever admit that to them- and hoped to God they'd kick in fast.

Relaxing back into the sofa, Alex pulled out his phone from his back pocket planning on shooting Freddie and the gang a text about meeting up at the Bluebird cafe later for brunch later and getting some details on what had happened last night. At least it was a Saturday today and Liam and the kids would be out all... Shit. The screen on his phone flashed the date clearly into his face. It was Friday. Fuck. Which meant he had gone to the house party both Liam and his Dad had told him he couldn't. Which also meant he was well and truly screwed. His headache resumed as the night’s events returned to him at full force alongside his not so quiet return home. He was literally a dead man walking. Staring at his phone with despair Alex looked it with desperation praying for him to have read the date wrong. All he wanted to do was curl into a ball and sleep for the morning. Another part of Alex died as he read through a text from Freddie.  
  
' Say sorry to Liam from me. Mega night though last night- totally hanging so probably won't see you at school. You were so funny last - catch ya later. Fx '  
  
Little wanker- no one would be forcing him to school with both his parents off in Dubai. Unlike him who basically had 6 Dads - one of which he had no doubt would not let him miss the first lesson of school today let alone the whole day. It was worth a shot - the thought of sitting his AS English class actually made him feel a little more sick than he already did. Gingerly lifting himself off the sofa- he made his way to the kitchen in search of coffee.   
  
Just as Alex sat down at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands as waited for his coffee, he heard the kitchen door creak open. Shooting a quick glance across he was relieved to see it was Leo entering the kitchen and returned to his previous position. He listened as Leo filled a bowl of cereal before coming and sitting down at the table.  
  
"Good night then with Freddie eh?"   
  
Alex shot Leo a withering glare - noting Leo's smirk as he dug into a bowl of Cheerios the very sight of which were beginning to make Alex's stomach turn.  
  
"You know Dads pissed right?"  
  
Snapping his head upright Alex once again focused his glare onto Leo noting with a smug satisfaction that this time that the smug expression vanished.  
  
"Are you just here to piss me off and state the obvious or what- cos' I'm sure there's a million other rooms that you could be sitting in right now."  
  
God his voice sounded awful - what the hell had be doing last night.  
  
"And how the fuck do you know who I was with?"  
  
Leo scratched his head nervously before mumbling something that distinctly sounded like Facebook into his cereal bowl.  
  
If there were photos on Facebook and Leo had seen them it would mean that some of Nick, Harry, Liam and Louis' friends would see them- which would undoubtedly end up in them telling one of his Dads. Depending on their contents-he could pretty much guarantee his impending doom.  
  
First thing first - he needed to see these photos. As he logged into Facebook on his phone he heard the door creak open once again and looked up to see a tired looking Liam entering with Matilda balanced on his hip.

 

Liam was surprised to see two bodies in the kitchen especially with one of them being Alex. Although he was glad that at least he was spared dragging him out of bed- that would have really topped off his already stellar morning. He was satisfied to see a brief flash of panic across Alex’s face even though it was quickly replaced with a scowl. Choosing to ignore him whilst still holding Matilda – in fear of her safety and ear drums- Liam walked over to Matilda’s seat and place her carefully down. He watched as Leo’s eyes flashed warily between him and Alex- obviously waiting for any immanent explosion. After her had finished sorting Matilda with her breakfast, he turned to face the boys. A few moments passed without Alex looking at him or offering any vague resemblance of an apology- too busy staring intently at his phone leaning his head on the other hand. He’d had enough.

 

“I think I’ll be taking that thank you.”

 

Alex let a squawk as Liam swiftly grabbed the phone out his hand mid scroll.

 

‘Hey! I was using…”

 

“Do you really want to go there right now?”

 

“You could have at least asked!”

 

Apparently he did. A hungover Alex was obviously also an unwise one. Anyone who knew Liam well knew that he was normally the calmest member of One Direction but if he snapped- God help that person. After seventeen years, Alex still didn’t seem to have got the message.

 

“ Leo would you mind taking Tillie upstairs and getting her dressed for me.”

 

Liam watched as Leo looked anxiously between his Dad and brother whilst at the same time looking slightly disappointed that he would be missing out on their showdown.

 

“Sure thing Dad. Do you want me to check Lola and Noah as well?”

Liam smiled warmly at Leo.

 

“That would be amazing- thanks so much bud.”

 

At that Leo left with Matilda in his arms - gently shutting the door behind him leaving Liam and Alex alone.

 

“Fancy telling me what on earth was going on last night?”

 

Instead of replying, Alex put his head in his hands and avoided looking in Liam’s eye.

 

“Really Alex. Not going to answer. Because I’d really love to know why I was awake on a Thursday night at TWO AM waiting for you drunken ass to come home!”

 

Liam was not expecting the sullen reply.

 

“What’s the point – you don’t care what I have to say.”

 

Taking a few deep breaths to calm his anger, Liam gripped the counter top behind him to prevent him running forward and straggling him.

 

“As I deserve an answer Alex because of right now all I can gather is that after we all repeatedly told you it wasn’t appropriate to go – you seemed to make your own decision that LYING to me was the way forward!”

 

Confident he wasn’t going to put Alex in any physical danger, Liam strode forward to stand in front of Alex’s sullen form.

 

“And I would appreciate it if you would have the decency to look at me right now!”

 

Alex looked up and glared right up at Liam.

 

“Everyone else…”

 

“I don’t give a shit if the whole bloody country was going Alex- we had said NO and you know why! We never said you cant have friends round here for few drinks at the weekend but I DO NOT want my son coming in completely off his face on school night walking up his ENTIRE family!”

 

‘Don’t want me making you look bad is that- it’s always about you guys- you don’t care what I may want at ALL!”

 

That was it – he was done with being calm.

 

“DO NOT GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW! You just didn’t like the fact that you weren’t getting your own way. If you don’t want to explain that to me now – you can explain it to your Dad later because right now I’m about two seconds from chucking this precious phone of yours out the window!”

 

“You wouldn’t…”

 

“Oh believe me I would!

 

Alex’s head was ringing more than ever with the shouting and the reminder that his Dad would be coming later just about topped his day off. Shit dealing with this day hungover was going to suck.

 

“Now please go and get and ready for school.”

 

“But…”

 

“SERIOUSLY Alex- if you think you are getting out of school just because your hungover than you can forget it.”

 

Liam watched as Alex stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him and slumped into the closest chair. Flicking Alex’s phone onto the table – the screen lit up to show the screen saver of him and Noah. The picture made Liam smile despite the situation, but the smile quickly vanished when an incoming text popped up.

 

‘You left your spliff at mine last night mate. You were on fire btw. Hope you manage to find the ID I made you – if not just drop me a text and I’ll get my brother on another for you.”

 

Banging his head on the table, Liam wished the ground would swallow him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex's phone photo :D : http://assets.gcstatic.com/u/apps/asset_manager/uploaded/2013/15/harry-styles-on-a-segway-instagram-1366104678-custom-0.png


	4. Chapter 4

By some miracle by ten to eight, Liam and 4 out of 5 kids were stood in the hall way ready to go. Much to Liam’s relief , Lola had yet to notice the missing pot that he had quickly swept up from the porch earlier. Checking his watch , he sighed and tapped his foot as they waited for Alex’s appearance – so help him if he had decided to go to sleep. Sensing his father’s nerves , Leo grabbed Tillie and Noah’s hands and gestured to Liam that he would go and get them seated in the car.  He watched fondly at their retreating backs as Lola followed the trio out talking animatedly about their new art project at school. Thank God he had one son who wasn’t hell bent on pissing him off.

 

“Alex- we’re leaving!”

 

No reply. Liam walked towards the stairs and yelled up again.

 

“ALEX! Will you ple…”

 

“Alright, alright I’m coming. Jeez”

 

A brief wave of relief passed through him as he saw Alex’s lanky frame dawdle down the stairs. Sunglasses firmly pressed to his eyes, Harry’s old blue check shirt draped over a grey t shirt and dark blue skinny jeans- he looked the definition of hung-over.

 

“Do you have everything with you?”

 

Liam could sense the eye roll even from behind the tinted lenses.

 

“God sake- I’m 17 I can organise my own life.”

 

“Really – haven’t seen much evidence of that lately.”

 

Alex sent Liam a haughty glare before strutting out the front door letting Liam trail behind him car keys swinging between his fingers. He watched as Alex slammed the door of car behind him. Good luck to his teachers today- they were in for a barrel of laughs.

 

Liam slid into the driving seat – checking behind him to see that they were all safely strapped in.

 

“All ready to go?”

 

He was greeted by a sea of nods and a “yes Daddy” from Lola and three year old Tillie. Alex simply crossed his arms across his chest and sunk lower into his seat.

 

Just as they were stuck in slight bout of early morning traffic- Liam’s mobile began to ring with Louis flashed across the screen. Without helping himself, a smile struck across Liam’s face and Alex sunk even lower into his chair after reading the name.

 

“Who wants to talk to Daddy Lou?”

 

He watched as grins crossed each of the faces as he turned back round and accepted the call, Louis’ loud unmistakable voice filling the car.

 

“Morning my gorgeous family!”

 

A series of “morning daddy’ and “Sup Dad’ filled the car except from Alex who remained silent in the seat next to Liam.

 

“Morning Lou- how’s it going?”

 

“Not bad babes- the contestants are all nice so easier than last year.”

 

Louis had taken over Dermot’s role in the recent reboot of Xfactor. It meant that he could stay close to home if Liam was away for touring apart from the short period where he would have to go to judges houses.

 

“That’s good news – still planning on flying back this evening?”

 

“Yeah- everthings bang on schedule. Can’t wait to see you all again. Hear what you’ve all been up too!”

 

Liam watched as a grimace crossed Alex’s face.

 

“Anyway I just rang to wish Leo luck with your match today!”

 

Leo’s face lit up at the fact Louis had remembered.

 

“Ahh thanks Dad! Yeah it should be good- may even get the chance to start the match today coach said. “

 

“So proud of you bud- anyway sorry my loves but I must run – gotta finish off some last minute interviews.”

 

“Don’t’ worry Lou- I’ll ring back when I’m in the studio at some point.”

 

“All right my love- speak soon. Have a good day everybody!”

 

Despite of everything that morning, Liam was proud that he had that at 8:25 all he had left to do was drop Alex off at school having successfully got the others on time to their respective schools and Leo to the school that he was playing his match. Even when it was both him and Louis doing the school run it would have been an achievement. Through out the journey , Alex had yet to say a word and after they had delivered Lola and an awkward silence fell over the car.

 

“Any chance I might get my phone back?”

 

Liam shot Alex a pointed look.

 

“Why? Worried I might read something?”

 

“That would be an invasion of privacy!”

 

“Right now you don’t have a right to any privacy. But don’t worry I’ll let you know when Zach’s found your fake ID.”

 

Liam was sure he deserved a medal for the fact that he managed to get that out with yelling. Alex visibly froze and panic flashed across his face.

 

“Liam I…”

 

“Don’t even bother Alexander. After we REPEATEDLY told you that we didn’t want you to have one – you went and got one anyway. And right now Im too tired and hacked off to deal with this – so we can wait till this afternoon where you can so kindly explain what the hell had been going through your mind lately.”

 

Upon finishing his sentence they had arrived outside the school’s gates.

 

“Just go. Now. And so help me God if I get a phone call from your school today!”

 

For the first time all morning, Liam watched as Alex nervously glanced at him before swiftly exiting the car. Watching as Alex hurried away from the car, Liam allowed himself a brief moment to collapse onto the steering wheel.

 

* * *

 

 

Unfortunately for Liam, his luck for traffic ran out and he arrived 15 minutes late into the studio. Thankfully he’d had the radio to keep him company- Nick’s inane banter keeping him chuckling despite the ongoing car queues.  He walked into the studio to find Niall and Zayn already sitting there – Niall strumming on his guitar and Zayn typing away on phone.

 

“So so sorry I’m late guys- manic morning.”

 

“Jeez Li- you look knackered. What have those kids been doing to you? I thought Perrie and I had it rough with the twins teething!”

 

Liam sank onto the sofa next Zayn.

 

“Alex.”

 

Niall and Zayn exchanged a glance.

 

“Do we dare ask?”

 

Reaching into his back pocket Liam grabbed Alex’s phone and opened the text he had read earlier this morning before passing it over to the boys.

 

“Ohh man I would not like to be Alex right now.”

 

“What have you said?”

 

Liam looked into the concerned faces of his two best friends. Alex had been the first child of One Direction and despite the fact he was born in bizarre circumstances each one of the boys felt a protective over him.

 

“Nothing right now- I was too afraid of exploding. I just said he could it explain it to Harry later.”

 

Zayn squeezed Liam’s shoulder.

 

“He’s your son too mate – I know biologically he’s Harry’s and Lou’s but you’re as much as father to him as you are to Leo and the others.”

 

Liam smiled sadly.

 

“Yeah I know – I just … He’s been so difficult lately especially with Lou away. I know he’s a teenager or whatever but I never remember being like this.”

 

Niall laughed.

 

“No offence but we didn’t really have normal teenage years. “

 

‘Yeah I suppose not. It’s just I know Nick and Harry have been going through a rough patch at the moment and this is last thing they need to be dealing with right now.”

 

Zayn rolled his eyes.

 

“They’re not going to blame you Li- I’m sure if anything Harry would rather know what his son was up to rather than you keep it from him.”

 

“If anything H would probably appreciate a little honesty right now.”

 

There was an edge to Niall’s voice that was rare – Harry and him had developed a close friendship during One Direction after everything went wrong with him and Louis.

 

Despite everything that was going on with Alex at least Liam and the knowledge that things were fine between him and Louis.

 

“Yeah I was going to ask him about that this afternoon- weren’t they seeing a councillor or something today?”

 

“Mmm – I think his mum convinced him to stop hiding from their issues.”

 

Liam liked Nick. Maybe it was the fact they had been through the whole ‘Harry-Louis- Alex’ situation together but him and Nick had always had a bit of a mutual camaraderie. He maybe loud and occasionally obnoxious ( a bit like Louis), but his heart was always in the right place and he loved Harry. That Liam was sure of.

 

“When did we all get old and start having all these ‘adult’ issues?”

 

Zayn leaned back and laugh.

 

“Speak for yourself Li- not all of us have sons smoking weed.”

 

If it had been anyone else Liam would have take offence, but the playful glint in Zayn’s eye had him laughing along.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who has read so far :D hope you keep enjoying it! :D x

It was nice to all work together again in the studio. There was no one Liam liked working with better than Niall, Zayn , Harry and of course Louis. Any other song writer he had paired with had never quite felt right but with they boys it just – well it just worked.

 

It was just what he needed today aswell- to have a laugh with his mates and forget that he was no longer nineteen and touring as part of One Direction.  Liam laughed as Niall tired and failed to flip open the beer bottle cap with his thumb , just as his phone started to vibrate in his pocket.

 

“This better not be Alex’s school.”

 

Accepting the phone call without checking the name, Liam reclined into his seat.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Well hello Mr Happy.”

 

Louis. With just hearing his voice Louis felt like a switch had been flicked within him and a wave of calm spread over him.

 

“Hey Lou.”

 

Upon hearing Louis’ name, Niall and Zayn exchanged a glance before motioning that they were going to take a quick break.  Liam smiled gratefully at them – glad they sensed that he needed some time with Louis.

 

“You alright babes- you sounded tired earlier?”

 

“I just—I’m just missing you that’s all.”

 

“Ahh babes- I’m missing you too. Its not the same with out you. Or even the kids.”

 

Sensing Liam’s hesitation at the end of the phone, Louis probed again.

 

“Are you sure that’s it? Alex not giving you any trouble. I didn’t hear his voice on the phone earlier”

 

Remembering Zayn’s words that Alex was as good as is, Liam replied steadily.

 

“Nothing I can’t deal with- just get yourself home safely.”

 

“Only if you’re sure- “

 

“Positive.”

 

“Listen I gotta go – but Ill ring you later this evening. Love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

 

“Good day at school munchkins?”

 

A beaming Lola ran into his outstretched arms, followed swiftly by Noah.

 

A day in the studio had done him some good and despite the lack of sleep he felt considerably calmer this afternoon than he had that morning. Singing had always been a type of therapy for Liam- getting lost in the melody and lyrics was his escape.

 

“Miss Pip said we are going to start doing the school musical this week and that I could be a main role!”

 

At the same time as Lola’s verbal assault he was enthusiastically handed a drawing by Noah who looked up at him expectantly- waiting for some form of  appreciation. It was nothing he wasn’t used to- in fact he prided himself on being able to cope with younger kids. Being talked at by multiple children at once was something you had to learn to cope with when you were a Dad of five children. With the knowledge that Lola would happily chat to her self for a couple of minutes and not notice Liam’s lack of response- he looked down at the drawing he had received from Noah.  Despite only being five, Noah’s drawing skills were quite developed for his age. Potentially as the result of being the 4th child with 2 of his elder siblings rather hogging any spotlight, leaving him time to just sit quietly and draw. In many respects he reminded Liam of a younger Zayn. The picture in front of him was clearly a drawing of Noah with Louis and Liam labelled proudly ‘ Me and my Daddies’. Ruffling Noah’s hair, Liam smiled affectionately at Noah.

“This is fab bud- I love it.”

 

“Im gunna have to practise everyday – Daddy will you help me pick a song.?”

 

He was pleased to see that his prediction that Lola wouldn’t pick up on his limited attention, but with the mention of her audition song choice his heart sank. It wasn’t that she couldn’t sing- in fact she had a fab voice- it was that from now until the audition they would all be bombarded with non stop singing until she made up her mind. Alex could deal with that this evening- it would be the perfect remedy to his hangover Liam thought smugly.

 

“We will all help you pet- now lets get to the car and go and pick up your siblings before we go home and get ready for Uncle Harry coming?”

 

“Yay Uncle Harry!!”

 

The delighted shouts of his children caught the attention of nearby parents who sent Liam a smile used to him or one of the other boys picking up Lola and Noah.

 

“Is Uncle Nick coming too?”

Trying to hide the grimace from them , Liam shook his head.

 

“No Nick’s busy this afternoon – but I’m sure you’ll see him soon.”

 

“I’ll have to just sing my audition songs down the phone to him- Uncle Nick will know which one will be right.”

 

Lucky Nick- a verbal singing assault from his God daughter. It was a good job he was used to their children. Anyone else would be overwhelmed by it all but Nick took it all in his stride.

Just as Liam had sat in the drivers seat having checked the kids were safely strapped in his phone rang again- this time an unknown number flashing across his screen. Bemused- he accepted the call wondering who could have his number that he didn’t know.

 

“Hello- this is Liam Payne.”

 

At first all he could hear was the muffled sounds of a group of conversations before a voice he knew well cut through.

 

“Liam- it’s Alex.”

 

Whatever this conversation was about – Liam knew it wasn’t going to end well.

 

“I was just ringing you on my mates phone- as you know you took mine.”

 

Liam seethed slightly – feeling his temper rising within him.

 

“Anyway I was just ringing to say that you don’t need to pick me up as I’m going out with some mates for dinner and…”

 

“No.”

 

There was a slight pause before Alex replied.

 

‘What do you mean?”

 

“I mean No Alex. No you are not going and No I’m not changing my mind.”

 

“That’s so unfair Liam – you cant stop me going!’

 

Liam noted the pause in conversation surrounding Alex’s voice – his compatriots probably listening in on the phone call.

 

“I don’t care if you think it’s unfair – after last night I can think its safe to presume that you wont be going anywhere anytime soon. And if you even think of going I can guarantee you I will call the police to bring you home and you can explain to them about what you’ve been up to recently.”

So yeah he wouldn’t ever call the police- but Alex didn’t need to know that. He was proud of himself for standing up to Alex. Zayn was right- Alex was as much his responsibility as anyone else’s and he had every right to say what he felt right.

 

There was a pause before he was greeted by the dial tone as Alex hung up.

 

Great- now he would have to deal with a pissed off Alex – at least he could hand him over to Harry this evening. Then it could be Harry’s problem.

 

Pulling up outside the school, Liam easily spotted Alex’s tall lean frame sloping against the wall. He watched with vague amusement as girls walked past and not so subtly looked him up and down before walking away giggling. No one could deny Alex was a good-looking bloke- having inherited his Dads’ effortless charm and boyish features. He had had plenty of offers for modelling jobs – had even had a few test shots but to Alex’s annoyance, all of them had agreed that he needed his A Levels first. Especially as he was actually a talented photographer and writer so it would be a shame for him not to explore his options. Although right now his normally slightly tanned face was a tinge grey, usual bright eyes hidden behind Ray Bans Liam was positive were actually Nicks.

If possible Alex slouched lower into the wall upon spotting the car before marching over. Instead of sitting in the front next to Liam , Alex choose the furthest back seat, slamming the door upon sitting down startling Lola and Noah. Before Liam could even breathe a hello, Alex turned and pointedly stared out the window. Well this was going to be a fun.


	6. Chapter 6

Thankfully they didn’t have to wait long before Leo arrived. Unlike Alex, Leo came running over a grin plastered across his face, which if possible widened further upon seeing that the first seat was free. Bounding into the front seat completely ignorant of the awkward silence that had fallen over the family after Alex’s arrival, he sent Liam a winning smile.

 

‘Good day I take it?”

 

Leo was never one to boast but today he was actually proud of himself.

 

“We won! And I managed to score 3 out of the 4 goals!”

 

“Leo that’s incredible!”

 

Noah and Lola cheered alongside Liam whilst Alex’s scowl deepened and Liam could swear he was rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses.

 

“Great – the prodigal son strikes again.”

 

Liam shot Alex a warning glare.

 

“Hey that’s enough. Take no notice Leo – we are all really proud of you.”

 

Despite Liam’s words, he noticed Leo’s smile falter.

 

“Come on tell us about the match.”

 

“No .. no it’s fine I don’t want to bore you or anything.”

 

“I could tell you all- it’s all anyone was bloody taking about at school. Makes a change from you being invisible I guess..”

 

That was it -he had reached the end of his nerve.

 

“Alexander- I don’t care if you have a problem with me but you NEVER talk to your brother like that! Do you understand me?”

 

A tense silence fell over the car – Leo looking to the floor noticeably upset but not wanting to show it.

 

“Do you understand me Alexander?!”

 

“Yeah- sorry Leo. Well done mate – it sounded like you played great.”

 

Liam knew Alex never wanted to hurt Leo’s feeling really- they had always been close growing up – each complimenting the others personality. Leo mumbled a half hearted reply obviously still hurt.

 

“Thanks.”

Liam reached over and squeezed Leo’s knee. Not wanting the journey home to be in silence – turned the radio on quietly and turned to face Lola.

 

“Hey Lola why don’t you tell us all about the musical your doing?”

 

Knowing that Lola didn’t need any encouragement, Liam chuckled as she began chatting away. He looked over and saw that Leo’s eyes were slightly red and his chin was shoved into the sleeve of his jumper. Alex’s words had obviously cut deep. Leo had always had issues with confidence- something Alex certainly didn’t; well didn’t let on he did. Liam knew differently.

 

 

 He remembered the moment all too well from when Harry and Nick had just started arguing and Alex had appeared at the house in the middle of the night. Louis had been away and Liam was up reading when he was surprised to hear the key turning in the front door. From one look at Alex’s face he could tell something was wrong. The normal bright features had been painted a pale grey. His eyes were bloodshot and skin raw from tears. A beanie hid all his customarily artfully styled curls and old raggedy tracksuit trousers had replaced his uniform skinny jeans.

 

“Alex?”

 

‘Liam..”

 

His voice cracked.

 

“I don’t know what to do… Liam … I “

 

Liam strode forward and grabbed Alex into a tight embrace. His heart broke as he felt the jagged shake of Alex’s shoulders as he sobbed into him. With every wrenching sob, Liam just held Alex closer.

 

 

Knowing that his words would be drowned out by Lola- he spoke quietly to Leo.

 

“Just ignore Alex he’s only being mean because he’s in trouble. I’m proud of you and I sure as hell know your Dad would be too.”

 

Leo shot him a watery smile.

 

“Thanks Dad.”

 

 

Upon arriving home through the front door – as per usual all the kids began to scatter in different directions. Liam noticed as Alex started to slope away trying to avoid Liam. Nice try- Liam grabbed Alex by his shoulder.

 

“Not so fast. Kitchen now.”

 

Thankfully Alex didn’t argue but just stormed his way through the kitchen door.

 

Knowing Leo had probably gone upstairs and seeing that Lola, Noah and Matilda had all safely congregated in the living room , Liam entered the kitchen and shut the door firmly behind him.

 

Alex had finally taken his sunglasses off and was sat at the kitchen table rubbing his eyes with his hands, looking up when Liam entered.

 

‘I’m sorry for what I said to Leo – it wasn’t fair of me.”

 

Glad to see that the Alex he loved was still in there somewhere, he nodded appreciatively and went to go and sit across from him.

 

“What’s been going on with you Alex? I want to be able to be angry but right now I’m just confused. “

 

Alex’s reply was too quick to be believable.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“I don’t believe that for a moment so I’m going to sit here until you explain to me why the hell my son is coming home at 2 am stoned and drunk from a party that we specifically said for you not to go to. A party where you put your own life in danger.”

 

A flash of panic crossed Alex’s face.

 

“Oh yeah I’ve seen the photos on facebook – and believe me they are not painting you in the best light right now!. So don’t bull shit with me – YOU and I deserve better than that.”

 

 

Alex stared down at the table scratching a dip in the wood.

 

“Everyone else…”

 

“You decided to drop all common sense because everyone else is off running their futures. Wow that’s really logical!”

 

Liam sighed exasperatedly as Alex continued to avoid his gaze. Tapping his hand Liam grabbed Alex’s attention.

 

“Alex look at me.”

 

Slowly Alex raised his head. Liam was relieved to see that the aggression he had seen earlier was at least gone from his features. In fact he looked trapped- an internal battle going on in his mind.

 

“Come on I know there is more to this – you never just ‘follow’ any one else. And I promise if you tell me now I will be a hell of a lot more understanding  than if you just leave it as ‘I had no backbone therefore I just followed my friends blindly.’”

 

A silence fell over the pair before Liam gave one last push.

 

“If its something you don’t want me to tell your Dads- you can tell me.”

 

At that Liam saw Alex go to open his mouth but rapidly shut it again before replying sullenly.

 

‘I just wanted to get drunk.”

 

“Fine if you want to do it this way. Your grounded for the next 1 month both here and at Harry’s and you can give me your iPad from upstairs. Now go and get ready your stuff ready for going to Harry’s- as Im sure you haven’t done that yet!”

 

With that Liam got up from the table disappointed that Alex hadn’t trusted him. He may not be Alex’s biological dad but he still liked to think Alex looked up to him a bit.

 

Just as Liam was about to leave, Alex interrupted him- his voice so quiet and unrecognisable that he almost didn’t hear it.

 

“I don’t want to go.”

 

“Alex you can’t not go just because you’re going to be in trouble.”

 

Alex shook his head- still unable to look Liam in the eye.

 

“Its not that …. I just … I just don’t want to go ok?”

 

Now they were getting somewhere. Liam knew there had to be a reason.

 

“What do you mean bud- I thought you liked spending time with your Dad, Nick and the twins?”

 

Alex shook his head sadly as Liam went to sit next to him.

 

“It’s not Dad and Nick though is it. It’s Dad or Nick.”

 

“Alex- you know me and your Dad are always here for you and so is Nick despite what happens.”

 

Alex tried to surreptitiously wipe his eye with his sleeve but Liam noticed anyway.

 

“It’s just so … so fucked up. When I’m here I don’t fit in with you all and when Im with Dad and Nick all I can feel is the tension between the two of them and then they have their own kids together. And I’m .. Well Im just the one that gets shoved between families – always messing up and never doing the right thing. I…”

 

This time Alex let the tears fall down his face and Liam’s heart broke at the mess in front of him.  Reaching over Liam pulled Alex into his chest and was relieved to feel that Alex didn’t fight against him but instead rested his head.

 

“You ALWAYS belong in this family- do you hear me? I don’t care that you are not biologically mine – as far as I’m concerned you are my son and I know for certain Nick feels the same. I never want you to feel that you don’t fit in because what ever happens you will always have a home with me. “

 

Alex looked up at Liam a few tears still left his cheeks.

 

“I’m sorry. Its just with everything at the moment I didn’t know where to turn and people were sending me all these offers and…”

 

‘You got a thrill out knowing something was in your control away from everything else.”

 

Liam noted Alex’s surprised expression that Liam actually knew where he was coming from.

 

“How…..”

 

“I know I might seem old to you and I didn’t have same family situation to you but I know what it feels like to want to be in control over something. “

 

Liam braced himself- he knew what he was about to Alex he hadn’t told anyone before but if Alex was going to trust him , he was going to do the same.

 

“When we in One Direction, it was amazing but it was .. well intense. We couldn’t go anywhere and everything we did was splashed across some newspaper. It was like living in a bubble- sure a well paid and enjoyable bubble – but we were trapped. On top of that – I was in love with your Dad and at that moment I didn’t know what to do. I had no where to turn and I felt like there was no way I would ever be with Louis because I was certain he and Harry were a sure thing. So I started drinking – not in a alcoholic kinda way but a bit excessively. I went out almost every night just so I could drink and forget about what was going on. Because when I was out the only thing I needed to worry about was having a good time and not what was actually happening. “

 

There was a pause as Alex took in Liam’s words.

 

“How did you make it better?”

 

Liam stroked his hand through Alex hair , massaging his scalp just as he had done as a child.

 

“Eventually I learnt that I wasn’t alone. I was wrapped up in not wanting to show weakness that I forgot that I had four people who wanted what was best for me and would be there no matter what happened. I know it’s not easy and avoiding everything by drinking seems the easy option but trust me bud it’s not. And I know you may think I’m lecturing but drugs no matter what kind are not a good a thing. If you have a problem with using them I want you to tell me now because if so you need to talk to someone.”

 

Alex shook his head.

 

“I don’t really like it – only did it the once last night.”

 

Liam breathed a sigh of relief.

 

“Thank God for that. But the cigarettes I know you have in your room need to go – as long as your living with me you don’t smoke.”

 

“But it helps me stay thi…”

 

“Don’t you dare say that- you are anything but fat Alex. If you think that – that is a entirely different conversation we need to be having. “

 

“No it’s fine.. I’ll give you them.”

 

A peaceful moment passed over the two as Alex leaned against Liam.

 

“Does this mean I’m still in trouble….”

 

Liam let out a hearty laugh.

 

“Good try mate but your ass is still thoroughly grounded.”

 

Alex replied , his trademark smirk reappearing on his face.

 

“Damn it – was worth a shot.”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Liam was cleaning up in the kitchen when Harry arrived – Leo outside in the garden playing with Lola, Noah and Tillie whereas Alex was still upstairs. Harry had let himself in – all of them had keys to each other’s houses it just made sense to. The first thing Liam noticed was the black bags under Harry’s eyes. Out of all of them, Harry had changed the least looks wise since he was younger. It scared him sometimes how much it was like looking at a mirror of Alex. Dressed in skinny jeans, a white t shirt, a loose old jumper of Nick’s and a bandana vaguely organising the infamous mop of curls , Harry shot Liam a wave as he walked in.

 

“Hey LI.”

 

Stopping organising Liam walked over and gave Harry a hug. Even from the brief touch he could feel the tension throughout Harry’s body.

 

“You want to talk about it? You look knackered mate”

 

Harry looked round the room.

 

“Kid’s not around?”

 

Liam shook his head.

 

“I came back from Mum’s yesterday and I was up all night talking with Nick.”

 

“Talking? Or yelling?”

 

Harry looked sheepish. Liam knew the answer.

 

“I left the twins with Mum- I didn’t want to bring them back. I don’t want them too see…”

 

“Ohh H.:

 

Liam step back, placing his hand on his shoulders.

 

“You know they can always stay here and if you need Alex can stay here this week.”

 

Harry shook his head.

 

‘No no its fine. “

 

Liam sighed- it wasn’t fine.

 

“I’ll put the kettle on- then we can have a proper chat yeah?”

 

Harry sent him a weak smile.

 

“That would be great.”

 

Sitting down on the patio outside, a cup of tea in hand Liam watched fondly as Leo was chased round the bottom of the garden by his younger siblings.

 

“They are really growing up aren’t they?”

 

Liam looked over at Harry.

 

“Scary isn’t – it’s only two minutes since Tillie was born and soon she’ll be starting school.”

 

They both just sat and enjoyed the sunshine for a moment, Liam giving Harry the time to say what he wanted. Knowing it was best not press but just wait.

 

“Nick wants to try and make it work.”

 

“That’s a good thing isn’t it?”

 

Harry sighed before taking a sip of the tea.

 

“I don’t know Li- I just don’t know if we are too far gone..”

 

“You love him right?”

 

Liam didn’t see the point in dancing round the subject – he and Harry had always been brutally honest with each other. Harry didn’t hesitate in his reply.

 

“Of course. But I don’t know if that’s enough anymore. “

 

They had all watched as Nick and Harry had gradually drifted apart over the past year- both busy with work and leading separate lives. Liam knew there was something more- something Nick would hold back when he phoned Liam and Harry hadn’t told Louis despite how close they were.

 

There was a moment of silence before Harry spoke – changing the topic obviously not wanting to think about what was happening at home.

 

“Alex been ok this week?”

                                

Liam laughed nervously.

 

“Well..”

 

“Oh God – what’s he done now? He didn’t end up going that party he was banging on about last week did he? “

 

“About that….”

 

Harry sighed shaking his head, annoyance filling his voice.

“Fab- Listen Liam I’m so sorry. If it’s not one thing it’s another with Alex at the moment. ”

 

Liam decided this definitely was not the right moment to tell Harry that Alex was struggling with him and Nick. Harry was had enough else to deal with and adding that worry would make him feel even more inadequate than he probably already did.

 

“It’s fine – I dealt with it.”

 

“It’s not fine- you shouldn’t have too. What happened?”

 

“I’ll let him explain that to you.”

 

“God that bad?”

 

“He’s sorry-“

 

“He bloody better be. I’m guessing that’s what Niall was meaning by telling me Facebook had been enlightening this morning. “

 

As if sensing he was the topic of conversation, it was at that very moment Alex appeared looking decidedly sheepish at the open patio door. Seeing Harry sat there, Liam could tell all he wanted to do was escape back into the house but before he could retreat Harry spotted him.

 

“Hey Dad.”

 

Alex gave a pathetic wave still frozen in the doorway.

 

“Alex.”

 

Liam knew how wuthering Harry’s glower could be – had experienced it a few times himself – and didn’t envy Alex the look Harry shot him. Feeling slightly awkward stuck between the two of them – Liam began to excuse himself.

 

“I’m going to go and start cooking dinner.“

 

The helpless look Alex shot Liam was almost humorous, as pleading with him to stay.

 

“Thanks Liam.”

 

Ruffling Alex’s hair affectionately as he walked passed, Liam walked back into the kitchen. Once inside, he spied out the kitchen window watching Harry’s waving hands and angry expression as Alex stood in front of him looking like he would rather be anywhere else. Alex was in for a long evening that’s for sure.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has read, bookmarked,given kudos and reviewed so far! I hope you enjoy this new chapter :D Love hearing what people think so please comment :D xx

The atmosphere around the dining table could only be described as fraught. Liam was relieved that he had let Lola, Noah and Tillie eat in the living room watching Mulan. He had offered Leo the opportunity to do the same or go out with friends if he wanted but he was insistent that he didn’t mind how awkward it would be - he wanted to see Harry. Secretly Liam knew that he just wanted to see Alex ratted out – still annoyed at him for what he had said earlier. So the four of them sat there- Liam and Leo on one side, Alex and Harry on the other.  Even from Alex’s body language he could tell that he would rather be anywhere else in the world right now than next to his father. Especially the Dad who had just ranted at him for a good hour outside as Liam had prepared dinner. Thankfully Leo was there to fill the silence.

 

“This is delicious Dad thanks!”

 

Liam smiled gratefully across at Leo.

 

“ Your welcome mate. You deserve it after your big match.”

 

Quiet fell over the table again as Liam watched Alex push his food round his plate. Perhaps he was still feeling hungover.

 

“For god sake Alex stop playing with your dinner and just bloody eat it!”

 

Apparently Harry wasn’t feeling as understanding

 

“Mm not hungry.”

 

Harry sighed.

 

“You can at least bloody make an effort after Liam spent all this time cooking.”

 

To be fair all Liam had done was put some mince in a pan and followed the print out recipe for Spaghetti Bolognese from Jamie Oliver’s website but he wasn’t about to say that.

 

Alex mumbled a reply, which although Harry and Liam didn’t catch Leo did. He choked, sending Alex an incredulous look.

 

“Wow- seriously?”

 

Liam and Harry exchanged a glance.

 

“What did you say?”

 

Alex gave the offending spaghetti one last half hearted prod before muttering his answer a little louder than before.

 

“I’m juicing.”

 

At that Leo let out a full out snort.

 

‘Like fuck you are.”

 

Apparently Harry was as unimpressed as Liam . Leaning back in his chair Alex crossed his arms across his chest.

 

“It’s my body-“

 

“Alex why in God’s name do you need to be juicing! And don’t you dare say you need to loose weight again! I thought we’d already had this conversation about the cigarette..”

 

“What CIGARRETTES?!”

 

Woops – Alex had obviously not mentioned that part to Harry whose face had turned a mild shade of red.

 

Alex sent Liam a wuthering glare.

 

“Good job Liam.”

 

“DON’T YOU DARE! Don’t you dare put this on Liam! “

 

Leo took that as his cue to leave –picking up his plate and cutlery.

 

“Im just gunna-um- Go and watch the film with the others yeah.”

 

With that Leo turned and scurried out the room- Liam kinda wished he could join him. Especially when Harry’s glare turned on him.

 

“How do you know about this?”

 

Liam was stuck – if he mentioned Facebook Harry would ask to see the photos and Alex would hate him more than he probably already did but if he didn’t and Harry ended up seeing them and finding out Liam knew… Liam sent Alex a apologetic look before speaking.

 

“There might have been some FAceb..”

 

“I want to see them now. Alex give me your phone.”

 

Shooting daggers at Liam  , Alex mumbled his reply.

 

“Don’t have it.”

 

“I took it off him this morning. Listen why don’t just finish eating yeah- I mean actual eating Alex- before we do anything. There’s no point saying anything while we are all stressed.”

 

Liam’s eyes pleaded with Harry who nodded somewhat reluctantly.

 

“You’re not leaving the table till you finish your plate Alex.”

 

“How old do you think I am? Im not bloody 5!”

 

Evidently Alex wasn’t feeling rational.

 

“Yeah?! Well start acting like it!”

 

Liam wished Louis were here. All he wanted to do right now was hide in the living room instead of being sat between the current war of tempers between Harry and his ‘mini- me’. There was a brief pause before Alex suddenly stood up and banged his cutlery onto the table startling Liam out of thoughts.

 

“I’m going to my room!”

 

Harry scoffed.

 

‘Like hell you are – sit down.”

 

Alex didn’t move.

 

‘Alexander”

 

Liam could feel the tension between the two of them from across the table. With out even a second thought, Alex stormed out the room slamming the door behind him. Harry leapt out of his chair to go after him but Liam grabbed his arm.

 

“There’s no point mate. Just let him cool off.”

 

Harry looked torn but in the end nodded and returned to his seat, running a hand through his hair.

 

“I don’t know what’s going on with him at the moment – one second he’s fine then …”

 

Harry let out a loud sigh.

 

“How bad are these photos? “

 

The look on Liam’s face told Harry all he needed to know- great just great.

 

“Let’s see them – I cant want to throttle him anymore than I already do.”

 

Liam laughed.

 

“I’ll remind you, you said that.”

 

Actually fearing for Alex’s life if Harry saw the contents of his texts as well as the photos Liam decided it was best to show Harry on his iPad.

 

“I’ll just go and get my iPad from the kitchen.”

 

Having calmed Harry down from the edge of a breakdown following the unveiling of his son’s antics on Facebook, Liam leant tiredly against the kitchen work surface as he waited for the kettle to boil. It was only almost 7 and he was knackered. The very thought of all he had to get done tomorrow was making him feel worse- swimming lessons, ballet lessons, karate practise. Right now all he wanted was Louis. Louis who be able to make sense of all of this mess with Alex and somehow manage to cope with endless chaos of having five kids who all refused to the same hobbies. Tomorrow evening couldn’t come fast enough. Despite everything with Alex he was definitely more worried than angry. If the modelling he had already done was getting to him there was no way in God’s name Liam was letting him continue with it. Alex’s health was priority over anything and that was one thing he wouldn’t stand down on. He had watched Louis waste away before when they were in One Direction and he wasn’t going to let that happen again.

 

Harry had excused himself to take a phone call from his Mum. Liam knew that she was probably ringing to find out about how things went with Nick today and let him know how the girls were getting on. Hopefully the conversation with Anne would relax him a bit. Pouring the freshly boiled water into 4 mugs- one for him, Harry, Leo and another for Alex as a peace offering, his ears were drawn to the noise of the front door. Worried it was Alex trying to sneak out; Liam left the tea stewing and marched into the front hallway arms crossed across his chest.

 

“If you dare walk out that front door…”

 

That was not Alex. There was only one person that freshly tanned skin and sun coloured brown hair could belong to. Louis

 

“Now that’s not the greeting I was expecting.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to all my lovely lovely readers <3 hope you enjoy the chapter! Love hearing what you think so just drop me a comment :)

Liam was frozen in shock. Louis was due back tomorrow evening and yet here he was was standing right in front of him.

 

“I.. You….’

 

Louis placed his bags on the floor and strode over to Liam before engulfing him in huge hug. Just to feel Louis’ body against his – Liam let himself sink into Louis’ touch before leaning his head against Louis forehead.

 

“Oh god I’ve missed you.”

 

Louis leaned up and bought his lips to Liam’s , touching gently savouring the moment before fully immersing himself in the kiss. Pulling back, Louis stroked fondly against Liam’s cheek before holding his face still concern spreading across his newly sun-kissed features.

 

“You look exhausted babe. What’s been going on- I know you were hiding something on the…”

 

Louis was interrupted by Harry entering the hallway.

 

“Mum said she’d happily have a word with….Louis!”

 

Harry looked as shocked as Liam had – almost looking slightly awkward on having walked in an intimate moment. It had been a long time since Harry and Louis were together- 17 years in fact. But Liam still felt awkwardly protective over their relationship. Apart from him, Harry was the only guy Louis had ever loved. They were each other’s first – something Liam would never get with Louis. He felt terrible- Harry was going the worst time of his life and here was Liam worrying about him nicking his husband who he hadn’t been with in almost two decades. He blamed it on the tiredness.

            Stepping back but keeping Liam’s hand squeezed tight, Louis looked enquiringly between the both of them.

 

“OK what’s going on because right now not only do you both look exhausted but kinda pissed off aswell.”

 

Exchanging a glance, Harry and Liam both silently agreed of a plan of action .

 

“I’ve just made a cup of tea- why don’t you sit down first – you must have been flying early to get here for this evening.”

 

“It’s nothing I’m not used to. But I would not say no to a cuppa. Where are all the kids?”

 

Liam answered a bit too quickly to be casual.

 

“Oh um Leo’s with them in the living room watching Mulan.”

 

“Ahh I wont interrupt them yet- leave the surprise until after the film. And Alex?”

 

Harry and Liam shared a grimace.

 

“About that cup of…”

 

“Dad?”

 

All three adults heads turned to see Alex stalled half way down the stairs- suitcase perched behind him . He had changed clothes and despite the fact that he was hung-over he still looked faultless – Liam swore the guy didn’t own a pair of trackies.

 

“Hello stranger? Haven’t heard from you in a two weeks- why don’t you come and give your ol’man a hug.”

 

‘Dad – your 37 I’d hardly say you were old. ”

 

Liam had always found it funny how out of all of the kids , Alex  was the one who had managed to pick up traces of his, Louis’, Nick’s and Harrys accents alongside his own London one. 

 

Despite his comment , Alex made his way down to the hall dragging his case down with him before depositing it by the door and walking into Louis’ open arms for hug. Even from just the hug, Louis could feel the tension in Alex’s body- which definitely was one taller and two thinner that before he had left for Xfactor. He had already overtaken Louis in height and was fast approaching Harry’s.

 

“When did you get so tall and skinny eh?”

 

Expecting the others to laugh , Louis was surprised to find his comment met with a pained look on Liam’s face and Alex’s body stiffening.

 

‘Someone needs to explain to me what is going on- cause right now you all look like someone’s killed someone or something.”

 

“Louis I don’t think the hall way is the place for this – why don’t we go into the kitchen and ALEX can explain to you in there. Alex your dinner is in the microwave for you to warm up. “

 

He watched as the temptation to complain crossed Alex’s mind but instead he nodded begrudgingly.

 

“Do you want anything Lou babe?”

 

“I wouldn’t say no.... ”

 

“You can have mine?’

 

“No.”

 

All three of them answered at the same time.

 

“Alex- you need to eat mate. You are going disappear any minute .”

 

Alex shrugged and wandered into the kitchen leaving Harry, Liam and Louis alone in the hall.

 

“He’s hungover isn’t he? “

 

Liam sighed.

 

“Yep- that party we told him he could go to?”

 

‘Freddie’s thing- he went didn’t he.”

 

“Oh yeah and with style!”

 

“Please tell me he only got drunk…?”

 

Harry scoffed.

 

“I wish- your son has been a true wonder!”

 

“Hey why is he mine all of a sudden- this isn’t my fault Harry.”

 

“You’re the one who went out and got drunk a lot as a teenager.”

 

“I’m not the only one who goes out a lot as I recall?”

 

Liam glanced apprehensively between Louis and Harry – Louis’ words cutting deeper than he possibly anticipated what with all the problems with Nick at the moment.

 

“IM just going to check Alex hasn’t thrown his dinner in the bin.”

 

Liam swiftly left the two of them. Despite the fact hat he frankly didn’t want to get in the middle of a Louis - Harry fight , he was genuinely worried about the fate of Alex’s dinner.

 

Watching Liam’s retreating back , Louis could see the stress between his shoulder blades and he felt so guilty for not being here.

 

“Harry this not the time for the my son your son debate ok? “

 

At least Harry had the decency to look guilty.

 

“Sorry it’s just with this with Alex on top of everything with Nick….”

 

Louis knew that Harry and Nick weren’t in a good place. He could read Harry like a book. When Harry was stressed he lashed out and from the way Harry was picking at his fingers he knew there was something more. Something Harry wanted to tell him but didn’t know how to say.

 

“Harry come on what is it? Spit it out.”

 

The next time Harry looked up at Louis there was genuine worry written across every feature and Louis heart sank.

 

“He knows.”

 

Louis was confused.

 

“You’re going to have to give me more than that H- “

 

Running a stressed hand through his bandana Harry couldn’t even look Louis in the eye when he replied.

 

“Nick found out about the time we were together.”

 

 He knew what time he meant. And it was not when he and Harry were together when they were first in One Direction. Louis thought no one knew except him and Harry – in fact he couldn’t really remember it himself having been at least 12 years ago.

 

“Shit.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's not so long. am currently knee deep in uni exams! hope you enjoy :D thanks so much so far for all the lovely comments :)

Louis couldn’t believe it. After all this time how had Nick found out? He certainly had never told anyone- not even his mum. It had been a dark time in his life- Liam and him had just miscarried a baby and he had been so lost for what to do he had turned to something he knew. Something that could make the pain stop. Harry and Nick had been having a rough patch and for those few days being together made sense just because it didn’t. The sex meant nothing but it was a release. A release from everything they knew. Louis knew it had been wrong – knew that it would break Liam’s heart if he found out. But in that moment he was too selfish to rationalise. The whole thing hadn’t lasted more than a few days but both him and Harry had agreed to keep it to themselves, knowing the harm it would cause if it got out. Louis and Harry knew that it was purely physical but for Nick and Liam, both of whom had their worries about the past , it would mean so much more.

 

“How? You didn’t tell him did you?! You know if Nick knows it’s going to get back to Liam!  “

 

He was angry. If this got to Liam – Nick and Harry wouldn’t be the only ones having problems.

 

Harry looked annoyed at Louis’ rant.

 

“DON’T get pissed at me ! You fucked up as badly as I did! AND no I didn’t! God do really not trust me enough? He found the letter you wrote me”

 

Louis knew exactly which one he meant.  He had written that letter to Harry to explain that what they were doing was never going to be enough. He loved Harry but he was in love with Liam. He had been so angry with himself for leaving Liam to deal with it all by himself. Liam had managed not to go off and sleep with other people in grief. After it finished Louis hadn’t talked to Harry for at least a month. Everyone had thought it was Louis grieving- which it was but not just for their lost baby. That week for him was the final realisation that it was over between him and Harry. They had ended so suddenly, and surrounded by the drama of having Alex alongside dealing with the end of One Direction, they hadn’t had time to discuss the end of their relationship. No one could deny that there was physical chemistry between them – breaking up doesn’t change that. But he missed baking with Liam on a Friday evening instead of going out, ending up with half the mix on the walls or in their stomachs before even entering the oven; their Wednesday film nights and the way they took in turns to do their weekly shopping list. For the first time Louis had felt the age difference between him and Harry; which was strange seeing as Harry was dating someone older and him some one younger. But Louis knew that the physical side wasn’t enough. Liam was what he wanted.

 

Liam walked into the kitchen relieved to see Alex actually sitting with the plate in front of him the food on it and not in the bin. From behind him he could hear raised voices- Harry and Louis scrapping was nothing new – both of them having fairly volatile tempers. It was normally best to not get involved. He sat across from Alex who smiled up at him wearily.

 

“I’m in for a fun weekend.”

 

Liam shot him an apologetic smile.

 

“You did bring it on yourself mate. “

 

“Yeah , yeah I know its just…”

 

Alex jabbed his fork viscously into a piece of carrot.

 

“Nick’s not here is he.”

 

Liam’s heat sank. Alex was right normally unless there was some dyer circumstance Nick always tried to come to swap day.

 

“I know bud. Just remember this house is always open to you whatever time of day. We may be annoyed at you but we will always love you. “

 

Alex nodded slowly.

 

“And please don’t stop eating. You’re too precious to let this happen to you. No modelling job is EVER – and I mean ever- worth more than your health and happiness”

 

Sensing Liam’s concern, Alex reached over and squeezed Liam’s arm. As much as he was angry, he loved his family. Seeing Liam worried was something Alex certainly did not enjoy. Liam didn’t get it though. Modelling was the only thing he had ever been told he was good at. He wasn’t athletic like Leo and or as smart as Lola.  They didn’t hear the judgemental comments of others saying he got the contract he just because of who his parents were. He was going to show them he deserved this as much as anyone.

 

 

**Alex's first modelling shot  
**

 

Louis’ reply was interrupted by Leo sticking his head around the living room door.

 

“Everything alright Dad?”

 

Leo’s entrance acted as a swift reminder to Louis that they definitely could not have this conversation here. Being in one direction had taught him how to hide your emotions from the press and he was grateful that his kids didn’t yet know the difference between his fake and real smile. Liam would know – would take one look at Louis and see right through very lie written across his face. Louis knew in his gut that this was going to come out. Only this time it wasn’t just Harry , Louis, Liam and Nick’s feelings on the line. There were two sets of kids involved this time. Kids that would understand there was more to Louis sleeping on the sofa than falling asleep watching a movie. And two that were old enough to understand what Louis had done, In their eyes Louis could do no wrong. He wasn’t ready for that to change.

 

 

           


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the long wait - hope everyone enjoys! Thanks so much to all my lovely readers :D x

'I thought you weren't coming home until tomorrow?'  
  
Louis opened his arms and welcomed Leo into his chest, pulling him tight against him. He was almost as tall as Louis now. Louis wasn't ready for them to all to grow up so fast. He shot Harry a look to say they would talk more later and he was grateful that Harry had enough sense to see that this wasn't a conversation to be had with the kids around. Harry was a dad himself after all.   
  
"Missed you bud"  
  
Leo's reply was muffled into Louis' chest.  
  
"Missed you too Dad. Please tell me you're not leaving again soon?"  
  
Louis’ heart broke - every time one of his children said something like that he was always wondered if he should just give it all up. They had the money - they didn't need to worry about anything like that- but deep down Louis knew that he wasn't quite ready yet to stop. This was who he was but it was times like this that he hated that his job took him away from the people he loved more than the world.   
  
Pulling Leo out in front of him with his hands on his shoulders, Louis took in the slightly water stained eyes and felt a lump build in his throat.  
  
"Buddy what's wrong?"  
  
Leo sniffed and looked self consciously over at Harry.  
  
"I'll go and see if Alex is ready to go?"  
  
Harry had thankfully sensed that Leo wanted some time alone with Louis and started walking towards the kitchen.  
  
Once Harry had shut the kitchen door behind him, Louis turned once again to look at Leo. Leo had changed a lot over the past year. His baby face had been replaced by a thinner outline with more defined cheekbones. His height had shot and his lanky body swapped for a lean athletic build. He definitely had Liam's physique that's for sure.   
  
"Come on Leo. What is it?"  
  
"I'm worried about Alex. People at school keep saying things and on the team and I..."

 

“Saying what Leo?”

 

Leo looked unsure.  But if he didn’t say anything now he would never forgive himself if something happened.

 

“About what Alex does at these parties. I think people know that something is wrong with Nick and Harry.”

 

What Leo said scared Louis. If people in school could work out something was wrong at home for Nick and Harry, it wouldn’t be long before the press got wind of it. What Alex would do then was too scary to even think about. But the thing that worried Louis more was what Alex was doing at parties. Louis was in no position to judge what most of what happened at teen parties- he had been to his fair share and definitely had some nights he couldn’t remember due to one too many vodka cokes and ciders. But things were different for Alex. The Tesco value vodka of Louis’ youth was replaced by crystal bottles of Belvedere . The Smirnoff ices by magnums of Veuve Clicquot and Bollinger. For Alex it was all he knew – his school friends didn’t have to worry about Saturday jobs and saving for a new pair of shoes. Louis tried not to spoil his children, knew the dangers of letting money become meaningless, but he could definitely admit the pocket money his children got a month was far more than he had ever got in a year. However what parent could blame him – as a father all you wanted to was provide for your children. Unfortunately it seemed the lifestyle that had once provided his children with a safe and comfortable upbringing was catching up with Alex. Money may have bought him a good education and a nice place to call home but it also provided him to access to some of London’s most elite and dangerous parties. Whitened perfect smiles; designer clothes dripping from the bodies of flawless figures- Louis had seen some of Alex’s previous photos. He had been to parties like this – but he had been older and had experience of a different life to know what was real from what wasn’t. For Alex this was his reality.  

            He wasn’t going to ask Leo what he had heard about Alex at parties- he knew that Leo would feel like he was betraying Alex. Having 6 siblings had taught him the importance of trust between your brothers and sisters.

 

“I’m not going to let anything happen to him don’t you worry.”

 

Louis pulled him close against his chest once again. He held on a bit stronger this time. He was scared. Scared that he was loosing his children to the world he had tried so hard to protect them against.

 

“Don’t tell the others I’m here yet- I want to surprise them later. Now go back and enjoy your film – let me deal with this.”

 

“Will do Pops.”

 

Leo retreated back into the living room shooting Louis a smile. He was dreading walking into the kitchen. He didn’t know if he wanted to hear what was going to be said. A younger Louis would have been straight out the door- running away from problems he wasn’t sure how to face. But right now his insides were buzzing – he could feel his mum inside his head – the protective streak that he had once mocked her for echoing through him. The only problem was that if he wasn’t careful – his past with Harry had a chance of ruining Alex’s and the rest of his children’s’ futures. 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the new chapter - would love to know what you think so drop me a comment :D xx

Louis leaned through the open window of the front of Harry’s car as Liam and Harry hung behind.

 

“You got everything?”

 

Alex resisted rolling his eyes. He didn’t want to push his luck seeing as though he was already lucky they were delaying any talks until Louis had recovered from his flight home.

 

“Yeah Dad. I’ve done this before you know.”

 

“I know bud and I know you well enough to know I’ll be bringing something over in a few days time.”

 

Alex couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“Don’t think I’ll forget we need to talk either. And before you can say anything we are all just worried about you ok?”

 

Louis didn’t expect a reply and simply ruffled Alex’s curls before removing himself from the window.

 

“Love you Alex.”

 

There was a moment’s pause before Alex replied.

 

“Love you too Dad.”

 

* * *

 

Liam and Louis stood and waved from the side of the road as Harry drove away from the curb. As the car disappeared from sight, Louis pulled Liam into his side as Liam slowly kissed him before leaning his head onto Louis’ shoulder.

 

“What were you and Harry arguing about?”

 

Louis’ insides froze.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Liam cocked his head to look Louis in the eye.

 

“That doesn’t sound convincing.”

 

“It’s ... it’s nothing honestly. Harry’s just tense at the moment.”

 

He watched as Liam debated as to whether believe Louis or not but was relieved when instead of asking any other questions he leant forward and kissed him instead. God he had missed Liam.

 

“Love you Li.”

 

With the setting sun -light reflecting on Liam’s face, Louis breath caught in his throat as Liam shot him a smile.

 

“I know. I love you too.”

 

Louis never wanted that to change.

 

* * *

 

 

The drive to Harry’s house was a tense and silent journey. Harry didn’t bother asking any questions – he knew he wouldn’t get an answer and to be honest he didn’t trust himself to reply without ending up in an argument. Hearing what had happened had made him feel sick. He knew he had been a bad Dad recently; he had been too wrapped up in his and Nick’s relationship and keeping the girls out of the way- forgetting that Alex was now old enough to understand what was going on. To Harry, Alex would always be his baby. Not the age where he was going to parties that involved more than party rings and barbeques in the back garden. He wasn’t ready for this- not ready for 6 foot teenage Alex who looked just like him and who he couldn’t protect from the tabloids and pain he knew all too well.

 

Pulling into the driveway, Harry was surprised when the previous silence was broken by Alex’s low voice.

 

“Is Nick home?”

 

Alex and Nick had always been close. When he was younger, Alex had idolised Nick and as he grew older their relationship had grown even stronger. That’s what made it hard. Harder than his own heart breaking as everything fell apart,  was knowing he was going to hurt his children. He could still remember his own Mum and Dad divorcing. Could remember the confusion as to why his Mum and Dad didn’t love each other anymore. Now he knew it wasn’t that simple. He loved Nick. But right now that wasn’t enough.

 

Harry cleared his throat, rubbing his hands slowly against the leather of the steering wheel as he parked.

 

“Yeah. Ed id here as well I think.”

 

The first smile he had seen all day appeared on Alex’s face at the mention of Ed.

 

“How about Millie and Nina?”

 

“They are with your Gran. Thought it would be nice to have the week just for us.”

 

Alex nodded slowly before undoing his seat belt and reaching for the car door. Before he could exit, Harry shot his hand across and grabbed his arm.

 

“Alex. Im sorry things aren’t easy…”

 

He didn’t know how to say it but he had to. Admitting it to Alex was horrible when he could barely admit it to himself. Harry was shocked when Alex leaned forward and hugged him. He held on tight cherishing the rare display of affection. Alex pulled away.

 

“I get it Dad.”

 

With that Alex quickly exited the car leaving a teary eyed Harry to quickly compose himself. He could blame his emotions on leaving the girls at his mum’s or the tiredness from the journey, but truth be told Harry was just exhausted. Not physically but emotionally drained. He was tired of the fighting and the awarkdness.  After clearing his eyes, he noticed the front door opening and Nick appearing from behind grinning wildly at Alex. Nick always had been the better actor. Maybe it was the years of experience on the radio meeting ‘bratty celebrities’. He looked gorgeous whilst looking so utterly Nick. Ripped black skinny jeans someone in their forties shouldn’t be able to pull off with a old vintage Beyoncé tour t-shirt and Burberry jacket Harry was ninety per cent sure was actually his. He didn’t realise he was staring until Nick caught his eye, his smile faltering slightly, and Harry quickly looked back down again as he busied himself with getting out the car.

 

Nick waited by the door as Alex got his bags out of the boot. Once the last bag was out , Harry locked the car. Walking past Nick he felt his heart rate increase with nerves. It was painful as Nick shifted away with out even a glance at him to move towards Alex. It was the first time Harry had seen him in a week but he didn’t expect it to hurt as much as it did. As he heard Nick’s broad accent come to life behind him instead of the short rigid remarks he had become used to, Harry had never been so happy to see the shock of ginger hair bobbing around in the hallway.

 

“Need a cup of tea mate?”

 

Harry shot Ed a grateful smile as Ed wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders.

 

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoys :D Thank you so much to everyone who has read this story- it means a lot. Would love to know what you think so please leave a comment xx

Nick threw his arms around Alex as soon as he was in reaching distance. Pulling Alex against his chest helped him forget for a moment the surge of pain that had been there just a moment before hand. Seeing Harry had been like being punched in the stomach repeatedly. He couldn’t stop the waves of emotion – anger, hurt, betrayal, love- every time he saw him. It was so hard to explain to other people why he hadn’t walked away yet. His family had as good enough implied that they thought it as time he ended it. He could feel it Fincham’s sympathetic and pointed looks he had been giving Nick recently when he came in to work looking as tired as he did when the girls had just been born. He and Harry were magnets to each other but right now they were ripping each other apart as they tried to pull away. The problem was if he didn’t walk away he didn’t know what would be left of their relationship. He was in love with Harry but being with someone you had fallen out of trust with was even harder. Especially for Nick. Not many people saw behind is lively façade. It was his defence mechanism – afraid that he wouldn’t be good enough for people. Not as interesting as the person they imagined from the radio. Who contrary to popular opinion actually preferred a night in with his kids compared to a night out on the town. It was with Harry he had let all his walls down and now they were straight back again. Protecting his heart from the crushing agony he wasn’t prepared to feel. To let Harry in again he was going to have to let his heart break and start again. Feel the pain he had buried deep inside of him. Part of him knew it would be worth it – he would get Harry back. That booming laugh and slow hushed voice that made his heart beat that bit faster. The way Harry would wake up in the morning and look so effortlessly beautiful with the sun lit across his face or when he kissed Nick slowly their noses touching as he leaned in towards him. His Harry. The boy he had fallen in love with that night they first met when Harry was just Alex’s age.

 

“Nick..um Nick you’re kinda squishing me.”

 

Alex’s voice jolted him out of thoughts.

 

“Cause there’s none of you to squish. When did you get so damn tall and skinny? Lets get you inside.”

 

Harry leaned against the kitchen cupboards as he watched Ed make a pot of tea for all of rest of them. He was glad Ed was here. Thankful to have someone else to fill the awkward silences and stilted conversations that were bound to follow. What he loved about Ed was that he was always frank with him. He needed that at the moment.

 

“How was Liam?”

 

“Tired – he’s had a tough week with Al…”

 

His sentence was interrupted by Alex walking into the room his attention immediately directed towards Ed and Nick cautiously stepping in behind. Nick and Ed got on well- with Ed being one of Harry’s closest friends it would have been difficult not too. Plus Ed was one of these people you couldn’t dislike. But Harry knew that when it came down to it Ed would always take his side- he knew everything – sometimes without Harry even having to say anything.

 

“Edwardo!!”

 

Ed turned away from the kettle and beamed at Alex.

 

“Alejandro!!”

 

Both Nick and Harry laughed at once before immediately stopping when realising what he other was doing. Harry turned to the cupboard behind him as Nick leaned against the opposite wall and reached inside to grab a large wine glass. Fuck tea- if he was going to get through this evening he was going to need something a little stronger. As he reached into the fridge to pull out a bottle of white wine – he could sense Ed and Nick’s eyes judging his move. After pouring a rather generous glassful – he turned back round and faked a smile. Ed managed to bridge the awkward remaining silence by turning his attention back to Alex.

 

“Bloody hell you’ve grown again.”

 

He poked at Alex’s non -existent stomach with his finger.

 

“And where’s the rest of you gone? Need to get some chocolate cake in you pronto. Liam not feeding you or something?”

 

It slipped out before Harry could stop himself – maybe the one sip of wine he had just had gone to his head faster than he thought.

 

“Or too much smoking.”

 

Shit. Way to break the subject gently Harry mentally scolded himself. He could feel Alex’s heated glare land on him.

 

“WHAT?!”

 

Nick and Ed both exclaimed at once so much so that if Harry were an outsider it would have been amusing. Alex sent him a heated glare muttering under his breath.

 

“Way to go Dad.”

 

Nick came to Harry’s defence way too fast for Harry’s comfort.

 

“Don’t talk to your Dad like that Alex- he’s only telling us the truth.”

 

Harry watched as a switch visibly switched in Alex as he turned on Nick. He knew that look well – had seen it mirrored in Louis many years before.

 

“You have no room to talk Nick- you smoked.”

Ed stood awkwardly, pot of tea clutched in his hands, between Nick and Alex unsure of where to place himself.

 

Nick drew himself to his full height and a rare serious tone took over his voice.

 

“I stopped. And that it is no excuse for doing it or talking to me like that.”

 

Alex crossed his arms across his chest. Harry knew whatever came out Alex’s mouth now would be something he regretted. He was trapped in a loosing battle.

 

“What its not like you’re my Dad or anything?”

 

A look of shame crossed Alex’s face as soon as the words left his mouth matched by Nick’s eyes rapidly watering.

 

“Upstairs now Alexander.”

 

Harry wasn’t going to let Alex talk to Nick like that. Nick had been a good if not better Dad to Alex as Harry had ever been.

 

“Nick I’m so…”

 

“Now Alex.”

 

Nick was doing his best job of staring at the floor as Alex shot him one last glance before running out of the room.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im literally so thankful to all my amazing and lovely readers who continue to read this story and also my others. A special thank you to aaclaire96 who is amazing!! I hope you enjoy this new update :D xx

The slamming of Alex’s door echoed around the silent kitchen; all three men still frozen in shock. Every part of Harry was yearning to reach out and grab Nick into a hug. But he couldn’t – couldn’t bring himself to despite the hurt look on Nick’s face. He knew Alex hadn’t meant what he said and Nick didn’t deserve any of it either. Alex was angry with Harry not Nick. He settled for downing half of his large glass of wine – hoping the alcohol would drown out the confusion running through his mind.

 

“What the fuck just happened?”

 

Ed’s voiced the thought that was going through each of their heads. Nick grimaced trying to lighten the mood.

 

“Suppose it was only so long before I got the ‘your not my Dad’ retort. I guess seventeen years isn’t too bad going.”

 

Harry couldn’t stop the words slipping out his mouth.

 

“That’s bullshit Nick. You are Alex’s Dad.”

 

Both Ed and Nick looked shocked that Harry had actually responded.

 

“Thanks Harry.”

 

Glancing backwards and forwards between Harry and Nick anxiously, Ed placed the tea pot on the kitchen counter and instead reached over to the fridge and grabbed the bottle of wine that Harry had poured a glass from just moments ago. Taking two more glasses from the cupboard with his free hand, Ed turned back to face Nick and Harry.

 

“No offence guys- but fuck tea – I think a we all need a drink.”

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a nice evening. Louis had walked in and surprised the kids at the end of their movie to be met by shrieks of delight and surrounded by three sets of small arms around his waist. He had tucked each one in to bed- cherishing the precious moments he had missed when he was away. They were all growing up too fast for his liking. No one told you when you became a parent how time would slip by faster than you could imagine and that baby you once held in your arms would soon be starting their own life. But despite the fact he was tired from his flight, he still couldn’t sleep; Harry’s words running around his head. Liam’s steady breathing next to him did nothing to comfort the restless feeling in his chest. Liam who bought so much light into his life he didn’t want to imagine causing any hurt. He was worried about Alex as well. What ever had happened this week had caused Liam to look so tired and sad and Leo to come to him in tears. Despite looking just like Harry, Louis saw so much of himself in Alex. He wasn’t going to let Alex slip away- he would never forgive himself if he let something happen.

Louis looked across at the alarm clock- 3:28am Sleep wasn’t happening. He sighed before gently untangling himself from Liam’s arms and climbing out of bed. Grabbing one of Liam’s jumpers from the desk chair, he slipped out of the bedroom lightly closing the door behind him. It was strange being awake at this time. The house was relatively silent – a rare occurrence in their home. Stepping carefully along the corridor checking each of the children’s’ rooms as he passed, relieved to see them all fast asleep, Louis made his way down the stairs into the kitchen. Turning on the light, he wondered over to the cupboards grabbing himself a mug and a Yorkshire tea bag before turning on the kettle. He refused to get one of these fancy hot water taps. He didn’t want the children to get hurt but mostly he just liked the comfort of hearing the kettle boil. Standing by the counter gently drumming his fingers on the granite sideboard, he looked over to see what must be Alex’s phone hidden behind the plant pot on the window sill. He desperately wanted to go and look through it. It may be in an invasion of privacy but he was worried. He knew his mum had probably done it to his phone a few times growing and he was still here. Louis waited for the kettle to finish pouring the water into the cup before he picked up the phone. Just as he was about to turn on the screen, a gentle voice interrupted him.

 

“Lou what you doing up babe?”

 

Louis looked over to see Liam leaning against the doorframe, a hand covering his mouth as he yawned. He put the phone back on the counter.

 

“Sorry did I wake you?”

 

Liam shook his head before walking over to Louis, kissing his cheek before pouring himself a glass of water and sitting down at the table.

 

“No- just woke up when you left. Cant’ sleep properly when you aren’t there.”

 

What did he do to deserve someone like Liam? The guilt he was already feeling began surge through him. Pulling out the chair across from Liam after pouring milk into his tea, Louis sat down wearily into his chair.

 

“What is it hun? There’s been something bugging you all evening. Is it something that Harry said? “

 

Liam really could read him like a book. And Louis was shit at lying to him. One look into the deep brown eyes and Louis knew he wouldn’t be able to keep anything from him.

 

He faltered over his words as he replied; his answer sounding unconvincing even to his own ears.

 

“Honestly babe it’s nothing really…”

 

“That’s bullshit Louis and you know it. If it was nothing you wouldn’t be awake at half past three in the morning.”

 

Liam reached across and stroked up and down Louis’ arm.

 

“It’s eating you up Lou.”

 

Louis’ reply was much quieter than before- a part of him wishing Liam wouldn’t hear his words.

 

“I need to tell you something Li.”

 

Liam didn’t interrupt, just continuing stroking Louis’ arm. It killed Louis that Liam was trying to comfort him when he was the one in the wrong. It was Louis who should be grovelling to Liam and looking after him not the other way round He tried to think of the best way to phrase what he was going to say.  He could keep it private and pretend he was just worried about Alex but it wouldn’t work. The guilt would only make it worse.

 

“It’s Harry.”

 

The strokes of Liam’s had faltered slightly.

 

“Something happened with Harry.”

 

Liam’s body froze.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so so so much for all your response to the last chapter. I hope this new chapter is ok - would love to know what you think. Hope you enjoy :D xxx

 

“Between Nick and Harry you mean?”

 

Liam’s tone when he replied was decidedly less calming than before and definitely more alert.

 

Oh God Louis didn’t want to do this. Liam was going to cry and there was nothing he hated more. Knowing he was the one to cause them was even worse. He’d prefer it if Liam was angry – he could cope with angry. But from the few fights he had been in with Liam he knew there wouldn’t be much yelling, as there were meaningful silences and tearful conversations of disappointment. Especially when it was to do with family. It may have been twelve years but they had still lost a baby. A boy or girl that would be just about to start secondary school; who might have had Liam’s lopsided smile or Louis’ blue eyes. Someone as passionate as Alex; athletic like Leo; a fellow acting partner for Lola. A person to teach Noah the guitar and look after Tillie when she had nightmares. There was a gap in their lives they couldn’t fix- someone they always knew was missing. Over the years it had become easier but it didn’t stop the thoughts of what could have been coming into their heads, especially around the time the baby would have been born.

 

Louis leaned forward and gripped Liam’s hands between his, squeezing tight. Cherishing the last few moments of Liam’s touch before he told him. He could still remember the first time he had hugged Liam after he had ended things with Harry. How Liam had fallen into his arms so trustingly, his body still tired and his face nothing like the normal healthy and happy Liam they were all used to. And Louis had felt so unworthy. Now twelve years later all those same feelings were flooding back. He willed the words out his mouth, breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the two of them.

 

“Umm No. Between Harry and I.”

 

The way Liam immediately retracted his hands from his was all the confirmation Louis needed to know that Liam had understood what he meant. ‘Something’ wasn’t just an argument between friends. Liam refused to look him in the eye instead fiddling with the watch on his wrist as he replied, his voice a broken whisper.

 

“When?”

 

Taking several deep breaths before replying, and desperately attempting to contain the tears that were about burst out, Louis tried to reach out his hand towards Liam. Liam flinched away.

 

“Li baby I am  so..”

 

Liam’s eyes shot up towards him, glazed with tears, his voice giving away he was close to crying.

 

“When Louis?”

 

Louis ran the hand that he reached out towards Liam through his hair. He wished he could tell Liam that this was an elaborate joke gone wrong.. very wrong. But this was actually happening and the tears that had begun to run down Liam’s face were only too real.

 

“Twelve years ago. It was only a week…”

 

Liam scrapped his chair back from the table and drew away from Louis as if he just said he had the plague. Liam knew exactly when it had been. The week that Louis had disappeared.

 

“Why are you telling me now Louis?”

 

“Nick found out and..”

 

“So your only telling me because you were afraid I would find out from someone else?!”

 

This time there was a bit more bite to Liam’s voice as he began to pace back and forth.  Pacing was never a good thing.

 

“I didn’t want to hurt you Liam… It was a bad time. We were…”

 

Apparently that was the wrong to say as the pacing stopped and Liam turned to send Louis a rare glower. Louis could tell he was struggling not to yell- it was around four in the morning after all. The kids were still asleep upstairs.

 

“Louis when is it the right time to find out you cheated on me?! And most people I know seem to cope with something in other ways than sleeping with your ex!”

 

It sounded even worse now Liam was saying it out loud. The process of loosing the baby was terrible and watching Lima have to got through it was unbearable. Ever since then he had refused to be the one to have the children, afraid he would lose one again.  Louis had wiped that part of his life out of his mind as much as was possible - that’s why he had forgotten as much as he could about what had happened with Harry. And in the long run it hadn’t meant anything. He was in love with Liam. And Harry. Well Harry was Harry. No other word could describe him. But there was no lust there anymore.  He loved him the way he loved Zayn and Niall.  

 

“Liam babe. I know it sounds terrible but it meant nothing.”

 

Snapping back, Liam’s voice portrayed the hurt inside.

 

“Sleeping with someone always means ‘something’ Louis. Especially when it’s Harry.”

 

Before Louis even had the chance to reply, Liam was striding out the kitchen door.  Louis could hear his hurried steps up the stair, before he bought his head into his hands wishing he could rewind to the moment he had strolled back into the hallway to surprise Liam.

 

As he walked up the stairs a few minutes later- he knew it would be stupid to presume that he should go back to their bedroom. He could well imagine the last person that Liam wanted to see right now was him- or Harry in fact.- so headed for the spare room. He just wanted Liam to know – that however much he hated him right now- Louis hated himself twice as much. Passing their bedroom on the way to spare room he heard it. Even through the shut wooden door, the sound of Liam crying bore right into his body breaking his heart. Sliding down against the door wishing he could be inside, Louis felt the first tears fall down his face, wanting more than anything to hold Liam against him and make all the pain stop.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so so much to all my absolutely wonderful readers!! I hope you all keep enjoying the story as much as I enjoy writing it :D I would love to know if you have any ideas that you may think would work in the story or any little moments you might want appearing as I'll try and fit them in if I can :D Much love xxxx

Alex lay back on his bed with his hands covering his face. Shit why had he said that? Watching Nick's face drop had been a punch in the stomach. If anyone could understand what it was like to live in the shadow of One Direction it was Nick - yet he seemed to be determined to ruin any allies he might actually have. His body was calling out for a cigarette-anything to get rid of the stress running through his body- but they were back at Louis and Liam's.

Sock Draw. He had definitely hidden some in there last time when Freddie and Marcus were here. He had met Marcus on one of his photo shoots where had immediately admired his natural ease with the camera and the way his eyes pierced right through him. What had shocked Alex even more was the manner he had introduced himself, without any presumption that Alex should know who he was or he knew who Alex was. With him, Alex was just Alex- not Alex Styles or son of Harry and Louis. 

 

Scrambling around in the sock draw he finally found what he was looking for. He clutched the pack of Marlboro Lights in his slightly shaking hand and headed towards the window. If Harry caught the smell of smoke in his room he was officially a dead man. Even more so than he already was. Ever since he could remember Harry had always been anti drugs and smoking. There had been the occasional comment about 'Louis and cocaine' but Alex had never dared ask. From what he could gather it had all happened around the time his Dads had broken up and he wasn't about to rush into that conversation, especially when Harry and Nick were fracturing in front of him. Grabbing his lighter from behind the Friends box set on his TV cabinet, Alex sat on his window ledge legs hanging off, feet brushing against the roof tiles. He lit the cigarette and took his first drag waiting for the burning sensation to relax his frayed nerves. He knew it was bad for him- he wasn't stupid contrary to what some of his teachers might say- but it helped. Helped hide his nerves when he was surrounded by people who only seemed to want one thing from him; sometimes he thinks he could be anyone- be an arrogant asshole and people wouldn't care. It's scary to think of who would be left if he got rid of his last name. His life was a game of trust. Get it wrong and he was screwed. It was all an adrenaline rush - how far could he push before it was too late. Before it was a step too far. The problem was with every step the last thrill wasn't good enough. He needed something bigger.   
  
A cough interrupted his thoughts and Alex almost dropped the cigarette in pure fear.

* * *

  
  
The bottle of wine was already long finished before one of them dared to say anything. If another minute passed of Nick and Harry shooting each other not so subtle glances, Ed was more than willing to hit both of them over the head with the empty bottle. That or crack himself open another one. It was painful for him to watch. Sure he understood why Harry was angry with Nick. He had been the one on the other end of the phone line when Harry had been waiting for Nick to come home from a night out; the one by Harry's side at premieres and parents evenings when Nick had been 'too busy' with Kate or Matt or Daisy or Greg. And although Harry was his closest friend, he couldn't help but feel for Nick. Harry may think that no one knew but he had known from the moment that Harry had come over to his apartment 12 years ago. His eyes tear stained and looking like he had when Ed had opened the door to him after he had broken up with Louis and One Direction was over. He hadn't ever mentioned anything - it wasn't his place but he could guess that Nick had found out. Louis would always be Harry's Achilles heel. He wasn't in love with him but he knew for Harry the way they had ended had never been enough. He still had questions unanswered and a life he could have had with Louis and Alex he would never know how it might have ended. Harry may have always acted older than his years- mature and grounded. But under it all he was still the 16-year-old boy who had auditioned for the X factor. He had never had the chance to grow up properly - forced to take on responsibilities that someone twice his age would struggle with. It was finally catching up with him and Ed wasn't about to let him fall. Not if he could help it.  
  
"What happened with Alex? At Liam's this week I mean?"  
  
The way that Nick flinched at Ed's mention of Louis' name didn't go unnoticed by anyone in the room.  
  
Harry took a deep breath before replying, looking Nick in the eye for the first time that evening.   
  
"He went to that party."  
  
Taking in the remaining dregs of his wine with one swift gulp, Nick shook his head despairingly.   
  
"Please tell me that's it."  
  
Ed watched as Harry's body sunk into his chair.  
  
"Liam found photos of him lying in the middle of the road… and taking drugs."   
  
The way Harry said it was like he was admitting defeat. Everything he had done to try and protect Alex had failed. With everything else crumbling around him, Ed knew Harry had taken his foot of the pedal with Alex. Hoping that everything he had instilled would be sufficient guidance. More than anything Ed knew Harry was angry with himself. He would think he had let his family down and if there was anything Harry cared about most it was family. It was his family who had told him to walk away from Louis; who had kept him sane through One Direction and the aftermath. If anyone asked Harry to show them what he was most proud of it wouldn't be the Brit and Grammy Awards gathered in the study, it would be the photos in his wallet. Alex's most recent school photo and the girls playing with Nick in the garden.  
  
Ed had to give Nick some credit for his reaction. Unlike Ed who knew his face was most definitely displaying some form of shock and horror, Nick looked calm albeit a little disappointed. Nick nodded slowly before pulling away from the table.

 

“I’m going to go and speak to Alex.”

 

He knew how Harry felt about drugs and how hard this must be for Harry- how much it would be killing him inside. It was hard for Nick too; he had lost friends to the powder and pills that haunted the London nightclub scene. But it wasn’t as black and white for him- the few years he had spent surrounded by it all had taught him not to jump to conclusions. That normally there was a reason for it. And not just that ‘it would be a laugh’. Truth be told when he saw Alex walk through the door that evening he had been waiting for Harry to say something. Alex had always been lanky but now he bordering on the minuet. He could practically feel his shoulder blades and ribs when he hugged him. Something definitely was not right.

 

Harry nodded slowly in confirmation before speaking.

 

“I think that may be a good idea.”

 

Nick sent Harry a short smile before quickly walking out the room and shutting the kitchen door behind him. He knew the minute he left Ed and Harry would start talking. Harry needed the time with Ed to get things off his chest he wouldn’t tell anyone else about what was happening. Unsurprised to find Alex’s door shut, Nick gave a quick knock before opening the door, greeted by the sight of Alex sitting on the window ledge a recognisable glow clutched in his fingertips.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of emotions in this chapter :'( Hope all you lovely readers enjoy and let me know what you think - have loved reading all your comments and suggestions :) xxx

“I’d put that out if I were you.”

 

Alex quickly dropped the cigarette, stubbing it out on the wall beneath the window ledge, turning away from the horrible look of disappointment written across Nick’s face. Turning back round and swinging his legs into the room, he was greeted by the site of Nick leaning against his bedroom wall, arms crossed across his chest.

 

“Where are the others?”

 

“That was the only…”

 

“Don’t bullshit me Alex.”

 

He was surprised by the tone of Nick’s voice. He wasn’t angry or yelling. Nick just sounded worn out. Seeing him there in Alex’s bedroom light he could spot the dark bags under Nick’s eyes, the way his hair was almost deflated and the stress lines around his mouth. Sensing Alex was torn, Nick spoke again.

 

“I’m only saying it for your own good Alex. I know I may sound like I’m nagging but handing them to me now will be a heck of a lot easier than waiting for Harry to find them. Especially if they're somewhere like your sock draw…”

 

“How did you know they were…”

 

Nick almost laughed at Alex’s shocked expression. He wasn’t going to mention the fact that the sock draw was half open and that it wasn’t solely his killer psychic skill set that had clued him as to their location. Although he was pretty good at reading Alex; something about him being a semi-clone of Harry who he was – well thought- he was an expert in.

 

“I know I may look old and decrepit but I was seventeen once. And I know it sounds a lot like ‘do as I say not do as I did’, but honestly Alex- smoking is shit.”

 

Alex nodded slowly before reaching into his back pocket, putting the packet into Nick’s outstretched hand. Nick pocketed the box, planning on chucking it on his was to work on Monday so Harry wouldn’t possibly find them.

 

“Thanks bud. I wont show these to your Dad.”

 

Alex’s reply was so quiet Nick almost didn’t hear.

 

“You are my Dad too.”

 

“Alex…”

 

This time Alex’s voice was a bit louder his voice tinged with desperation. It was when Alex was upset the northern tinges of his accent were exaggerated and he sounded more like Harry then ever.

 

“Listen I’m so sorry for what I said earlier, I didn’t mean it and I was just angry at everything and you were the first person…”

 

Nick stopped Alex’s rambling and pulled him tight against his chest, feeling the tension in Alex’s shoulders relax a little from the contact.

 

“I love you Alex.”

 

“I love you too. Please don’t leave.”

 

He pulled Alex even closer; glad he couldn’t see the tears that were forming in Nick’s eyes. He had cried too much recently- he couldn’t keep going like this

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

As he began to feel the shake of Alex’s shoulders against his chest, everything that was happening between him and Harry seemed so trivial. Their relationship wasn’t just about them anymore and Alex was living through all of their mistakes.  

 

“I’ll never leave you Alex. I promise.”

 

He and Harry needed to make a decision. They couldn’t keep living in this battlefield – it wasn’t just the two of them stuck in the crossfire. The only problem was that he knew that if they were going to get anywhere, they were going to have to talk about the ‘Louis’ situation. He knew he had fucked up- had spent too much time with his friends instead of with Harry. He had missed dates he shouldn’t have and gone out when he should have been with Harry. But Louis was Louis. If there was anyone Harry knew would hurt him- it was Louis. It was twelve years ago, but it was twelve years Harry had hidden it from him. For Nick, it was happening now. And reading through that letter had been a bullet straight threw Nick's heart. Every time Harry had promised him that there was nothing between him and Louis had been a lie. He had lied to him; he had lied to Liam. Selfishly he wanted to ignore it for as long as possible- he was pretty good at holding a grudge. In fact he was an expert.  But for the girls and for Alex he would do anything. He would let his heart break and if necessary he would walk away from Harry for good if it would be the best thing for his children. Letting his heart break was nothing compared to watching his children’s’.

 

* * *

 

After Nick had shut the door, Ed left it a few more moments before he spoke again, still letting what Harry had just said sink in. He couldn’t believe it. The boy who five minutes ago had been running round the garden naked and tucking into a bowl of Hoola Hoops was not the same person who was going out and getting high and drunk. Or who looked like you could fit a Hoola Hoop round his body. Ed had never worried that he didn’t have kids of his own- between Harry and the rest of One Direction he had his fair share of child experience. With the added benefit of being able to hand them back and not worry about all the ‘ responsibilities ’. But now he wasn’t so sure- he felt sick with the thought of what could happen to Alex. And if he felt like that he couldn’t imagine what Harry, Nick, Liam and Louis were going through.

 

“When did Alex become so …”

 

Harry sent him a side ways glance.

 

“Stupid?”

 

Ed snorted.

 

“Not what I was going to say but that fits just as well. He is a good kid underneath it all though. He was raised by you well enough- don’t doubt yourself mate. ”

  
Ed watched as Harry sighed and slumped forward onto the table.  
  
"I know I know. It's just a lot at the moment - and going to visit Liam today was harder than I thought."  
  
He didn't say anything letting Harry do all the talking. It was always best that way- let Harry get it all out first and then give his advice. He knew what Harry was going to say but Harry didn't know that. Had been waiting twelve years for him to say it.  
  
"There he was in their perfect house with their perfect kids and I walk in all black cloud and failed marriage; with my fucked up son, fucking up their perfect fucking marriage."   
  
By the end of his rant, Harry's voice was chocked with tears. Ed knew it was all getting too much for him. Everything with Nick was killing him more than he let on, especially as he thought no one knew so he was going through it alone. He couldn’t do it anymore – he couldn’t let Harry suffer through this.

“Harry I know.” 

Harry looked up at Ed startled, his eyes reflecting his shock despite the tears spread over them. Ed could practically feel the thoughts racing through Harry’s head.

 

“But..what..how… how long have you known?”

 

Ed moved his chair round closer to Harry’s.

 

“Ever since it happened.”

 

The expression on Harry’s face was a weird mix of relief and shame- glad that someone else knew so he could finally talk to someone about it , but embarrassed that someone knew how badly he had messed up.

“How- how did you know?”

 

Ed smiled lopsidedly at Harry, ruffling his hand through Harry’s curls.

 

“I’ve known you too long- I know your ‘Louis’ look. Knew it straight away when you turned up at my house after it happened.”

 

“None of the others spotted it.”

 

“Perhaps because they weren’t looking for it H. You are all like family – I don’t think any of you wanted to admit there was a problem – scared of what it might do.”

 

A fresh wave of tears passed over Harry’s face.

 

“But I’ve ruined it now. Ruined everything for all of us.”

 

Ed wasn’t having Harry take all the blame for this – Ed was under no impression that Louis didn’t know the power he exerted over Harry.

 

“It takes two people Harry…”

 

Harry’s answer was entirely unconvincing.

 

“I know I know.”

 

This time Ed wasn’t going to stand for it.

 

“I don’t think you do know Harry. You take the whole world on your shoulders sometimes mate. Sure you fucked up- I’m not denying that- but the last time I noticed having sex is definitely a two-way thing.  What happens between Louis and Liam is not your fault. And Harry just for the record, Alex looks up to you like no ones business. You may not have noticed bud, but that boy is your blinkin carbon copy – seriously it’s scary how much like you he is. So he has Louis’ dangerous streak, but right now that boy is fighting so hard to be like you Harry it’s killing him and at the moment all he can see is you falling apart in front of him.”

Wow. Ed hadn’t meant to go quite so straight to the point, in fact he didn't realise he was thinking all of that. It was funny what he could do after a glass of wine or two. But he knew it needed to be said. There was a boy upstairs who if they weren’t careful they were going to loose. And Ed wasn’t going to let that happen, not for him or for Harry.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint :D Thanks so much for everyone's continued support for this story as well as my others- it means so so so much! Please feel free to drop me a comment I love reading why you think and answering any questions you might have. Enjoy :) xxx

Harry couldn't help but smile at the site in front of him. Both Nick and Alex fast asleep on Alex's bed, Nick's arm wrapped tightly around Alex's shoulders. Just like he had done when he was younger, Alex's face was tucked into the crook of Nick's armpit. He allowed himself the moment to take in the rare picture, letting the conversation he'd just had with Ed run through his mind. To finally be able to tell someone felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders a bit. He had told someone who hadn't walked out on him the moment he admitted what had happened. Well apart from his Mum who had bullied it out of him on his recent trip and then made him phone his sister for her advice on the matter- but that was different. His mum and sister knew everything- the mafia could learn a thing or two from his family. Seeing Nick and Alex like this made him wish that the girls were here; that they were all snuggled up on the bed together. His family. The family he had worked so hard to get. Ed was right he couldn't let this slip away from him.

 

"Harry?"

 

Nick's voice, groggy with sleep, stirred Harry from his thoughts. He sounded just like when Harry used to wake him accidentally on his way to get to his early morning yoga session, back when it was just the two of them in Nick’s flat in Notting Hill. Not the angry tone that he had become used to of late. Harry cocked his head and sent Nick a half smile. He hated that he felt awkward here - unsure of what to do in a room with two of the people he loved most in the world.

 

"Sorry did I wake you up?"

 

Nick blinked slowly letting his eyes adjust to the light in the room, yawning slightly before speaking.

 

"No don't worry- Ed ok?"

 

"Yeah he's in the spare room downstairs. I told him to stay the night- no point him trying to get a taxi now; especially on a Friday evening."

 

An awkward silence fell over the pair neither knowing what to say. Harry took a deep breath before motioning with his hand towards the door.

 

"I'm going to go..."

 

Nick replied before he could stop himself.

 

"Stay."

 

Harry froze, one hand still clutched to the door handle. Nick spoke again his voice more confident this time.

 

"Stay Harry."

 

After a slight pause, Harry nodded before walking slowly over towards the bed. He rubbed his hand gently through Alex's brown curls comforted by the calm rise and fall of his shoulders as he slept. Nick watched as Harry's eyes filled with affection and worry for his only son.

"It's going to be ok you know."

 

Nick wasn't sure himself if he was talking about Alex or them. Harry looked straight back at him meeting his gaze, green eyes glistening in the dull bedroom light. His voice cracked upon his reply.

 

"I can't loose him."

 

Grabbing Harry's hand before he moved away, Nick spoke trying hard not to look at Harry's lips. Lips his body yearned for after so long apart. That he had never been able to resist. He was angry but underneath it all he was tired. Tired of being alone.

 

"I won't let that happen. You're my family no matter what."

 

Harry's long eyelashes flickered over his eyes and just for a moment Nick saw a flash of the old Harry. The Harry he hadn't seen in a long time - before all their problems had even started. The look of innocence and utter belief in whatever Nick said. The fragile person who he never let anyone see.

 

"I love you."

 

Nick wasn't sure who was more shocked at Harry's words. Despite all the fighting, they both knew that they loved each other. That's why it had been so hard - things are always worse when fighting with the people you care most about. But it had been a while since they had said it aloud to each other. Nick squeezed Harry's hand a bit tighter, rubbing his fingers over the band he was surprised to still find on Harry’s left hand.

 

"I love you too."

 

\-----------

 

Louis' eyes and neck ached as he went about setting up the plates and bowls for breakfast, his body on autopilot as he reached into the cupboards despite the fact that no one would be up for a few hours. He could certainly feel the effect of the five minutes or so sleep he had managed to get on the sofa, combined with jet lag from his recent trip. All he could think about was Liam. Liam who Louis was meant to protect. Who he would do anything for. And who had cried themself to sleep this morning in their bedroom alone.

 

The lack of sleep had at least given him time to formulate what he wanted to say. That was if Liam let him say it. This was one of the few problems of being with someone who hated confrontation – the build up to an argument could go on for days. Unlike Louis, who was more of the sudden explosion of anger type. That was why it was best he had time to plan what he wanted to say or he knew he was likely to say something he regretted. Also with six younger siblings he had learnt it was never a good idea to keep off an argument, as it would only lead to more arguments that then affected everyone in the house and some of the most awkward meal times he had ever sat through. That had been part of the problem with Harry. Both of them had explosive tempers and those around them would know if they had had an argument or if something had gone wrong. They were volatile – in love and anger. Not the stability he adored in his and Liam’s relationship. If you had told him when he was eighteen that what he would most want from a relationship wasn’t sex and a good time he would have laughed. And sure Liam had a God like physique and could do things with his tongue Louis never thought possible. But there was more; with Liam he felt safe and more at home then he ever had before. Louis had finally found out what it meant for home to be a person not a place.

           

The sound of the door opening drew Louis from his thoughts. Leo dawdled into the room wearing an old jumper of Louis’ from the first One Direction tour and his Nike running shorts, blonde hair curling slightly over his forehead.

 

“Morning sleepy head. What you doing up so early? Thought you teenagers liked lying into 2pm or something.”

 

Leo rolled his eyes at Louis before hoping up to sit on the kitchen table and grabbing a banana out of the fruit bowl.

 

“Going running with Dad in a minute. And you’re thinking of Alex. I don’t think he even knows what the morning on a weekend looks like.”

 

Louis laughed in agreement, trying to ignore the drop in his stomach at Leo’s mention of Liam. Leo took a bite out of his banana before shooting Louis a quizzical look.

 

“Why are you up so early? I thought you would be dead to the world seeing as America are behind on hours aren’t they?”

 

Shit. Why did he have to have an intelligent son who understood the concept of time difference?

 

“They are – bodies just all over the place. I..”

 

The rest of his sentence was interrupted by Liam walking into the room. Despite looking tired, he looked amazing in his tank top and trackies. The fact he refused to look Louis in the eye broke Louis’ heart a little.

 

“Ready to go Leo?”

 

Nodding with a mouth full of banana, Leo began to walk towards the front door as Liam walked over to the fridge to grab bottles of water. Liam visibly flinched as Louis reached out to help and he quickly retracted his arm.

 

“Liam…”

 

He acted as if he hadn’t heard Louis at all and strode towards the kitchen door only pausing slightly at the kitchen door, his voice cold and so un-Liam-like it hurt.

 

“We’ll be back in about an hour.”

 

He walked away leaving Louis alone in the kitchen, the sound of the front door slamming shut echoing around him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all my wonderful readers I hope you enjoy the chapter :D I would love to know what you think so please leave me a comment :) ENJOY!! :D xx

The smell of bacon wafting through the house was enough to wake Nick from his morning haze. Strange-the last he remembered the only thing they had in the fridge was wine and the left over bits of homemade cheesecake Daisy and Henry had bought over to try and cheer him up. Alcohol and chocolate- his go to for denial and a broken heart even now he was over the age of 40. He tried to sit up only to find himself pinned to the bed. For some reason Nick’s mind couldn't decipher in his half awake state, his right arm was completely numb. It was only when he looked over and saw the tangled mess of two heads of brown curls and intertwined black skinny jeans he remembered where he was. The posters on the wall another key as to his location. That was unless Harry had had an overnight flash back to his teenage days and replaced the 'meaningful' art pieces in their room with band posters and photos of teenage parties . Despite Harry’s bizarre obsession with modern art, Nick no matter how hard he ‘tried' still didn't seem to be able to find the hidden meaning. Fifteen years in and he couldn't get rid of that weird painting that hung above their TV, that creeped him out every time he watched Kardashian reruns. Judging him for his lack of 'appreciation of culture'. As far as Nick was concerned it was a merge of colours Harry had spent way too much money on when they could have gone on holiday instead. Or bought another dog- he would have been ok with either option. 

 

Lying against theduvet he wished he could stay longer- indulge in their company without any worries or arguments. Just his family. But to his annoyance his bladder was calling and the smell of bacon was becoming incredibly irresistible to his rumbling stomach. Without Harry there to cook, meal times had consisted of takeaways and the occasional tub of half baked Ben and Jerry's. Although Fiona had taken pity and brought him over a homemade lasagna once and Fincham had even let him share his lunch when his stomach had grumbled loudly on air in the middle of Harry's new record. 

 

After some manoeuvring Nick managed to untangle himself from the mass of limbs on Alex's bed. By some miracle, Nick's less than graceful tumble out of the bed managed to not disturb the other two gently snoring bodies. Alex only twitching slightly and Harry flailing an arm out to the side. He always had been an ‘active’ sleeper. Nick had ended up on the floor too many times to mention due to Harry's flailing limbs. Especially in the tiny bunk beds on the tour buses- definitely not made for two six foot blokes sleeping let alone trying to do anything else. Nick swears he still has a scar from his midnight tumble somewhere between Birmingham and Manchester. 

 

He had always been the first one up- used to early starts from his breakfast show. It had definitely been an asset which had helped when the girls were younger. He missed his daughters like crazy - the phone calls and Skype conversations no replacement for having them with him. If people had told him 20 years ago what would bring him most joy was watching Cbeebies and playing dance mat he would have laughed in their face. Vodka coke and cigarette in hand. But a green eyed boy had changed all that. And for a while that had scared him but he would just about do anything for Harry Styles. Fuck it - he had discussions with fellow school mums about the benefits of organic snacks and even joint owned a flaming Ocado account.For which he had forgotten the password for - but that was beside the point. The Nick staring back it him from Alex's mirror may not look that dissimilar to before, besides the few - who was he kidding- the many wrinkles; his quiff still as wild. But he wasn't the same person who Harry had met twenty years ago at an awards show. That Nick would have walked out long before now. And that meant more than Nick had ever realised before. 

Creeping carefully across the room,Nick shut the door quietly behind him before heading downstairs towards the enticing smell and the sounds of singing he could now hear drifting up through the house.

 

The sight of Ed coated in flour wearing Harry's 'kiss the chef' apron was more than Nick's mind could cope with at this early hour of the morning. 

 

"Morning Nicholas- take a seat I'll be finished in a minute."

 

He would take a seat if he could but Nick currently couldn't see a spare spot underneath their kitchen table that wasn't weighed down in a mass of Waitrose bags.

 

"Umm..."

 

Ed turned round again taking in Nick's almost shellshocked expression. Looking around he could realise why- the kitchen looked like he had decided to set up is own greengrocers. Maybe he had gone slightly overboard. But seeing Alex last night made him want to fix everything- and Ed was a feeder. 

 

“Yeah I came to look in your fridge earlier and decided that as much as I like Cheesecake- there definitely wasn't enough to share between four us. So I kinda went a bit nuts at Waitrose…”

 

“Kinda?”

 

“I bought Alex’s favourite chocolate cake?”

 

Nick nodded slowly, the smell of bacon and the pancakes Ed was currently whizzing up making his stomach grumble embarrassingly loud.

 

“The one with the salted caramel buttercream?”

 

Ed smiled widely at Nick.

 

“The very one; not a piece of kale or Quinoa in sight.”

 

A wide grin matching Ed’s appeared on Nick’s face. 

 

“You Mr Edward Sheeran are a wonder. Please tell me you got the Bonne Mam…”

 

Reaching across the kitchen surface, Ed picked up a large pack of croissant and a sizeable jar of strawberry jam.

 

“I could literally kiss you right now.”

 

“Now that would be disturbing.”

 

Both Nick and Ed turned towards the door to see Harry rubbing a hand through his hair as a large yawn spread over his face. Seeing Harry like this; all soft curls and sleepy eyes made Nick just want to kiss him and wrap him in his arms. This was the Harry the rest of the world didn't get to see; the one who wore mismatching pyjamas; made shapes out of toast and watched Homes under the Hammer with breakfast. It was the Harry Nick loved the most- sure he looked amazing at all the photo shoots, music videos and film premieres but it was without all the fancy clothes and styling Harry looked his best. 

 

“Sorry did I disturb you…”

 

Harry waved his hand absentmindedly. 

 

“Nahh I just felt you leaving..”

 

There was a slight awkward pause before Harry addressed the state of the kitchen.

 

“Why does our kitchen look like a bomb site?”

 

Nick and Ed exchanged a glance before Ed replied.

 

“I made breakfast?”

 

To anyone else that wouldn't really be an explanation but instead a smile began to appear on Harry’s face.

 

“Cool. Please tell me…”

 

“The eggs are already to scramble and yes smoked salmon is in the fridge.”

 

“Fabulous you are amazing.”

 

A worried look crossed Harry’s face.

 

“Let’s just hope Alex will eat some of this.”

 

Ed smiled wickedly. He had known Alex long enough to know no matter what, he would never be able to turn down his famous pancakes. And the rather large shopping bill he had just receivedwas all the more worth it seeing as he had witnessed Nick and Harry smile more than he had in a few months. In fact seeing them in the same room together was a rarity in itself. 

 

“He ain’t leaving this room till he’s about to pop. And puppy dog eyes or charming smiles are not going change my mind on that one.”

 

Harry smiled gratefully at Ed reaching over and grabbing a strawberry from the table before asking Nick a question. Despite his efforts, Harry managed to sound anything but nonchalant.

 

“You know we’ve got Zayn and Pez’s anniversary dinner this evening right?”

 

Nick remembered alright- could still remember the day they got married. Little Alex toddling between the rows and him and Harry having just got together officially. It had been so strange to be at an event where he was allowed to hold Harry’s hand. To finally be with the person who hehad been in love with for years and not watch them with someone else. To see him in a relationship which he could tell was going from bad to worse. It seemed like a life ago. And he thought it had got easier having the ex around all the time. Most couples didn't have to deal with the other’s ex permanently in their lives but for Nick and Liam it was a permanent feature. He had put all his insecurities to one side and accepted Harry’s words that he was the only one for him. Ever since they had been together, Nick hadn't even looked at anyone else- despite the incessant rumours published in the tabloids- so to find out that Harry had been with Louis. It was harder than anything - like having every bone in your body broken time after time. Ever since he had found out he hadn’t seen either Louis or Liam- he’d barely managed to cope to see Harry. So the prospect of spending the whole evening - celebrating a happy marriage whilst sat next Harry and across the way from Louis. Well it didn't seem exactly appealing. The only way he could possibly get through it was with large quantities of alcohol. Which would just lead to him getting drunk and him and Harry arguing. Poor Perrie didn't deserve that at her celebration. 

 

“Yeah- I don’t have to go if you don't want….”

 

Harry took a bite of the strawberry, looking Nick in the eye as he replied.

 

“I was wondering if we both didn't go- I was worried about Alex being by himself and what with everything going on…”

 

“I’ll look after Alex.”

 

Both Nick and Harry turned to look at Ed.

 

“Are you sure?

Ed nodded fervently.

 

“Yes Im sure. Look I know it seems like a shit idea but I honestly think going will help.”

 

Harry looked enquiringly at Nick. 

 

“What do you think Nick?”

 

He bit his nail before replying, knowing the answer to the question would mean more than if he wanted to go to the party. Why was he making such large decisions before breakfast?

 

“Yeah. I’m up for it.”

 

A slight smile crossed Harry’s lips and for the first time in a while it actually reached his eyes. The exchange was broken by a voice from the door.

 

“What the fuck happened in here?”

 

“Language Alex.”

 

Alex rolled his eyes spectacularly as he leaned against the door frame and the three adults couldn't help but share a laugh. Ed turned and waved his frying pan at Alex.

 

“Breakfast - Sheeran style. “

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so so so much to everyone who continues to read my stories - it means the world :) I hope you all enjoy the new chapter despite it being a saddun' :'( Please let me know what you think - I love reading what you say and am always ready to answer any questions you might have :D xx

The slam of the front door jolted Louis from his doze on the kitchen table, his sudden elbow movement causing the Sugar Puff box to fall over onto its side. Thankfully the contents remained in the box- it would be all he needed for them to all come out. The last time Lola had spilled her Cheerios they had been finding those bloody Os for months after. As the voices headed towards the kitchen Louis dragged himself out of the chair and busied himself with boiling the kettle. He didn't want to the give the impression to Leo that he had been sat there wallowing for the past hour- rearranging he cereal boxes at least six times-  or something was wrong as his Dad wasn't his normal bubbly self.   
  
"Well done Leo- you knocked the spots off me on that last mile. I'm going to need to run more often to keep up with you."  
  
"Well you are getting old Dad..."  
  
"Less of the old you!"

  
"If he's old I must be ancient!"  
  
Louis joined in the conversation as the both Liam and Leo entered the room, both looking decidedly red and sweaty. He plastered a fake grin on his face which only faded ever so slightly at the lack of any reaction from Liam.   
  
"So that'd be why I saw you in my history textbook; you still friends with Julius Caesar?"  
  
Laughing, Louis pulled Leo into his shoulder, whilst poking him gently in the chest. It seemed it wasn't only Alex and Lola who had inherited his playful steak.  
  
"Best of buddies you cheeky bugger. Ugh you're all gross and sweaty."  
  
Louis pushed Leo away dramatically, overly aware of Liam's silent figure leaning against the counter top checking through his phone. A sly grin appeared on Leo's face before he replied.  
  
"Nothing you’re not used to eh Dad."  
  
Ok since when did Leo start using sexual humour? And when did Leo learn what happened in sex! He didn't know whether to laugh or be horrified. Even Liam looked up from his phone a startled look in his face.  
  
"Guys you look like I just told you I killed someone or something not told a joke."  
  
Liam was the first to recover from the shock.  
  
"Just give us a heads up next time bud- don't want to give your dads a heart attack. You are still our baby."  
  
Leo rolled his eyes fondly before shuffling over to the door. Liam called out just before he was about to leave.  
  
"You still ok to watch your brother and sisters this evening- we've got Uncle Zayn's anniversary dinner?"  
  
Damn he had had forgotten about that. A whole evening of sitting in a room with Harry and Nick. This was not what Liam needed, seeing Harry was going to send him over the edge. Liam was too polite to not go though, especially as it was Zayn. Louis wished for the first time Leo was like Alex and had arranged something else forgetting about what he had agreed to do.  
  
"Yeah that's fine got some English homework to do anyway."  
  
"You still not finished that bud?"  
  
"Not yet..."  
  
Leo looked awkwardly at the floor, fiddling with kitchen door handle avoiding the look of concern on Liam's face.   
  
"You know we are always here to help and Alex is as well."  
  
"I know it's just..."  
  
Louis knew it must be hard. Leo had always struggled with reading and writing and being diagnosed with serious dyslexia a few years ago had been another knock to his confidence. Especially when he was up against Alex, who had a natural affinity for anything wordy and breezed through with minimal effort.   
  
"I can look at it tomorrow morning after you've finished it if you want? We can go for brunch if you like as well just you and me at Duck and Waffle or Bumpkin or something. "  
  
Leo looked up and smiled at Louis.   
  
"Yeah ...um yeah I'd like that. How long till the others get up?"  
  
"Half an hour at most - Lola has ballet at nine."  
  
"I'll go and quickly jump in the shower then."  
  
After shutting the door behind him, a tense silence fell over his parents, Liam still unmoved from his place against the counter.

“I think we should talk to the school again- I don’t think they are providing enough support.”

Louis nodded along, all too eager to agree with whatever Liam had to say. Although he was right anyway, he didn’t want Leo suffering unnecessarily and unfairly. They were certainly paying the school enough.

“I can phone them later….”

Liam cut Louis off.

“I’ll do it.”

“Ok. Do you want me to make you a cup of tea?”

“No thanks.”

The short answers were killing Louis along with the fact that Liam was still refusing to look him in the eye. He walked towards him, reaching out to grab Liam’s arm which violently flinched away from his hand, eyes filled with anger finally meeting Louis’.

“Don’t touch me.”

There was an unusual amount of venom in Liam’s voice. It didn’t suit him – his brown puppy eyes and soft lilting voice designed for laughter and smiles.

“I’m sorry… “

Louis faltered slightly pulling his hand away and into the pocket of his jumper.

“We don’t have to go…”

The snide tone on Liam’s voice sent shivers down Louis’ spine.

“Just because you’ve fucked up our marriage doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate someone else’s. Perhaps you could learn a few lessons from Zayn and Perrie while we are there. Or sneak off out back to shag Harry or whatever you … “

“Liam stop…”

“Stop what Louis? Telling you the truth?! Or are you so out of practise of doing that…”

“Liam you know I love...”

“Don’t even say It Louis. I don’t… I can’t hear it right now.”

The breaking of Liam’s voice didn’t go unnoticed to Louis before it was hidden again by the cool tone of before.

“Why don’t you go and get dressed- I’ll wake the kids.”

 “It’s ok I can…”

“No- I… I don’t want you near them.”

It took all of Louis’ strength not to break apart right there. Liam manoeuvred awkwardly around Louis before he walked out the kitchen, without even a backwards glance towards Louis, shutting the door firmly behind him. But as the tears began to fall down Louis’ face and he gripped the counter top to stop him crumbling, what he couldn’t hear was the muffled sob the other side of the door as Liam leant against it.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :D xx


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy all my lovely readers! :D Also for picture inspiration for this story and my other stories check out my tumblr- http://hllnz1dfanfic.tumblr.com/

By the time Ed had finished his breakfast cooking spree the table was no longer groaning under bags but plates of food. Sausages, scrambled eggs, fried bread , strawberries and even a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked  ice cream. Just looking at it all was making Alex’s stomach growl; hungry for the kind of food he had been denying himself for the past few months. Especially now he could see Ed’s chocolate chip pancakes just to his left and what could only be his favourite salted caramel chocolate cake. He felt almost wrong; a small part of his brain still trying to weigh up what would be the least calorific option. But he knew that he wasn’t going to get out of this without eating at least 3 plates worth of food like he would have done previously. And in some way he was pleased- he growing tired of it. Tired of the voices and the weariness that had taken over his body. He knew it was stupid and at the end of the day he was starving himself for a bloody photographer and a judgemental group of tabloids and journalists who cared more about who he was than what he did or what he achieved.  

Lying there last night, feeling both Nick and Harry against him, Alex felt more relaxed than he had in a while. The last thing he had expected when he came to stay at Harry and Nick’s was to be sat having breakfast all together, Nick laughing as Ed and Harry sang together – worryingly both knowing the words to the entirety of the Aladdin soundtrack. He didn’t know if it was better or worse that both of them could do a scarily accurate impression of Jasmine. It made Nick smile when Alex genuinely laughed out loud instead of masking his amusement with an eye roll and scowl, when Ed shimmied over to Harry twirling his apron ties pretending to be an Arabian guard. It was the kind of thing most his school friends would find overwhelming uncool but to Alex, it was his family. The family that had been missing for a while.

 He knew he shouldn’t have gone to the party and that having a fake ID was a completely stupid idea, but being there amongst his school friends drunk and stoned was a welcome relief from his thoughts only if it was for the night. Helped him forget for a while. For those few hours he didn’t have to worry about the stress and whispers at model go-sees or his parents crying behind closed doors when they didn’t think he could hear. Whether Leo was being bullied or the twins would have to grow up between homes. All he had to do was plaster on a smile and be Alex Tomlinson Styles; party extraordinaire. And that was a hell of a lot easier than what else he was worried about.  Yes it was shallow, his school colleagues spending more money in one evening than some would earn in a year. Underneath it all he knew people were using him for his name but he had fun even if the laughs and smiles were often a little too bright to be genuine. Freddie was always there as well. A reassuring constant in Alex’s life. He was smart and polite with a wicked sense humour. The kind of guy parents dream of their daughter bringing home.  And despite Alex accidently kissing him at a house party in year eleven he hadn’t told anyone. In fact he had grown even more protective of him. They were the indestructible duo; Freddie knew more about Alex than his parents did and Alex saw behind the cocky façade that Freddie put on at school. Knew that he really did care that his parents were gone for months on end and that their form of parenting was sending the occasional envelope stuffed with wads of cash. Alex saw the sad and longing looks when Freddie had come over for dinner at the way Nick and Harry would try and embarrass Alex with tales of him as a child; forgetting the lasagne was in the oven and ending up having to order take away.

Ed flourished a plate of bacon sandwiches on to the table before sinking into the chair opposite Alex, looking proudly at the spread of food in front of him.

“How do you fancy becoming our live in chef?”

Ed laughed shooting Harry a friendly middle finger whilst pouring himself a glass of orange juice from the jug in the centre of the table. 

“F off Styles; I don’t think that Heat would know what to do with it self either if I came to live with you. Send all your fans into a frenzy. And it’s not like you can’t cook either H…”

“Apart from risotto..”

Trying to hide his pleasure in that Alex was joining in the conversation, Harry faked a huff.

“Hey that was one time and it was because the wine was off!”

“Sure sure Dad, because that was why the chicken was uncooked.”

Nick and Alex exchanged a knowing look and Ed laughed along with them as Harry grabbed the plates from the cupboard in fake sulk. It always made Ed smile that Harry had Emma Bridgewater plates. Harry had always insisted that they were ones his Mum hadn’t wanted anymore but the fact that the collection kept growing, especially around the time of the sales, and that some of the pieces were definitely new designs was a dead giveaway. He never mentioned it- after all it was what made Harry Harry; quirks and all. Plus it made a nice change from the chipped collection he had at home that he still refused to replace despite Harry’s tutting.

Ignoring the three chuckling, Harry placed the plates down on the one free spot on the table; his stomach fluttering slightly in anticipation of how Alex was going to react. Ed could sense Harry’s nerves and reached over to grab the top plate; turning towards Alex with a neutral smile on his face. Voice as casual as he could muster.

“What can I get you Al?”

Alex paused, a slight panicked expression taking over as he took in all the food in front of him.

“Umm…”

“How about a bit of everything?”

All three adults waited anxiously for Alex’s reply.

“Yeah.. Um okay.. that sounds good.”

Ed tried to remain casual as he smiled at Alex before he started piling, maybe somewhat excessive amounts onto the plate, fully aware of the shared looks of relief between Nick and Harry. 

* * *

 

Louis normally loved the chaos of Saturday breakfast. After all it was one of the only times of the week the whole family would sit together and enjoy each other’s company. It was loud and messy but he wouldn’t swap it for anything. But today, amongst the waving arms of Lola and Noah’s recent decision that he didn’t like raspberry jam after refusing to eat nothing but for the past few weeks, all Louis could pay attention to was that Liam was refusing to look him in the eye. That this morning every time they came close to sharing eye contact, Liam would quickly look the other way. Or if one of the children asked for something, even it were closer to Louis, Liam would get it. For the first time Louis was the victim of Liam’s protective streak and it scared him. He knew he had fucked up and badly at that. But they were still his kids as well; he wasn’t going to do anything to hurt them. If Liam wasn’t careful Leo would pick up on it and if he and the others found out- it would hurt them more than anything else.

“Daddy Lou- why do we have white bread? My friend Jasper said that his mummy only buys granarly bread and that white bread is evil.”

Leo snorted into his bowl of muesli.

“Jasper’s mum would.”

Shooting Leo a half-hearted disapproving glare, Louis turned his attention back to Noah. Leo was right; Jasper’s mum was a first class bitch. She was always shooting him disapproving looks in the playground when he bought his kids a packet of sweets at the end of the day as a treat on a Friday. Poor Jasper , all the boy ever got was organic raisins and nuts. Louis always made sure to sneak him extra lots of party rings and crisps when he came over for birthday parties. Secretly hoping he would go home and act as sugar possessed demon.

“It’s granary sweetheart.  And we can try some if you want bud?”

Noah shook his head furiously.

“No thank you Daddy- I tried some of his at school and it was yucky. “

“Yucky isn’t a word Noah you idiot.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it isn’t.”

Liam interrupted before the fight between Noah and Lola escalated, although he was temporarily distracted by Matilda squeezing her banana onto the table with a gleeful giggle.

“That’s enough and Lola please don’t call your brother an idiot. Tillie you know we don’t squish our food…”

“But he…”

“Lola you heard what Daddy said- we don’t call people mean names.”

Sensing that Lola was about to enter a full on strop, Leo butted in.

“So how was your recording session with Niall and Zayn yesterday?”

“Umm good… yeah I think I’m going to record another album maybe.”

Louis couldn’t help the smile that followed Liam’s statement. It had been awhile since Liam had last released anything, always using the excuse that someone needed to be there for the kids or he was happy just being at home.

“That’s fab news Li…”

“Yeah well I’ve got plenty to write about.”

The coolness of Liam’s tone didn’t go unnoticed by him or Leo who awkwardly looked back into his bowl. Thankfully the youngest three didn’t catch on to anything, Noah too busy building a house with his toast and Lola decorating it with some of the strawberries from her own bowl. Louis, who had barely been picking at his cereal in the first place, completely lost his appetite aided by Matilda squishing her banana further across her place matt.

“Have you finished Lola? It’s almost time for your ballet lesson. Leo could you wipe up Tillie’s mess for me?”

Louis didn’t even bother asking to do it instead; he knew what the answer would be. Liam was going to have to let him do something eventually, they had four kids to look after. And as amazing as Liam was, he wasn’t superman.

Leo looked back up, confused by the obvious underlying tension between his parents. He had thought something was strange this morning before his run- normally when Louis came back from a trip they would be all over each other- Liam laughing at everything Louis said and touching at every possible opportunity, so much so it was almost sickening. But this morning they could barely make eye contact with each other. He knew something was wrong between Nick and Harry. Alex had said as much and Harry hadn’t exactly looked amazing this evening, but he thought his parents were fine. Before Louis had gone away everything had been the same- but this… This was odd. He didn’t like how this felt. Not one bit.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think- I appreciate every single comment :D x


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all my lovely readers - sorry it's been a while since I updated. Everything's been a bit manic but I hope this chapter makes up for it :) Would love it if you checked out my new story- You're Only Skin and Bones - it's something a bit different but I hope you will enjoy it :) Let me know what you think of this chapter in the comments - i love reading what you think. xxx

 

 

“Oh God I still remember that bit in the show after the Brit awards..”

 

Ed took in Alex’s confused expression before turning on Harry.

 

“Please tell me you’ve played him the post Brit Award Show.”

 

The flush rising on Harry’s cheeks was definitely something Alex rarely saw. Nick looking vaguely sheepish was another rarity.

 

“What happened at the…”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Ed couldn’t help but laugh at Nick and Harry’s joint response. The Brits - the good old days back when Harry first started sleeping with Nick. When he would blush endlessly if someone even mentioned Nick’s name. The awkward silences if Louis was ever even in the room with Nick in an interview. Things had been going from bad to worse in Louis and Harry’s relationship, but as soon as all three of them were in one room together Louis would find as many ways to touch Harry as possible. Arm around his shoulders, hand on his knee; whatever he could do to signal ‘Back OFF.’.

 

“Come on- you have to tell me.”

 

“Nope- I don’t have to tell you anything Mr Stay Out on a School Night.”

 

“Low blow Dad.”

 

Harry wiggled his eyebrows at Alex over his coffee cup, still inwardly glowing over the mass of empty plates surrounding Alex and the warm glow that had taken over his skin.

 

“Who said I had to play fair?”

 

The doorbell ringing distracted Harry from Ed’s sly grin as he bought his phone out from his trouser pocket.

 

“I’ll get that.”

 

 Nick didn’t miss it though and his fears were only confirmed as Ed’s phone started to play, an unmistakable voice ringing out through the kitchen. Harry froze halfway through the door, stunned by the sound of a much younger him. It was weird even hearing it. He had heard his voice so many times on recordings; Radio shows and TV interviews but it had been a long time since he had heard himself like this. So unguarded – filterless due to the gallon of alcohol running through his veins- and completely happy. It was the day he realised he was in love with Nick.

 

“Ed don’t you dare…”

 

“ **Gooooood morning everyone…**

 

“Oh my God- Dad you are so drunk!!”

 

“I’m getting the door..”

                                         

Harry rushed out the kitchen; the sound of Alex laughing intermixed with Nick rambling about leather trousers from Ed’s phone echoing down the hallway. It wasn’t so much the embarrassment – sure having your teenage son listen to you completely smashed off your face wasn’t the best thing in the world especially seeing the circumstances- but listening to himself sound so completely in love with Nick. That he wasn’t quite ready for this morning.  

 

Pulling open the front door, the sight of his sister’s blonde-brown hair was a welcome relief, his body relaxing before she even pulled him into a hug.

 

“What are you doing here Gem?’

 

“Do I need a reason for seeing my baby brother?”

 

His reply was interrupted by another boom of laughter from Alex followed by Nick’s voice to pleading with Ed to turn it off. Gemma tilted her head up towards Harry still cursing the height difference between them.

 

“Is that Nick?”

 

Harry scratched awkwardly at the back of his head.

 

“Umm… yeah”

 

Gemma expression was unreadable. He knew she was of mixed opinions about their relationship. She had even told him so- the Styles siblings let nothing go unsaid between them, no matter how bad what they needed to say was. Harry knew it wasn’t so much she didn’t like Nick- quite the contrary- it was more that she didn’t want Harry hurt. And Gemma was allowed to be biased- she was his sister after all.

 

“Harry we need to do something about Ed playing….Gemma?”

 

“Hey Nick.”

 

The coolness of her tone was barely traceable; her smile only one twitch away from genuine but Harry didn’t miss her quick inspection of his neck for any traceable marks. Despite knowing nothing was there and that even if they had had sex he was old enough to make his own decisions, he still rubbed self-consciously against his neck.

 

“Do you want a coffee or something?  We’re all just in the kitchen. Ed and Alex are here.”

 

“Coffee would be great thanks.”

 

It was strange hearing Nick sound uncertain around his family. Harry didn’t like it.

 

“Nick how drunk were you?”

 

Alex’s shouts interrupted the tension.

 

“I better get back – before Ed plays him anything else. Milk two sugars yeah?”

 

“Yeah – just like my brother. Soo predictable us Styleses”

 

Nick flashed a quick grin befre he retreated back into the kitchen, shutting the door behind him to allow Harry and Gemma some privacy. Stepping back from him, Gemma crossed her arms across her chest in a position that was scarily identical to their Mum’s.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“Ed’s playing Alex the Brit radio show.”

 

Gemma’s eyes widened slightly.

 

“Ooh. Ooh. Wow good lcuk with that one.”

 

There was a slight pause before Gemma spoke again- her voice decidedly more serious than it was the moment before.

 

“What Nick doing here?”

 

Harry was unsure how to answer. He would be lying if he said it was nothing but it wasn’t what Gemma thought.

 

“Something happened with Alex.”

 

Gemma didn’t look surprised. In fact if Harry wasn’t mistaken there was a definite look of regret.

 

“H I need to tell you something.”

 

She dug into her bag, pulling out a copy of the Daily Mail.

 

“Promise me to not freak out when you see this.”

 

“Gemma don’t be stu..”

 

“Promise me Harry. “

 

He was worried now. Last time Gemma had been like was when Louis and Zayn’s video was just leaked. When Harry had had no idea it was even coming.

 

“I promise.”

 

Still looking slightly unsure, Gemma passed over the newspaper. It took a while for Harry to take in the front page, the photos and print blurring in his mind.

 

**_Grimshaw Out. Drugs In-_ ** _Alex Tomlinson Styles the victim of a broken home._

__

There for the whole world to see, slap bang in the middle of the front page was Alex.  Stoned and drunk off his face. He wasn’t looking directly at the camera but there was no mistaking who those curls belonged to. This wasn’t meant to happen. Not to his little boy. And there right next to it was a photo of Nick leaving the house; rucksack slung on his back; sunglasses firmly over his eyes despite the fact it was gone nine at night.

 

“Fuck.”

 

He could feel the waves of anger rushing through him; all his focus directed to the article in front of him, unable to feel Gemma gripping his arm until she pinched at his wrist. This time when he looked up he couldn’t help the tears that were beginning to pool around his eyes.

 

“Fuck Gem. What do I do?”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days - I must be on a roll or something haha :D I hope you enjoy the chapter- let me know what you think :) Check out my tumblr ( http://hllnz1dfanfic.tumblr.com/) as well if you fancy for photos and inspiration for all my stories :) xxx

Louis had been left in charge of the food shopping- that’s all Liam had trusted him with. Although the fact that it was physically impossible for Liam to fit all the kids in the car, get them all to their activities and food shop may have been more the driving incentive. It was quiet for once in the Whole Foods just round the corner from them, only him and a few businessmen marauding the aisles. He supposed most people were still lying in bed this early on a Saturday or off with their kids. He was normally in charge of the ballet lessons and Liam would do the tennis and karate; Liam not too found of the fellow mothers at the ballet. Louis was used to it, five younger sisters giving him plenty of training; he was also not opposed to a bit of ‘tactical involvement’. If someone was going to steal the fairy wings off of his daughters he wasn’t going to stand back and let that happen. That would just be bad parenting.

 

            The jet lag was beginning to kick in, Louis’ eyes blurring slightly with tiredness behind his sunglasses. He was normally against wearing sunglasses indoors but unless the supermarket wanted a walking zombie ,whose eyes were permanently on the edge of tears, in their shop they would have to put up with him looking like a douche.  They had moved the aisles round since he last came in, the coconut water now in the place where the cereal had been, almost like the shop were playing a joke on his tired mind. Mocking him for all his fucked up decisions. At least he had found the list Liam had stuck to the fridge. Otherwise his aimless wondering through the supermarket would have been twice as bad. Everything in here was a walking reminder - Liam’s favourite chocolate brownies; the ravioli he had cooked for them when they first moved into the new house. Why did he just not online order at home; safe in his bed with a galloon of ice cream. They didn’t have any ice cream in – that was why.

 

            His phone rang as he was deciding between two bags of pasta, unable to remember which shape was Noah’s favourite. The ringing was a welcome distraction. It would probably be one of the boys checking plans for later. Maybe he didn’t want to answer. Talking to one of them would only confirm something was wrong. They all knew each other’s schedules; knew what each of them were doing at each moment. Sure it was intense but after spending so much time together it was only natural that they were all involved in each other’s lives. Putting both pasta bags in the trolley, Louis answered his phone. He didn’t even bother looking at the ID, in fear of psyching himself out of answering.

 

“Hello Lou-bear. I was just ringing before the rest of the house wakes up.”

 

The sound of his Mum’s voice even through the crackly iPhone speaker made his eyes begin to water again.

 

“Mum I….”

 

Louis only managed the two words before his voice cracked. The person next to him giving him a look of half concern half bemusement as he seemingly broke down over pasta shapes in the middle of the Kensington Whole Foods.

 

“Louis baby where are you? What’s happened?”

 

Without even being there, he could imagine her already looking for her car keys. He maybe pushing forty but she was still as protective of him as ever. 

 

“Mum it’s fine…”

 

“Well it’s obviously not fine.”

 

“I’m just tired – I didn’t sleep very well. You know I don’t cope well with jet lag. How are you?”

 

She sighed obviously not believing a word he was saying, but she knew him well enough to know that he would tell her eventually. He never was any good at hiding things from her

 

“Busy busy- the norm. You know how it is. Both the twins are coming home from University for the afternoon. And Fliss has just broken up with Jasper so she’s coming round today. She’d appreciate you phoning I’m sure”

 

Louis scowled.

 

“Always knew he was a wanker- she ok?”

 

“Yeah she’s fine – bit upset but she’ll get over it.”

 

There was a pause before his Mum spoke again, her voice unusually hesitant.

 

“How’s Liam?”

 

He took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears that were pricking at his eyes falling. He wasn’t normally such an emotional person but the tiredness combined with worrying about Alex and Liam had driven him to the edge.

 

“Fine.”

 

Jay didn’t speak for a moment, letting Louis settle his thoughts. Somehow without even knowing she always hit the nail on the head. Mother’s intuition. He guessed he was the same way with his kids.

 

“Louis no one is ever ‘fine’. What’s happening sweetheart?”

 

The tears began fall past his glasses and he quickly pushed his trolley in the direction of the exit. He wasn’t about to do a Britney and have a public break down. They had enough other shit to deal with without that.

 

“I don’t know Mum… everything’s come out and I.. I cant make it better….”

 

His tearful ramblings made no sense even to him but his mother’s panicked voice didn’t register. Her voice a blur in the background of his mind when his sight, however distorted by tears, landed on the pile of newspapers by the front desk. One particular photo standing out more than anything. The headline burning into his eyes.

 

“Mum I’ll ring you back.”

 

Hanging up , his mum still mid sentence would only increase her concern. But right now he didn’t care. All he could think about was his son. His son whose photo was splashed across a national paper for the world to see. This wasn’t meant to happen. He had protected them all his life from the press; from the words and stories that had haunted so much of his life when he was younger. The speculation and rumours that had played a part in ruining his and Harry’s relationship. But that naïve protective bubble Louis had relied on was gone. Looking at the photo; Louis knew that bubble had burst. And Alex was about to bear the brunt of it.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO SO MUCH to everyone who is reading this story. I hope you are all enjoying it :D Please let me know if there is anything that is confusing and I'll try my best to explain it. I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think :) xx

 

 

Once Harry had got his emotions under control, Gemma firmly gripping his hand between hers, they headed towards the kitchen. Deep down he knew it would all come out eventually; that he and Nick were having problems. What he wasn’t prepared for was Alex being so directly thrown into the mix. Especially when he was struggling as it was. What scared him most was what this would do to him. This morning he had seen the first traces of the son he knew; the sarcy but kind boy who despite his inner self doubt had been the best elder brother to every one of his siblings. People reading the paper didn’t know him and they didn’t know their family.

 

“Oh my God Dad I can’t believe you never played me that…”

 

Harry almost wanted to run back out again, to pretend he had never seen the article. That he could just enjoy being with the people he loved. All of them in one room together. Even if just for an hour. Sometimes he wished life would cut him some slack. That everything would just slow down. Auditioning for the X-factor, he never knew he was signing up for all of this. The constant scrutiny of his life. He had spent the major years of teens and twenties constantly photographed. A camera shoved in his face at every moment no matter how he was feeling. The moment he had broken up with Louis; there had been a photographer waiting outside his door, no idea what had just happened just wanting a photograph. He knew he was fortunate. At the end of the day he had earned more money than most ever would, able to put a roof over their heads and never worry about food shopping or heating bills. He had travelled the world before most people his age had even finished university. He had lived the one in a billion dream. But now, he wished he could give it all up. He would give up anything to get that photo off the front page.

 

“Auntie Gem- what are you doing here?”

 

Gemma loosened her grip on Harry’s hand after one final squeeze and headed towards her nephew arms outstretched.

 

“Thought I’d pop and see my handsome nephew. And my not so handsome younger brother. Don’t bother getting up.”

 

Gemma hugged Alex and Ed behind their shoulders before slipping into the spare chair, nicking a strawberry out of the bowl on the table. Harry couldn’t help but find the reddish tinge Ed’s face had turned amusing despite the situation. Ed had always had had a crush on Gemma; they even went on a few dates in the past he was sure. Not that they had ever told him directly; Ed probably in fear of Harry kicking him in the balls.

 

“Nick um.. can I have a word?”

 

Nick looked slightly stunned at Harry’s direct address to him, placing the cup of coffee he had just made Gemma down on table and rubbing his hands against his trousers. Even Ed looked slightly confused; Harry’s stance screaming out to him that something was definitely up.

 

“Sure. Umm yeah- living room?”

 

Harry nodded, sending Ed a smile that was meant to be reassuring although he was sure he had failed. Thankfully Alex didn’t seem to notice the slight tension, allowing Nick and Harry to slip out the room, as Gemma was busy distracting him in the best way she knew how. Embarrassment.

 

“Soo who’s banging who at school?”

 

* * *

 

 

“I couldn’t give two shits if you got a fucking knighthood for publishing that article- you are writing things about my son…”

 

Louis slammed his free hand against the wheel of the car, face-tinged red with anger. Maybe he should have phoned management to sort this out. But this was Alex.

 

“Are you ACTUALLY ASKING ME if the bloody thing is true….”

 

Mid shout Louis didn’t hear Niall knocking against the window.

 

“IM BEING IRRATIONAL?!”

 

It was only as Niall opened the door wincing at Louis’ yell as he hung up the phone, that Louis noticed his arrival.

 

“Yes that means NO FUCKING COMMENT.”

 

“Wow.. who pissed you off?”

 

Still unable to form a sentence with out yelling, Louis passed the newspaper that was on the seat behind over to Niall, before gripping his hands against the wheel and breathing deeply. There was a moment of silence as Niall read over the article.

 

“Shit man. I.. I don’t know what to say. I just came to see if you and Liam had got Zee a present for this evening. Do you know if H has seen this?”

 

Louis shook his head.

 

“I just saw it myself. I can’t believe management gave us no warning this was coming. “

 

“I’m so sorry mate. What are you going to do?”

 

Leaning his head against his hands resting on the steering wheel, Louis closed his eyes wishing for a moment the world would stop spinning.

 

“I don’t know… I really don’t know.”

 

* * *

 

 

 Nick wasn’t sure he prepared for a one on one with Harry. Especially with the frantic look that was in his eyes. They had been doing so well this morning, actually having been in the same room not arguing. He wasn’t quite ready for that façade to end.

 

“What is it Harry?”

 

Harry starting to paces only added further to Nick’s worry. He hadn’t seemed to have taken in what Nick was saying prompting Nick to reach forward, grabbing his arm to still the movement.

 

“Harry. What is it? You’re scaring me.”

 

He could see Harry was on the brink of loosing it. He knew the signs; he’d been there before. In fact it had been only just a week ago they’d been in the same position. Except this time Nick wasn’t about to run out the door.

 

“They found out.”

 

Relieved to at least get some words out of Harry, Nick was still confused. He had his suspicions; there were only a few things that could upset Harry so much. The press and his family.

 

“Found out what H?”

 

The nickname slipped out before Nick could realise. Harry’s eyes finally meeting his; the tears only heightening his worry. His voice wavered as he replied.

 

“The papers- they know.”

 

Nick felt his insides drop.

 

“They know about Alex. And us. Fuck Nick I….”

 

Without a second of doubt, Nick pulled Harry in towards him, holding his shaking body tight against his chest.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!!! :D I can not apologise enough for the delay in any form of update. Life has been hectic but I'm back in action now :) !!! Thank you so much to every single one of you who have stuck with this story - you are all incredible and I cant thank you enough. This first update is shorter than future updates will be I just wanted to put something out there to get the ball rolling :D I would love to know what you think so please drop me a comment! :D Also check out my friend Autumnleavesx story 'Teach me how to be loved' - it's awesome :) xxx

Nick didn’t think he would ever hear the words that were about to come out of his mouth. But having Harry so close to him, being able feeling the surging emotions running through his lanky frame, Nick knew he had stop playing round. It was time to realise that this was about more then him. He needed to grow up. His life wasn’t some of episode of the Kardshian’s that he could just turn off when he got bored of the drama. In his head he could already hear the radio stations reading off the news articles with humour- making jokes about ‘ wayward children.’ Just as he had done with stories in the press before. It made him feel sick to the stomach.

 

“Ring Louis.”

 

Harry pulled away, Nick sensing the shock in eyes despite them gleaming with tears.

 

“Nick…”

 

The next words were harder to say than the first.

 

“I’m serious Harry. You and Louis need to deal with this together. And I… I need to trust you.”

 

Harry reached tentatively forward with his hand to stroke down Nick’s face sensing the weight to what Nick was saying. This was more than the article. This was the future of their family. Right here; Right now. The wrong answer and it might as well all be over.

 

“Nick I promise you that it is all in the past. If there was anything I could do to show that to you…”

 

“I know I know…”

 

And deep down he did know. He always had known. It was the fear more than anything that had hit him. The fear Harry was finally going to walk out the door- fed up of him; finally seeing that he could do so much better. And the easiest thing to do was kick off. To fight back. To stop seeing what he was doing wrong as well.

 

“I believe you Harry.”

 

Harry knew how hard those words must have been to say for Nick. Harry had always worn his emotions on his sleeve but whilst Nick was loud and exuberant, he kept his feelings so wrapped up inside him. Bottling everything until he exploded. That’s why for Nick breaking his trust was the worst thing. He rarely let anyone past his bravado and no one as much as Harry.

 

 He dragged his hand down Nick’s cheek; slowly as if daring Nick to pull away. But he didn’t. If anything he pulled Harry that little bit closer. He leant his nose forward, each of them holding their breath as their skin touched. Nick wanted to lean in; to kiss everything away.  That’s what he always did – mask everything with physical affection.

 

“H…I…. not yet. I… I’m not ready yet. “

 

Harry pulled away, eyes still level with Nick for him to tell that he understood. This wasn’t just a ‘kiss and make up’ situation and right now Alex was far more important. Stroking Nick’s face one last time, Harry pulled away and motioned with his phone.

 

“I’m just going to phone..”

 

Nick nodded, trying to make his smile as unstrained as possible , not an easy task with amount of thoughts racing through his mind.

 

“Ill just be in the kitchen with the others- make sure Gem’s not scarring Alex too much.”

 

The smile Harry gave in return was weak but genuine, his eyes smiling as well; not the false dead smile Nick despised on all the magazines.

 

* * *

 

“You should ring him.”

 

Louis stared up at Niall , shaken from the daze he was in, fingers tracing the cracks on the table. Niall looked visibly concerned, the normal permanent fixed smile replaced by a tense grimace. He had thankfully stayed after he found Louis in the car; pulling him into the house before the paparazzi got more delight in photos of Louis crying in his car. He had sat him down and made him a cup of tea. The scariest thing was that Louis hadn’t said a word. A non-talking Louis was not a good sign.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You should ring Liam Lou. Or Harry. “

 

Louis shook his head.

 

“Not Liam.”

 

Niall tried to hide his shock; Louis and Liam were practically inseparable, especially after one of them came back from a trip. Especially after the stress Liam had been under whilst Louis was away. He really dint like this.

 

“Ok. Well at least you should ring Harry…”

 

His sentence was interrupted by the deep burr of Louis’ phone vibrating on the table. Louis’ eyes glanced across the screen, hitting the answer button before Niall could take in the name. The frantic look in Louis’ eyes was making him regret telling him to talk anyone. Especially Harry. If there was anything that ignited their tempers it was disagreements about Alex. Zayn didn’t need all that tension at his party this evening.

 

“Hello.”

 

Niall recognised the low, gruff tone on the other end of the phone immediately. Louis rubbed his hand over his eyes.

 

“Yes I have seen it.”

 

There was a long pause before Louis spoke again, his hands tracing the table cracks even more viciously than before, some of his fingers even going white with the pressure he was putting on them.

 

“How am I meant to know…”

 

Whatever Harry said next sparked Louis off; Niall taken aback by the volume of Louis’ voice.

 

“I’M NOT A FUCKING MIND READER HARRY… … YEAH WELL LIAM ISNT FUCKING HOME!”

 

Grabbing the phone from Louis before he could do anymore damage to the situation or in fact his phone, Niall was just in time to hear an equally loud and irate voice on the other end.

 

* * *

 

“WELL FUCK YOU LOUIS!”

 

The booming sound of Harry’s yell reverberated round the kitchen stunning them into silence. Gemma and Nick exchanged a nervous glance. Ed’s stomach sank. The last thing this situation needed was Louis and Harry loggerheads about something. He knew something was up the moment Nick came back in a few minutes ago looking slightly shaken. A rare occurrence for the normally unflappable Nick. Or that’s the impression he liked to give other people anyway. A resigned sigh escaped Alex’s lips as he stared down at the table, his words shaking slightly with emotion as he spoke.

 

“It’s just one thing after in this family. One fucking thing after another.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope all my lovely readers enjoy!! :D Let me know what you think and drop me a comment :) Check out some my other stories as well if you fancy. Enjoy! .x

The scraping of Alex’s chair against the granite floor aroused the rest of the room from the shock of Harry’s shout. Alex’s eyes were hazy, a storm brewing in the normal bright blues. His mouth was drawn into a frown; half weary and half angry. Even from his bitten tone, Nick could tell he was fighting back tears.

 

“Fuck sake.”

 

Nick spoke softly. Gemma tried to reach out to stroke Alex’s hand.

 

“Alex..”

 

Without even looking towards Nick, preoccupied by his feet, Alex started walking towards the door.

 

“I’m going upstairs.”

 

Nick wasn’t letting him walk away from this. They couldn’t keep walking away.

 

“No come on sit down Alex.”

 

Harry would be devastated if he came back into the kitchen to find Alex not there. Although, Nick was wondering what Louis has said to get Harry so angry, his protective instinct kicking in despite himself and the situation. Louis and he always had had a tumultuous relationship. Both too similar yet too different to ever get on. He didn’t need any more temptation to want to punch Louis.  He could tell Alex was shocked that he had dared rebuke him, his frown faltering at the edges. Nick was normally the walk over, letting Harry deal with anything that went wrong. Afraid that he would be shot with ‘You’re not my Dad’. He’d had that once now – nothing to stop him. Just as Nick had suspected though, his eyes were beginning to go red around the edges.

 

“Fuck it – I’m going ok.”

 

This time Nick spoke with more confidence. He was refusing to back away now. All Alex had ever know were adults giving up on each other. Backing away as it was the easiest solution to a problem they didn’t know how to or want to fix. First Louis and Harry and now him and Harry. He didn’t want Alex and the girls to grow up thinking that was ok. He didn’t want them to suffer the heartbreak he had not being able to face up to his own emotions.

 

“I mean it Alex. Please sit down. “

 

Alex went to interrupt; his frown transforming into a decidedly Louis-like snarl.

 

“Now Alexander. I’m serious- this family need to stop walking away from situations that are difficult. I know things suck at the moment- I’ve been a shit parent. I know that. And I wish for nothing else in the world but for you to grow up without all the pressure and without having parents who can’t get their shit together. But we’ve got to start trying Al. If we don’t …   “

 

Harry walked in at that very moment, eyes bloodshot and his face an off white. He looked slightly confused at the confrontation in front of him, the smile he had plastered on to his face wavering as he took in Nick’s shaking voice and Ed and Gem’s similarly reddening eyes.

 

“What’s…?”

 

Nick took a deep breath and walked over to Harry, clutching his hand between his, desperately trying to ignore the shakes he could feel through Harry’s skin. He didn’t look at Harry’s face, too afraid of seeing the confusion he was sure was there.

 

Ed took in the sight of Nick holding Harry’s hand and despite the shit that was obviously going on, he felt a small rush of relief. If Harry had lost Nick, he didn’t know how he would cope. Just seeing the look on Harry’s face now, the rush of warmth in his eyes, the pure look of love he gave Nick without even realising. It was enough tot make anyone want to fall in love. There was only one thing that could make Harry so upset and that was his family. And if Ed’s suspicions were right, it was to do with Alex. Especially as Gemma had come over as well. Things were about to get really serious and he was glad Harry wasn’t about to face it alone. Of course he was never alone. He had his family and he had Ed. But there was a limit on how much he would let them in. How much he would let them see him suffer. He knew with Nick there had never been a front. That’s why when things got bad, they got really bad. Ed knew Gemma was sharing his exact thoughts when he felt a nudge of his ankle with her foot. The tears that were filling his eyes were now for more than Nick’s emotional speech he had no doubt. The simple action had even stopped Alex in his tracks, his eyes glued to his parents hands.

 

“Let’s go on a walk. All of us together.”

 

Harry nodded along with Nick, locking eyes for a few seconds sensing Nick’s passion and determination behind his statement. He could still feel his hand tingling from Nick’s grip on his wrist, mind forgetting the conversation with Louis just from touch.

 

“Yeah yeah let’s.”

 

Sensing that Nick and Harry needed this moment together, knowing she would corner him later on the walk anyway, Gemma began to shepherd everyone out the room.

 

“I’ll go and get my coat on. Alex you said that you wanted to show those new boots you got the other day. “

 

Still in a state of shock, Alex nodded along, eyes still locked on the exchange between Nick and Harry. But he began to follow Gemma out the room. As he past Harry, Harry ripped his eyes away from Nick and wrapped an arm round Alex’s shoulder placing a kiss on top of his head.

 

“We’ll be with you in few minutes okay bud.”

 

After Ed had followed Alex and Gemma out the room, feigning equal interest in the said boots, Harry and Nick were left alone in the kitchen. Nick’s hand still clutching on to Harry’s.

 

“What happened?”

 

Harry took a few deep breaths before replying, stroking his fingers gently against the inside of Nick’s palm. He chose his words carefully knowing that the wrong phrasing could make this evening incredibly difficult. Poor Zayn; he didn’t know what he was getting himself into. He should have known when he had said Liam wasn’t here that he shouldn’t push it. Something was definitely wrong.

 

“Louis wasn’t in a good place.”

 

Harry sensed Nick bristling even through his hand.

 

“It shouldn’t matter what place he’s for fuck sake, he’s your son and you had news that effected….”

 

The protectiveness Nick had for him and Alex made Harry’s heart thud that bit faster.

 

“He already knew Nick…”

 

“Well than the bastard should have been phoning you.’

 

There was no uncertainty in Nick’s voice. Whilst Harry’s world had always been a blur of grey, Nick’s was unchangeably black and white in a way that Harry often got frustrated. But it was what he was drawn to. Someone to sort the mess in his head into a simple right or wrong answer. Yes it was ok to walk away from One Direction or No it was never too old to wear a leather jacket. Nick was obviously surprised when Harry pulled him closer, tucking his chin onto Nick’s shoulder.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Nick replied without pulling away.

 

“What for?”

 

Harry took a moment before replying. Unsure if he was pushing the situation too far.

 

“Just for being you.”

 

The two stood there for a moment just savouring the other’s touch. Afraid that when they moved reality would sink back in; the affairs; the children; the fights. The things dragging them away from being ‘NickandHarry’. For these few minutes they were safe. Harry was the first to pull away, his hand still attached to Nicks arm.

 

“What’s this grand walk scheme then?”

 

The smirk that appeared on Nick’s face was one he hadn’t seen in a while; a pre-call or delete smirk.

 

“If the paper’s want a show lets give’em one. Except lets make it our own. No one loves a family front like the Brits.”

 

Harry laughed- it was genius. Before today he would have said a family walk in public would have resulted more in a brawl in Primrose Hill than a recovery mission.

 

“I love this family.”

 

The weight in Harry’s words hit Nick like a punch to the heart. Don’t cry Nick…Don’t cry.

 

“Me too. Let’s get our family back. Although don’t think I don’t know those boots Alex is talking about are the ones I said no to.”

 

Harry had the decency to look the faintest bit guilty, although he replied with a playful twinkle in his eyes.

 

 “I was looking for allies.”

 

“Typical Styles. Looking for love with leather and Burberry. God knows who would fall for that?”

 

Laughing as he began to pull away from Nick, Harry sent him a quick wink.

 

“A certain Mr Grimshaw did if I remember correctly.”


	27. 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY SORRY AND SORRY AGAIN!!! I'm unbelievably sorry for the amount of time that has passed since I've updated. My life has been crazy the past couple of months and has completely changed but my passion for this story has not. Since I've started writing this One Direction has now changed forever but despite that my love for the boys has not changed and I still want to see this story through. I would love to know if you still want this story and where you would like it to go. I hope to add more photos to go alongside if that is something people would like. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you so much to everyone who has ever read or reviewed this story it means the world. ML xx

 

Harry couldn’t help but find his eyes drawn to Nick and Alex walking ahead. Alex now almost taller than Nick, long legs obvious even in Harry’s old brown coat that he had recently taken a liking too. Even now he found it hard to believe that Alex was actually his. Apart from the obvious similarity in appearance of course. Despite his perceived confidence when he was younger, his teenage years had been full of insecurities and awkwardness that Alex seemed to have bypassed. Perhaps that was a Louis thing. Maybe he was bias but it had been no surprise to him when Alex had said he had been scouted for modelling. Even watching now there was a confidence in his walk that Harry wished he were capable of. A natural almost swagger that was not abrasive but enviable. The sort of thing he used to try to imitate when he started out on the X-factor before realising he was too clumsy to pull it off. As Alex leaned back and laughed at something Nick had said, Harry could just picture his eyes crinkling behind the sunglasses just as Louis’ had years ago. Alex was all he had left of the past, he couldn’t … he wouldn’t let him suffer at the hands of what he had done.  Watching Nick laugh in return, the mid-afternoon sun slightly obscuring his face, Harry realised how much he had missed it. Missed seeing Nick happy.

As expected Primrose Hill was busy; Saturday afternoon prime time for tourists wanting a break from the Christmas shopping rush that had already begun; families having been round London Zoo and local couples with children meeting up; several with sunglasses recovering from an obviously heavy night before. This place had always been a favourite of theirs right from the beginning of their relationship in this park. Somewhere they could relax and not worry about being interrupted. They could always bet that there would be photos ; Harry with a pushchair; just the two of them together or joined by a cluster of Nick’s many friends; but they were never personally intruded. But some things they managed to keep just between the two of them: the first tentative kiss two months after Harry and Louis had broken up just a five minute walk from here overlooking London, the sun setting behind the buildings casting shadows obscuring anyone from recognising them. He never realised how much a park could mean to you until recently when he was here alone. It had been horrendous. Thankfully the girls hadn’t been with him. He would have never have wanted to them to see him breaking down on the very bench were he had proposed to Nick. Tears falling with no restraint as he realised what he was about to lose. No one stopped; for once he wasn’t ‘Harry Styles’- he was just Harry- the thirty some year old guy who was about to loose everything that meant anything.

 

Gemma’s elbow into his side broke him from his thoughts. He was surprised she had waited so long since they left the house to ask. Although her and Ed had been chatting back and forth both aware Harry needed some time to process, or hedging bets between the two of them of who was going to broach the subject.  But this was the last chance they had to speak before they actually entered Primrose Hill. As suspected it was looking busy even from a distance.

 

“I’m going to see what those two are laughing about.”

 

He watched as she skipped ahead lacing her arm round Alex’s shoulder.

 

“That’s a strapping lad you’ve got there Styles.”

The nice thing was that he knew Ed wasn’t even trying to prompt a response about what had happened earlier and Harry couldn’t help the smile that he gave in return.

“Yeah he is isn’t he. Will be even better after a few more of those breakfasts. Thanks for that mate. I mean it – thank you so much.”

Harry’s voice was laced with a level of sincerity Ed had never seen anyone but Harry manage.

“Honestly it’s no worries. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. In fact I’ll cook for him again this evening if you … well if you and Nick are going out?”

He had known about Zayn’s party for a while , heard Harry moan about it enough anyway – how everyone would be there in a couple and he would be alone.

“God don’t remind me about this evening.”

There was a pause before Harry replied.

“But yeah that would be amazing. I don’t want to let my eye of off him for a while. Not with..”

Harry took another deep breath before finishing his sentence.

“Not now that it is all out in the press.

Ed stopped in his tracks before he could calm his response.

“Fuck H….”

“Fuck indeed.”

“How? What?”

“It’s in the papers. ‘S why Gem came over. Why Louis’ all pissy on the phone.”

Harry’s voice caught in throat as he next spoke managing to keep the tears under control.

“I can’t lose them Ed. I can’t let this take them away .. I..”

Ed shook his head vehemently.

“I wont let it. You are not going to lose.. Nick loves you too much to let you go. Fuck he’s still here H.. I don’t know many people who after everything you two have been through would be even trying. And Alex.. he fucking worships the ground you walk on mate. If anyone so much as tries anything… I don’t care who they are.”

Harry stopped Ed before he became too irate, although it was comforting to hear someone so supportive.

“Thank you. It’s… well I’m used to them picking on me. With everything at the moment this is the last thing Alex needs.”

“He needs you H. Needs you AND Nick.”

x-x-x

The walk was going just as Nick had planned. Well apart from the fact that the gust of wind on top of Primrose Hill would ensure he look God awful in all the photos he had seen people not so subtly taking. Especially next to Harry and Alex. Bloody Styles’ and there photogenic gene pool.

He felt Harry’s hand brush subtly against his, the two of them having been walking next to each other for a good few minutes, the cool metal of the rings on Harry’s fingers sending shivers down Nick’s arm. After months of telling himself that he needed to start letting Harry go, he was back here again. Instinctively he gripped back.

“We need to talk properly at some point H.”

Harry didn’t look back as replied, just stroking his fingers along the inside of Nick’s palm.

“Not now.. we..”

He paused as another family walked past, greeting them with the infamous Styles smile as they gave him the ‘oh shit it’s Harry Styles look.’ that always made Nick laugh.

“Let’s get this evening out of the way first. I don’t want to fight anymore Grim..”

Nick’s breath caught in his throat at Harry’s use of a nickname he hadn’t heard in over a year. Harry’s voice was so quiet when he next spoke he almost didn’t hear it.

“I’ve got no fight left.”

Before he knew what he was doing, Nick leaned down and captured Harry’s lips between his. There was a brief moment before Harry responded, his body still with shock as Nick panicked he had done the complete wrong thing, before his hand was snaking up towards Nick’s face. The other hand finding it’s familiar home in the crook of Nick’s back; his long fingers fitting perfectly.

Maybe it was because it had been so long since they had last kissed, they let it carry on far longer than they normally would in public. Enjoying the rush of familiarity and suppressed emotion. They only pulled apart upon Alex’s cat calls.

“Oi .. you are scaring my eyes!”

Nick playfully stuck a middle finger up in return as he grinned widely at Alex. Despite the complaint about the kiss he couldn’t help but notice Alex’s equally wide smile. Harry leaned into Nick’s chest and laughed at Alex trying to hide his smile with a look of disgust. As he looked over Alex’s shoulder and spotted the not so subtle camera phones pointed towards them, his eyes caught with Gemma’s. Eyes that were glazing over with tears. He sent her a quick wink, trying to stop his matching. They were going to get through this. This was his family and they were getting back to normal. Well their ‘normal’ anyway.

x-x-x

“Fucking Harry .. he always has to be fucking right doesn’t he… fucing thinks he’s superior to everyone doesn’t he …”

Niall grabbed on to Louis’ arm stopping him reaching for his phone and throwing at someone or something. Not only would Liam be annoyed, especially with Louis having only recently broken his fifth replacement, but with young children around they could afford to have glass lying around on the floor. Sometime he wondered how Louis had managed to have 5 kids. Well.. keep them alive.

“Louis breath! What has happened Lou? What did Harry say?”

The sound of the front door opening went unnoticed past Louis’ continued rampage.

“Fucking Harry fucking Styles…”

“I think you have fucked Harry enough don’t you…”

The silence that followed made Niall’s skin crawl. The thought of what Liam had said; Louis’ reluctance to have Liam here earlier; the anger towards Harry… Niall didn’t want to be here for this fight.

“Where are the kids?”

Niall had never heard Louis’ voice that unsure before. Not in a long time anyway- not since they’d lost the baby anyway. What was worse was Liam’s voice as he replied. Cool and distant – a far cry from the normal deep homely Wolverhampton twang.

“They are staying with some friends for this afternoon. I didn’t want them coming back here.”

The silent ‘to you’ didn’t go unheard to Louis. The anger left over from his previous phone call with Harry must have been what drove his next statement , instead of nodding in agreement like every sensible part of his brain was screaming at him to do.

“Who? You could have asked me I would have picked them up if you had things to do.”

Liam incredulously over at him, eyes widening slightly in disbelief.

“Really Louis, you want to get into this right now.”

Even through the grip of his hand on Louis’ arm Niall could feel the gentle tremors running through Louis. He’d never head Liam sound so brutal- so un Liamish.

“Um Li… the papers found out about Alex.”

Liam’s glare was suddenly drawn to Niall, as if he’d only just realised Niall was in the room. This time when he spoke there was an undeniable hint of worry.

“Found out what?”

Niall reached for the paper that was on the table, deciding he definitely did not want to be the one explaining this especially in the mood Liam was in.  Liam took the paper but didn’t look straight away instead fixing his eyes back to Louis. Just seeing Louis made him feel sick. The wave of nausea that had spread through him all morning rising back into his stomach. Seeing him standing there looking upset and nervous and just saying Harry’s name made his insides burn.

“Found out what about Alex Louis?”

Even Louis’ name burned on his tongue but the dread he could feel rising through him was overtaking the anger.

“Read the article Li… it’s hard to explain.”

“Yeah explaining has not really been your forte recently has it.”

Despite his complaint Liam looked down to read the article, his face whitening with each passing second, voice noticeably shaky when he replied sinking slowly into the kitchen chair.

“Oh Alex…”

 

Xxxxx

 

 

They were all in the living room when the photos broke; fire on and the tv playing a repeat of Harry Potter. Harry had had his phone on news update alerts all afternoon and the buzz of his phone In his back pocket jogged him from his cozy haze; his hand gently running through Alex’s curls as he leant against Harry, the non-optional bowl of popcorn locked between his knees. Careful as not to disturb him , Harry slid his hand down to collect his phone, greeted not only by the Daily Mail update notification but by a text from his Mum. It seemed he wasn’t the only one following the news headlines seeing as the text had come in 30 seconds after the article had been published. He wondered if she would have shown the girls. Just thinking about then made him miss them. Leaving them there with her had been so hard. Driving away not knowing what he was going to bring them home to when he returned.

**From Anne:**

**_You always did make a handsome couple. Stay strong my darling- follow your heart. The girls can’t wait to see you. All my love Mum xx P.S Gryles forever ;)_ **

 As he looked up from his phone , he caught eyes with Nick who was also glancing down at his mobile. Looking back down, Harry clicked on the article.

‘ ** _Harry and Nick seen on family walk together for the first time in months, after numerous reports of their separation, just hours after news breaks on Alex – Tomlinson Styles’ party lifestyle. Is this all just a front?’_**

The pictures attached were of a decent quality to say most of them were just phone shots. It was weird seeing them together in a photo. Weird seeing himself look so genuinely happy. That sounded awful even to him but he had become so used to seeing himself in pictures with the same fake show smile or a tense frown in the back of a car leaving the studio that he had forgotten what it looked like. The third photo down was his favourite. It was taken after they had kissed, Harry leaning into Nicks chest. But the angle the photo had been taken from meant that Alex had been caught in the background; his genuine illuminating smile matching that on Harry’s face. Just for a moment it was enough to make everything else go away. Maybe his Mum wouldn’t be the only one printing photos off from the Daily Mail. The moment was ruined as he scrolled onto the next photo in the article, his eyes met by the sight of a picture of Alex from the before, eyes glazed and stoned a far cry from the boy lying next to him.

“This is Noah’s favourite bit.”

Harry was drawn from the article and his thoughts by Alex’s gentle voice.

“What was that Al?”

“This bit in the film. It’s Noah’s favourite- always acts out the wand movements like he’s an actual wizard.”

“What’s the betting you’ve been teaching him ey Alex- you always were a Harry potter nerd.”

Alex through popcorn over at Ed lying on the floor, who persisted in eating the offending pieces

“Hey don’t waste good popcorn. “

As Alex and Ed squabbled over popcorn, Harry’s grip tightened slightly on Alex’s arm as he continued to scroll through photos of Alex that seemed a million miles away from the boy he loved.

It was a good five minutes before Liam spoke again and his body was shaking with nerves. He may have gotten older but Louis still struggled with keeping himself still, especially when he was on edge. Normally Liam’s comforting hand would be there straight away gripping on as Louis’ body wanted to take off. But Liam hadn’t even looked up at him yet. Although as if he could sense Louis’ thoughts , Liam chose that moment to speak again.

 

xxx

 

“Does he know?”

 

Not thinking straight, mind panicking about Liam, Louis answered with out even thinking.

 

“No Niall… Liam I haven’t told him.”

 

“Fuck sake Louis. It may be an odd concept to you but I’m actually more concerned with Alex – you know your son?! Not you and your fucking penis.”

 

“I’m going to go…”

 

“What are you trying to say Liam?! That I’m not a good dad?”

 

If Niall didn’t interrupt now this was going to turn into a punch up. If Liam was pulling out the blows that he knew would hit Louis the hardest he had to be really hurt.

 

“Guys! I don’t know what the fuck is going on but right now Alex is the most important thing. And we’ve got Zayn’s thing tonight- him and Perrie don’t want you there like this we’ve got enough other shit going on.”

 

Niall thought he was going to go unheard for a few seconds as a heated stare out occurred between Louis and Liam before Louis broke.

 

“Alex doesn’t know.. I don’t think.”

 

Liam nodded slowly fingering the article tentatively between his fingers.

 

“Niall do you mind if you leave me and Louis to talk alone.”

 

He was torn – they definitely needed some alone time but right now he wasn’t sure they wouldn’t just tear a limb off of each other. But despite how much he cared about them both, he’d learnt over the years he couldn’t fix everything. Sometimes you just had to let things happen.

 

“Sure. I’ll see you at seven?”

 

Louis turned to Niall with a fake smile that was decidedly more like a grimace.

 

“Of course mate.”

 

Niall had never left Louis and Liam’s house feeling so nervous. Well apart from the time when Liam had lost the .. but that was a long time ago.

 

It wasn’t until the sound of the front door shutting echoed through the kitchen that Liam spoke again.

 

“What are we going to do about Alex?”

 

Louis noticed immediately that Liam was avoiding looking him in the eye and his heart ached that little bit more.

 

“Um.. I think maybe talking to Harry this evening or tomorrow if that’s ok?”

 

Liam nodded. Even Harry’s name made him feel sick to the stomach but for Alex.. For Alex he would do whatever he had to. Anything to stop those photos. He had seen Alex in that outfit- off to a sleepover at Freddie’s or so he had been told. But he had been too bloody stupid to check. This was his fault. Now everything was coming back to bite him in the ass. Louis , Alex…. Harry. Harry had looked him in the eye for years knowing what he had done. Knowing he’d….. The bile rose in his throat.

 

“This evening …”

 

Liam couldn’t look at Louis as he spoke, knowing that if he did he’d crumble.

 

“I don’t want you to come back. I .. I don’t want you in this house.”

 

 

 

Xxxxx

 

So what’s the plan for this evening?”

 

Nick looked across the to Harry , not able to stop himself admiring the curve of Harry’s thighs in the jeans he was wearing, before looking up to meet his worried eyes across the steering wheel.

 

“I think we go with it. The last thing Zayn and Perrie want is a shouting match. Do the others know?”

 

Harry shrugged.

 

“I’m not sure.. I’m mean Liam does but I don’t know about Ni and Zayn.”

 

As they pulled into the car pack of the restaurant, Nick reached across and grabbed Harry’s hand.

 

“Don’t worry. What ever happens this evening – I’m .. I’m not going to walk away. “

 

Harry squeezed his hand and reached across gently kissing Nick.

 

“And may I say you look gorgeous tonight Mr Styles.”

 

The flush that crossed Harry’s cheeks was one he hadn’t seen in a long time.

 

“And so do you Mr Grimshaw.”

 

Walking away from the car, Harry grabbed Nick’s hand. It was nice, no paparazzi in sight, just the two of them together; no pressure or requirements. A moment of calm in the eye of the storm before they walked into the lion’s den.

 

 

…..

 

Harry wasn’t sure if he had wanted to get there before or after Louis arrived but when he walked into the room to see only Zayn, Perrie and Niall , he was relieved. Although he couldn’t help but notice the shock badly hidden in Niall’s eyes when he saw who was behind Harry and where Harry’s hand was. Perrie seemingly unfazed leapt forward to embrace them both in a hug.

 

“H and Nick! It’s so nice to see you both. Thanks so much for coming.“

 

Zayn had really done him self lucky with Perrie. She had stick by him through soma absolute shit and still remained so warm and unassuming.

 

“You too Pez, you look gorgeous tonight.”

 

She flushed a little, still after all these years not immune to the Styles charm. Catching Niall’s eye over the top of Perrie’s head Harry could tell he was a little less pleased to see Nick with Harry especially as he seemed to have noticed where Harry’s hand was. Maybe he should have warned Nick that he may be getting a rather frost reception from some of the boys. The boys that had no idea about what had happened between Louis and Harry to cause Nick to finally leave. Hopefully Niall would have the good graces not to bring it up.  Although fantastically blunt, Niall normally knew when to not say something.

 

As Perrie drew away there was a brief moment of fairly awkward silence, Nick feeling ever more uncomfortable with the intense stare down he was getting from Zayn and Niall. Maybe he should have stayed at home. So he didn’t have to deal with this or the thought of seeing Louis. He had interviewed some of the most famous people in the world yet no one was as intimidating as a One Direction show down. Sensing Harry’s nerves through his trembling fingers that were still clutching on to Nick’s hand, Nick launched into conversation. He was paid to chat for a living- this was something he could do.

 

“Congrats guys. Played the new song you wrote on the radio yesterday – sounded sick. Really good response.”

 

Smile Grimshaw. God he hated how his voice sounded in the empty room.

 

For a moment Nick thought neither Niall or Zayn was going to respond but in a flash Niall’s normal smile was beaming back at him although it didn’t quite reach his eyes which kept darting between their hands and Harry. But who gave a shit, it was better than nothing. And Zayn actually looked happy that Nick had complimented his song. So Nick thought it was alright but he was allowed a few white lies at a time like this.

 

“Umm.. thanks mate. Can’t quite believe Pez has stuck by me. Shall we go and sit – it’s just Louis and Liam to come. “

 

Harry released Nick’s hand for the first time since they has entered the room.

 

“Sounds good to me. Nick you go ahead with Zayn – I just need to talk to Niall a second about the song we were working on.”

 

Nick levelled Harry with a look. He still -contrary to recent events- couldn’t lie for shit.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy to be back writing this story and that people are enjoying it - all your lovely comments mean the world to me and are really encouraging. I hope you enjoy this chapter ( lot's of Lilo in store :D ) and please leave me a comment letting me know what you think. Would also love if you have any suggestions or questions just let me know :D Also if anyone has any pictures they want to send that they think are relevant to the story I would be so grateful. My tumblr is http://hllnz1dfanfic.tumblr.com/ :) I hope you enjoy this new chapter :D xxxx M.L xxxxx

 

Louis dragged his mind back to the present and nodded slowly , not knowing what to say or if he would be able to speak with out crying or shouting, before walking over towards his side of the wardrobe. The silence in the room was awful, Louis’ bag noticeable to both of them even with their backs turned. Louis’ heart hurt even more when he noticed that Liam had had his favourite suit dry cleaned especially for this evening knowing that Louis wouldn’t have time with coming back from the X-factor judges houses. They were a perfect team.

 

“Thank you … for the suit.”

 

Liam nodded only sharing eye contact for a brief second before turning his attention back to the mirror where he was sorting out his tie. Normally Louis would help him, getting the knot straight that even after all these years Liam still hadn’t mastered.

 

He got changed as quickly as he could. Not oblivious to Liam’s eyes from the mirror checking over his body.

 

“You need to start eating properly when you go away. You’ve got thinner again … Unless you’ve started doing ….”

 

Louis’ reply was the most certain he’d sounded all day.

 

“No. I haven’t Liam. I would never… NEVER…. Do that again. Not to this family.”

 

“Well I thought you would never hurt this family before but….”

 

He had that coming. It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt just as Liam had intended it to.  Louis’s shoulders slumped and Liam looked slightly guilty. Deep down he knew that Louis would never do drugs again. Knew how much Louis regretted how it had affected the band; his relationship; his family.

 

“I’m going to take the bag to the car.”

 

There was a moment where it looked like Liam was going to stop him. But the moment passed and Liam merely nodded.

 

“I’ll go check over the kids one last time.”

 

Checking himself in the mirror one last time, ignoring the dead look that had filled his eyes, Louis picked up his bag and walked out of the room; unaware of Liam slumping against the dresser hand covering his eyes as they filled with tears.

This wasn’t meant to be happening like this. Louis was meant to come back from his trip and everything would go back to normal. Like tomorrow would be date night for the two of them and Louis or Liam’s sister would have looked after the kids as they spent the night in a hotel. The would be laughing about the x factor hopefuls and how long ago it was that they had been on the show. Liam’s heart wouldn’t be breaking and he wouldn’t feel so angry about being lied to. How Louis had lied to his face for years about one of the darkest times of their lives. If he had been honest about it at the time he may have understood. If that person hadn’t been Harry. They had all done things in the past they regretted and after losing the baby Liam had been a different person. But he slept with Harry … and not just the once by the sounds of it. The thought made Liam feel sick. The worst thing was that a part of him felt guilty. Guilty for not being enough for Louis. Had he driven Louis to Harry?  Harry who had never miscarried. Harry would always be Louis’ Harry.  Swallowing down the sobs he felt about to rip through him, Liam pulled himself together. He wouldn’t let Harry see him break this evening – he wasn’t ready for that. They’d all seen each other at the best and their worst ; they had got through Zayn leaving and even recovered after Harry and Louis’ break up. Or he thought. Liam could have just brushed it off- would have done when he was younger- said the past was the past. But he had a family to protect now and Leo had been alive when this had happened. Louis hadn’t just risked their relationship but had but had disregarded the life of his son. And that was something Liam couldn’t forgive.

 

 

Xxxx

 

“Where are you staying?”

 

He had been stopping himself asking but despite being distraught he couldn’t bear the thought of Louis being alone. Most people would be all too happy to imagine their cheating partner on the street but that wasn’t Liam And Louis would be too proud to go over to one of their close friends ; especially as most of their best friends were shared. Going to a friend’s house would mean telling them something had happened. Or driving to Doncaster and in the state Louis was in Liam wasn’t going to let that happen.

 

Louis looked shocked that Liam had spoken to him and Liam looked away quickly before he caught Louis’ eye.

 

“Umm .. I booked into a hotel… Under a different name of course.”

 

Liam’s only response was to nod slowly before reaching into his back pocket and grabbing his wallet that he threw over to Louis.

 

“Umm Liam why ..? I don’t understand? “

 

Taking a deep breath before replying , Liam let his eyes linger on the compass tattoo before looking back to the road.

 

“Take the joint card.”

 

Louis was shook his head.

 

“I can’t do that. Liam I have my own…”

 

 

“You might as well keep taking from us both. You haven’t seemed to have a problem with using me before…”

 

It was a low blow and Liam couldn’t believe he’d said it.

 

“Louis I’m so so..”

 

He couldn’t bring himself to look over ; look and see the reddening eyes and fist tightly curled around the wallet as Lois wiled himself not to yell or cry. Truth be told if Louis used the joint card Liam could see where he was – whether that be for his safety and selfishly to see if he was with Harry.

 

“No … No I deserved that. I’m going to show you that you can trust me Liam. I am.

 

It was only as they reached the car park of the restaurant for the anniversary that Liam replied. Speaking after he killed the engine and Louis was fiddling with his seat belt.

 

“I hope so Louis. Just not today- I … need some time.”

 

Louis’ hands stilled on the seat belt- grateful that Liam was at least speaking to him.

 

“How much time?”

 

Undoing his own seat belt , Liam frowned slowly at the floor before replying.

 

“I don’t know.. I just.. Let’s just get through this evening first.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for everyone who has stuck by this story and is continuing to read and leave me such lovely comments :D xxx ML

"Why's Nick here?"

 

Harry vaguely appreciated Niall's bluntness- glad he hadn't just skirted around the topic or stood in silence and waited for Harry to speak. In some way he guessed it would be Niall who asked having been the one who Harry had mostly confided in. Louis and Liam a no go area and Zayn always having been closer to Louis than Harry anyhow. It didn't mean the question was any easier to answer. Especially when he hadn't sorted things out in his own head yet. All he knew was he couldn't face this all alone. Maybe that was most cowardly thing he had done, to be afraid to raise his family by himself just as his mum had done, but for some reason it felt better with Nick there.

 

"We're trying ..." 

 

“When I saw you the other day you said it was over.”

 

“Thing’s aren’t that simple Niall. We have a family we… I can’t just give up all of that.”

 

There was no judgement in Niall's face as he nodded; not the probing he would get if this conversation had been with Louis or Liam. Although the likelihood of him even having this conversation with Louis would be incredibly minimal. Afraid of admitting to Louis that part of the reason he had left had failed. Instead Niall had a slight look of confusion and concern that bemused Harry. 

 

"I went over to Liam and Louis' earlier..."

 

Before Niall had a chance to finish his sentence, the front door of the restaurant swung open. 

 

 

\-------

 

He thought he had been prepared for seeing him. That his years’ of controlling emotion for interviews would allow him to retain some self control when he saw Harry. Instead his insides burned, the tears that he thought had finished were beginning to pool in his eyes. Louis stilled next to him, Liam sensing his anxiety despite being at least a metre apart. Niall's face paled slightly when he took in the unusual distance between them - had he told Harry about the argument he had witnessed between them? Is that why he was here with Harry alone? That being said he hadn’t thought that Harry was going to be coming with Nick anyway. Whilst Liam may be able to bite his tongue, Nick most certainly wouldn’t. He had wondered why Nick had avoided Louis after he and Harry had been separated. Previously he had thought it was because Nick would think Louis would be biased towards Harry. He swallowed a bitter laugh – if only he knew then that he was avoiding them because the problem was Louis.

 

"Louis .. Liam Nice to see you both!"

 

Niall's forcibly cheerful greeting did nothing to calm the palpable tension in the air. There was a moment in which no one spoke – each one of them unsure of who was going to continue with the charade of everything being ok. 

 

"Awful traffic getting here wasn't it?"

 

Of course it would be Harry. Always the one who was capable of charming his way through a situation - or his way into Louis’ pants. Despite everything going on with Nick and Alex and the tired bags under his eyes reminiscent of those after the On the Road Again Tour, he looked perfectly put together. Unlike Liam who felt like utter crap

 

"Umm yeah - yeah it was pretty bad."

 

"Didn't seem worse than normal to me."

 

Ok the traffic had been crap but they could have been stuck in queues for two hours and he would have told Harry it had been 'just dandy'. And the way he had spoken could give Alex a run for his money in sullenness.

 

Harry was confused - as far as he knew Liam only was aware of the troubles with Alex.  But the looks Liam was sending him would akin him to that of a first-degree murderer. Although he was certain to see that look mirrored in Nick's eyes tonight when he looked at Louis.  

 

"Umm ... Zayn and Perrie are in the other room with..."

 

"Perfect. 

 

Liam interrupted before Harry could even finish, walking towards the other door, leaving Louis alone with Niall and Harry.

 

"Harry um I told.. "

  


Niall sent Louis a look of warning; something telling him that now was not the time. Knowing Nick was waiting for them in the other room; telling Harry that Liam's problem was actually something to do with him would not bode for a nice evening. Although experience should tell him it would all come out anyway. Perhaps this time they would be able to keep it together. And Liam and Nick could just stick to being passive aggressive.

  


“Um is Alex ok? “

 

“He doesn’t know yet. Ed’s looking after him this evening.”

 

Louis nodded.

 

“I think we should tell him together. With how he is at the moment I’m not sure how he would react. He doesn’t know if he’s coming or going at hom..”

 

Niall inwardly cursed; bad move Louis.

 

“What are you trying to say that all of THIS is my fault?!”

 

It was rare to see Harry looking angry but the rising pink of cheeks meant they were about two minutes away from a Harry melt down. Niall stepped in before either them decided that now was the time for a blazing row.

 

“”GUYS! We are here to celebrate Z and P. This is not the time. “

 

Both Harry and Louis had the decency to look at least a bit guilty although the fire in Harry’s eyes told them they were only a wrong word away from an explosion. Niall wasn’t going to deal with this by himself.

 

“Let’s go and join the other’s.”

 

 

Louis was surprised to find Liam still in the hall, leaning against the wall a worried expression on his face as looked down at his phone; only looking up when he heard their footsteps.

 

“Leo called…”

 

“He alright?”

 

Louis’ heart was in his throat until Liam nodded.

 

“Wanted to know if he could have some friends over to have Dominos and a sleepover.”

 

Louis already knew Liam had said yes despite being insistent lately that they had family Sundays and less takeaways. Some healthy living kick he had been on lately after talking to Harry. But if Leo had friends over he would be distracted from noticing Louis’ absence. Louis knew that Liam would be worrying about something bad happening. Still feeling guilty for what had happened to Alex.

 

“As long as it’s not too many…”

 

“Louis I know how to raise my children!”

 

Harry and Niall stood awkwardly in the background; the use of pronoun not going unnoticed to either. Louis visibly deflated before looking at the floor and nodding. Something was definitely wrong- Harry knew Louis. Sometimes better than anyone else and this was not him. The Louis he knew would have fought back.

 

“I know I know.. sorry. Let’s go on join the others yeah?”

 

Instead of replying Liam just walked forward towards the private room Zayn had booked at the back of the restaurant. Sensing the question coming, Louis shot Harry a steady glare before following behind.

 

“Don’t even ask.”

 

\-------

 

In the middle of Nick’s story about pranking Fincham, Perrie already chuckling as Zayn poured them all a glass of wine, the door opened. He knew he shouldn’t be drinking, that Harry would be disappointed when he saw the glass in Nick’s hand. But he should understand that he would need it seeing Louis this evening. Nick turned his head to the door ready to apologise expecting it to be Niall and Harry. His stomach dropped when he was instead greeted by Liam’s face. Liam who looked equally shocked to see Nick there. Before Nick had chance to regain his thought’s a few seconds later Liam was joined by Louis, Harry and Niall. Nick took a larger gulp of wine, downing almost the whole glass, as his eyes narrowed on to Louis before raising his glass towards him.

 

“Tomlinson…. What a pleasure it is to see you.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of madness ... haha :D I hope you enjoy this chapter - all your reviews and comments are so lovely to read :D I hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think :) ML xx

Harry sent him a look of warning from behind Louis next to an equally shocked looking Liam, but he couldn’t help but be amused by the almost horror filled expression filling Louis’ face. He was surprised Liam wasn’t right next to Louis. Normally when either of them came back from a trip they couldn’t keep themselves apart from each other. Louis managed to recover; although his retort didn’t have quite the same heat as normal. Good Nick thought- he was feeling guilty.

 

“Such a pleasure as always Grimshaw. I see you are back on the wine already- pining for me?”

 

Although every part of him wished he could say something back, the pleading look on Harry’s face was enough to make him bite his tongue.

 

“Looking tanned Lou- how was the competition?”

 

Harry was glad Perrie had seen sense to interrupt what was rapidly becoming an incredibly awkward conversation.

 

“Aww thanks P. Yeah was nice and hot – Simon chose Barbados for judges houses. Contestants better than last year chose the right acts I think.”

 

Harry took the moment to slip towards the seat next to Nick. Partly to stop Louis purposefully sitting there and winding Nick up but also to control the amount of wine that made it into the glass. Nick was very aware of how Harry felt about excess drinking but with Louis there, Harry knew he was on edge. It was easier not to think about your husband shagging his ex when you were half way through a bottle of Pinot. He reached and squeezed Nick’s thigh, running his hand gently along Nick’s hand that was gripping tensely onto his leg.

 

“ Sleep with any of them?”

 

The whole room froze at Nick’s comment; Nick himself looking a little surprised at what he said.

 

“Nick!”

 

Nick couldn’t bring himself to look at Harry; knowing the look of anger and disappointment that would be there. He knew he deserved them- knew the comment was inappropriate. But it was so hard seeing Louis there pretending everything was ok.  Instead he focused his gaze directly onto Liam, who interestingly instead of being offended looked intrigued as to Louis’ reply, and to Louis who was shooting him a look death.

 

“ No of course not. Don’t be stupid Nick.”

 

Shrugging but not breaking eye contact, Nick went to reply but was stopped by Liam beating him to it.

 

“Not a stupid question really is it though.”

 

Harry’s insides sunk. Liam’s glares in his direction; the distance between them; Niall telling him about going to Louis’ house. Liam walking towards the seat on the table furthest from Harry. It was all adding up. Harry reached for the bottle of wine Nick was about to top up his glass with and poured it into his own before taking a large gulp. Letting the strong liquid take over the anger and dread that was overtaking him.

 

“SOO Zayn where’s the menu?”

 

 

 

“So what do you fancy watching? Like I know you are supposed to have homework or grounded or whatever but…”

 

Ed walked into the living room armed with two mugs of tea. It wasn’t until he was halfway over to the sofa he realised what Alex was watching. It was weird seeing 17-year-old Alex watch an 18-year-old Harry- the Take Me Home tour a life time ago now.  Harry looking so … so Alex like.

 

“Aw I remember this concert – was sat three rows back on the left hand side. You’ve seen this before surely?”

 

Ed was surprised when Alex shook his head, a strange look in his eyes as he returned his focus to the boys singing Little Things on stage.

 

“No Dad always said it was too embarrassing for him. You wrote this song didn’t you?”

 

“Yeah yeah. Funnily enough wrote about your two Dads’. Not that anyone knows that.”

 

Alex’s eyebrow’s furrowed as he watched Louis throw an arm around Harry’s shoulder at the end of the song.

 

“It’s a really good song- my favourite One Direction song. Don’t tell Dad. I’d love to be able to write a song like that. “

 

Laughing as he took a gulp of tea, Ed sat on the seat next to Alex handing him the other cup.

 

“Don’t worry your secret is safe with me. And I would be honoured to sit and write with you. I didn’t know you were interested in song writing.”

 

Alex shrugged, playing with the rings on his fingers; some of which were definitely Harry had me downs.

 

“ I’ve just tried a bit. I didn’t want to tell Harry or Louis. They’d just make it something else to argue over.”

 

It broke Ed’s heart to hear Alex talk like that. He knew it would break Harry’s as well. The sad thing was Alex was probably right.

 

“ Alex I’m…”

 

Alex interrupted before he could continue.

 

“It’s strange. I…”

 

Alex paused, running his right hand gently over his left, as he watched Louis singing to Harry, his hand low on the small of Harry’s back. As far as Ed could remember it wasn’t long after this Alex had been conceived. When he next spoke his voice sounded far younger than his 17 years – timid unlike the confident teenager he had become.

 

“Did they ever love each other?”

 

“Who do you mean?”

 

“My Dad’s .. . where they ever in love? Or …”

 

The genuine doubt in Alex’s voice made Ed sad that he had never been there. Seen the ‘Harry and Louis’ who were inseparable. Who loved each other more than anything else in the world. Loved each other too much.

 

“More than anything. You’ve seen the tattoos haven’t you? They were obsessed with each other.”

 

“Then what happened .. I just .. “

 

God how had he been landed with this conversation? Surely this was one for Harry or Louis. How were you meant to the relay the complete heartbreak that Harry and Louis had been through? To leave when they were both still in love with each other. For the thing you love the most to be the worst thing for you.

 

“ It probably sounds strange to you right now. But one day you’ll understand. Sometimes being in love isn’t enough. We all make decisions we live to regret and some of those decisions….”

 

The shouts. Slammed doors. Louis’ blown pupils. Harry’s tear stained face at his front door with Alex in his arms a bruise on his right arm. Ed could remember it all.

 

“Sometimes they make you realise that you can’t fight for it anymore.”

 

Ed reached his arms out towards Alex surprised when he launched himself into his chest.

 

“They love you – you know. Both of them. You mean more than the world to all four of them.”

 

Rubbing his hand up and down Alex’s spine prominent through his thin t-shirt, Ed was reminded how fragile he was. No 17 year old should ever have to cope with all of this.

 

“Hey I’m going to grab the takeaway menu’s.”

 

He stopped Alex replying; sensing the tension that rose rapidly in his shoulders at the mention of food.

 

“No but’s. And after that I’ll grab my guitar. No takeaway no guitar.”

 

Alex nodded slowly.

 

“I’d like that. The menus are in the kitchen- next to the wine rack.”

 

“Fab I’ll go and grab them. You stay here watching this. It’s a travesty you’ve never seen it.”

 

Ed untangled himself from Alex, running his hand through his hair one last time before leaving him.

 

 

 

It couldn’t have been longer than five minutes before he came back to the living room- spending the time perusing the takeaway menu’s Alex was more likely to say yes to and grabbing his guitar from the basement music room. But as he pushed the door back open he found the room empty. His stomach dropped as he took in what was on the screen.

 

The photos. E! news echoing through the room. Shit he should have checked what channel the film was on. He just had presumed it had been a DVD. Fuck fuck. Trying to stay calm he placed the guitar and menus down and returned to the hallway, calling Alex’s name. Perhaps he hadn’t seen it. Perhaps he had gone to the bathroom or his bedroom. No reply. As he looked down the hallway he noticed the front door ajar – Alex’s coat missing from the peg next door.

 

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about another cliff hanger - I promise I wont leave you hanging to long haha :) Let me know what you think :D xxx


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOO AN UPDATE :D i hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think :D xxx

Determined not to let the tears fall, Alex buried his face into the collar of his coat protecting his face as well from the car that was coming down the street. He kept checking over his shoulder sure that any minute Ed would come running after him but he had managed to get away fast enough; practically leaving as soon as he had a moment to take in what was happening.

 

That’s what it had all been about – the walk; the sudden affection. It was all just a show for the press. Because he had fucked up. And now the whole world knew. Was judging him like they knew everything about him. Maybe they did. Maybe they knew him better than he knew himself. If the world thought he was a drunken mess of a child it was only his duty to prove them right surely.  He didn’t have his phone or his wallet but that didn’t matter – he was Alex Tomlinson Styles he told himself. Bringing his face out from his collar, he fixed a smirk on to his face knowing exactly were he was going. If they wanted a show - he was going to give them one. With each hurried step away from the house he pushed the voice inside him to stop and turn around further and further down inside.

 

 

Using the menu as a shield, Nick patted Harry’s arm gently with one finger. He wasn’t surprised when he was ignored, Harry looking pointedly at the menu even though Nick knew already what was Harry was getting. Had known as soon as he saw the menu choices. He never thought he would get to be in that kind of relationship. Where excitement came from knowing each other – being comfortable.  He tapped again , this time a little firmer, knowing Harry couldn’t stand tapping. Their youngest daughter India had decided last year that it was the way to get Harry’s attention much to his dismay and Nick’s amusement.

 

This time Harry awarded him a glance, still looking annoyed at Nick for his comment, although slightly less heatedly than earlier.

 

“Sorry”

 

Nick mouthed at Harry and felt a sense of relief when Harry sent a small smile in return.

 

“You know I got asked the funniest question the other day by the Rolling Stones!”

 

Trust Niall to try and fill the increasingly terse silence falling over the table as people silently looked or some cases glared at the menu.

 

“Oh yeah? “

 

Liam placed his menu down on the table- resisting the urge to throw his recently filled glass of wine at Harry. HE wasn’t going to be drinking it – someone needed to remember to be the designated driver and he always had wanted to have a go at throwing a drink in someone’s face. It always looked so fun in the movies. Although some of it would undoubtedly get on the tablecloth and he didn’t want the restaurant to have to deal with that. Getting Matilda’s strawberry jam disaster out of the living throw had been a challenge enough.

 

“That we should do a Take That and get back together.”

 

Zayn chuckled and Perrie looked genuinely intrigued.

 

“We could do I guess. Would be a laugh wouldn’t it.”

 

“No.”

 

The bluntness of his answer didn’t go unnoticed by any one.

 

“Payno I thought you would be the first one up for it?”

 

“Some things should remain finished. I know not all of us are good at letting go of things that aren’t theirs anymore.”

 

Harry couldn’t take it any longer – the not so subtle glares were driving him mad. Maybe his patience had been worn down by everything that had happened today and the fact that his mind was still half at home worrying about Alex, but he snapped.

 

“Wow Liam. You are really going to go into this now?”

 

“Harry.”

 

Louis and Nick spoke at the same; Nick glowering in Louis’ direction when he realised.

 

“ Got them both wrapped around your little finger haven’t you? Good ol’ Harry Styles never learning to let go.”

 

“Hey I don’t see why Harry is getting all the blame here – Louis is equally as guilty as shoving his dick where it ain’t wanted.”

 

If Harry hadn’t been too busy seeing red, he may have kissed Nick right there.

 

“Alright Grimshaw. Suddenly so stand by your man are we? Thought you were more a coward run away type.”

 

“Maybe Nick did the right thing Louis. You bloody had sex with his husband. I just don’t understand how you could do that to our family Louis… I…”

 

The tears Liam’s had tried so hard to keep under control finally falling down his face.

 

“Liam it was never about…”

 

“Then what was it about Harry? You had your chance Harry. You didn’t want him anymore. Yet you still ….”

Taking a breath for air and trying to control the tears before he spoke again, Liam tried to regain some self control so he didn’t break with what he said next.

 

“We had just lost a baby. I knew it was hard Louis.. It was fucking horrible. But I didn’t think you’d go back to … I thought you loved me enough.”

 

The tears were falling down Louis’ face just as fast. It hurt so much to think that Liam didn’t think he loved him. Liam was his whole world. To see Liam after he lost the baby had been the worst thing to ever happen. The person he loved in so much pain – he hadn’t been able to cope. And just like the coward he had been he had turned back to an old comfort zone.

 

“ Liam I love you more than anything. I will never be more sorry… I was a selfish stupid twat. ”

 

Nick could see Harry was killing himself inside; knowing how badly he had affected not only he and Nick but Liam and Louis as well. He had been just as angry at Harry as Liam was with Louis. But unlike Liam he had had the time to process. Nick could tell Zayn was torn as well. One hand rubbing up and down Perrie’s back who looked very close to tears whilst looking like he wanted to yell at both Louis and Harry. Before Liam had chance to reply, the sound of Harry’s phone cut through the room.

 

 

In some ways he couldn’t believe it had been that easy. Walking into the corner shop two roads over from the house, he had expected to at least have to flash a bit of the ‘Styles charm’. But instead as he walked over to the cashier with a full bottle of whiskey and vodka, the man hadn’t even looked up. Simply cashing in the items as he continued reading the sports pages, before gesturing towards the card machine. Not that Alex minded he was grateful for the burn of whiskey on his throat as he sat in the back of a taxi. The taxi man had definitely recognised, he could tell from the typical widening of the eyes followed by a hurried look away. Who cared anyway the world already thought he was a spoilt twat might as well add to it. As he tapped his head back to take another drink, Alex missed the flash of a camera.

 

It took less than twenty minutes to get to Freddie’s house but by the time he stepped out of the taxi, Alex was decidedly less sure on his feet then when he entered. Instead of waiting to see how much the taxi was he shoved a fifty in the driver’s direction and stumbled out the back, gripping on the door handle as he slammed it for some stability. Maybe he had drunk more of that whiskey bottle than he thought. Thankfully it was only a short stagger to Freddie’s gate.

 

“FREDDIIIEEE LET ME THE FUCK IN!!!”

 

“Alex?!”

 

Freddie’s voice sounded a mix of amused and concerned over the intercom.

 

Alex didn’t even notice the disgruntled looks he was getting from an elderly couple walking past to enter the house next door.

 

“HURRYYY Upppp…. I wanna party!!”

 

“Alex…. how drunk are you?!”

 

“FREDDDIIEE COME ONNNN ….”

 

The end of Alex’s sentence was cut off as a wave of nausea rode through him.

 

“Oh my God Alex please tell me you didn’t just through up on the front lawn?! Fuck I’ll be two secs”

 

By the time Freddie made it to the front of the house, Alex was sat on the front lawn head between his knees, the newly opened bottle of vodka tucked between his feet.

 

“Al.. what ? “

 

Alex looked up as soon as heard Freddie’s voice, immediately regretting his decision when the world started to spin.

 

“FREDSTAAAA!!!”

 

Trying and failing to stand up, Alex was grateful that Freddie rushed forward to grab his arm.

 

“Mate keep your voice down. Shit have you drunk that bottle of whiskey already?”

 

He’d never seen Alex like this. Sure he’d seen him drunk and high on multiple occasions. But never alone.  He wasn’t like the press made him out to be at all. He just liked to have a good time -no different from any other guy in their year. Unfortunately for Alex not every other guy’s parents were Harry and Louis. It was weird seeing your best friends name  on the front page of the evening news. He had spent so much time with Alex and his family he forgot that the world saw them as something else.

 

“Want some vodka?”

 

Alex took the bottle that had between his feet and shoved in Freddie’s direction. Or what had been his direction a second ago- now he seemed to have expanded into multiple heads.

 

“No no I’m fine .. I don’t think you should have any more either Alex.. Let me take…”

 

“NO!!”

 

Alex tried to pull the bottle back out of Freddie’s hands, irrational anger flooding through his alcohol addled brain. Everything was spinning; Fuck he needed to through up.

 

“Alex please…”

 

Freddie’s stomach plummeted when he heard a voice behind him.

 

“What seems to the problem here gentleman?”

 

Too preoccupied by Alex’s yelling he hadn’t even noticed the police officer walking up behind them. Bet it was his bloody neighbours.

 

“Nothing Officer- honestly it’s..”

 

Please Alex don’t say anything. Please don’t screw…..

 

“HE wont let me party…. I …. I’m going to be sick…”

 

The rapid whitening of Alex face was enough to make both Freddie and the officer jump out the way just in time to avoid the wave of yellow of bile that came pouring out of Alex.

 

 

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to take him into the station.”

 

To be fair to the man he did actually sound genuinely concerned- probably recognising Alex when he had started talking to them

 

“My Dads are gunna ki…”

 

Alex ‘s sentence was interrupted by another wave of sick. Freddie didn’t have the heart to agree with him at that moment.

 

“Do you want me to ring his parents or do you?”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait!! I hope all my lovely and loyal readers enjoy this chapter :) Please drop me a comment to let me know what you think :D xx

“Woah “Woah woah Ed slow down..”

 

Normally Liam would be annoyed that Harry had picked up his phone in the middle of an argument. But if he knew Harry he knew that Ed would be the one looking after Alex if Nick was here. If Ed was phoning Harry .. it wasn’t good news. Alex being in danger was far more important than anything that he was upset about. Louis had obviously drawn the same conclusion from the way his face was rapidly whitening in time with Harry’s. Liam couldn’t stop his hand reaching out towards him.

 

Every part of him felt frozen as Ed scared rambling sounded in his ear. It was all a jumble of words apart from “Alex” “Missing.” “Shit.” Right now he couldn’t give a toss about Louis or Liam or Nick- Alex had gone.

 

Hanging up with a distant and hurried voice, Harry was completely oblivious to the 6 other faces staring at him in nervous anticipation.

 

“I’ll be with you as soon I can.”

 

It took Nick grabbing his arm, for him to remember where he was.

 

“H what’s happening? What’s wrong.”

 

“I need to go- Nick let me go.”

 

Nick only held on stronger.

 

“Harry!”

 

Harry looked across at Louis as he replied, his voice shaky and distant. A complete change from the anger that had been there only a few minutes ago.

 

“He’s gone… Alex… he’s gone missing.”

 

 

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

 

“Do you mind sitting with him while we phone his parents?”

 

Freddie shook his head; thoroughly aware of Alex dry heaving into a bucket next to him. If they hadn’t been in a police station at this very moment Freddie would have laughed. Holding his hand over Alex’s mouth to stop him throwing up in the car- not so funny. He felt bad for not phoning himself but he wasn’t quite ready to face the undoubted wroth of any of Alex’s parents just yet- especially over the phone. No he could leave the explaining to the proffessionals.

 

“No no I don’t mind – do you need their number?”

 

“Don’t give them Liam….”

The end of Alex’s sentence was cut off by another dry wretch. The police officer exchanged a smirk with Freddie. HE liked this guy – they were lucky they hadn’t got an old timer who would have thrown Alex in the drunk cells.

 

Pulling out his phone Freddie scrolled down to Harry’s number – passing it over to the officer who jotted it down onto a piece of paper.

 

“Cheers I’ll be back to check in with you both in a minute.”

 

A couple of seconds after stroking, Alex’s back he leaned up fromt eh bucket and shot Freddie the best attempt of a smile someone who looked that grey could muter.

 

“Thanks for coming with me.”

 

“Not a problem mate- you’d do the same for me I have no doubt.”

 

“I just needed to … to forget … “

 

“Hey you don’t need to explain… I saw the articles…”

 

Despite Alex only allowing his expression to flinch for a few seconds, Freddie knew him too well to not notice.

 

“It’s Bull – Alex. Ignore it. They don’t know you or your family. “

 

Underneath all his expensive vintage clothing and effortless charm, Alex was the least confident person he knew. Sure he fitted into the party scene at school effortlessly, a social chameleon. But unlike his own family and many of the others, Alex’s family cared. And he cared so much back. No one dared even comment on his siblings with out an extreme dressing down.

 

Instead of verbally replying, Alex reached out and squeezed Freddie’s arm.

 

 

Nick can’t remember the last time that all of One Direction had been in their house and in different circumstances he would have made a sarcy comment. But now the only thing that was on his mind was the definite absence of his children. Alex and the girls. When Alex came back – when not if as he had to keep telling Harry- they were going to Cheshire to get the girls.

 

“Perrie and Liam are on their way back to here now.”

 

They had decided that they should set up base camp at Nick and Harry’s in case Alex came back on his volition. Thankfully both Harry and Louis had agreed – with Louis looking like he was about to set about London on his own personal search and rescue mission. That wasn’t going to do anyone any favours what so ever.

 

“Apparently Leo already knew something was up..”

 

A slight smile appeared on Louis’ face.

 

“He’s smart that one..”

 

He thought he would have more of a problem with Louis being here but if anything it gave him chance to watch. After being forced to endure countless YouTube videos of himself interviewing Harry before they got together by Aimee and Daisy he knew what helpless want looked like. The way your eyes were drawn to the person no matter what was going on; the excuse to be as close to them as possible and reaching out to touch them whenever you could with out looking obvious. How you started to mirror them- becoming an extension of each other. Louis and Harry didn’t have that anymore. He and all the country had seen when they were but now… Now there was nothing. It was almost sad. How two people who had once been so attached had fallen out of love. Perhaps that’s what had worried Nick so much- he had never been in over with anyone but Harry, so couldn’t imagine falling out of love with anyone.

 

Louis watched as Nick threw his arm around Harry’s shoulders , fingers mindlessly and expertly rubbing over Harry’s collar bones. It felt strange watching; almost as if he should feel something different to how was feeling now. When everything had broken down with him and Harry, there hadn’t had the opportunity most couples did to spend time apart. They had been thrust straight into being band mates again, not wanting to affect the other boys or give the press what they wanted. And sure there had been fights- some of the worst and most heated he had ever been in. But they were the kind of fights you have with someone you are still in love with. The passionate and hate filled rows where you throw every dagger and poisonous word you have in your arsenal. Trying to protect yourself more than anything else.  He couldn’t fight like that with Harry anymore. That’s not say they didn’t fight but it was different now. Sitting here watching him and Nick he realised what felt wasn’t jealousy or envy but longing. Longing to see Liam walk through the kitchen door with all their children. To watch Liam’s eyes crease when he laughed or how the edges of his lips turned down when he saw Louis was upset or nervous. He just hoped Liam could see that.

 

“Im so so sorry. Is should have stayed with him… I shouldn’t have…”

 

“Ed please don’t blame yourself. It would have happened with any of us.”

 

Nick felt bad for Ed. Ever since they had arrived home Ed had been falling over himself to apologise. Not that any of them blamed him in the slightest but the fact that Harry had yet to say anything was probably not helping the guilt Ed was feeling.

 

Harry’s voice when he next spoke sounded strange even to himself, lower and more hushed than normal.

 

“It’s not your fault … It’s mine. I should have told him ,,, I shouldn’t …”

 

“Guys let’s stop playing the blame game ok- all that matters if that we get him back safely.”

 

A twisted smile came over Louis’ face.

 

“Grimshaw talking sense… as if this day couldn’t get any weirder.  

 

The sound of Harry’s phone ringing for the second time this evening stopped any of them in the kitchen noticing the front door shutting. For a second Harry considered not answering, pure fear for what he was going to hear on the other end but the anticipatory looks from the others in the room forced his hand to pick up the phone. If he didn’t it would be Louis and Louis would not cope. Harry knew him well enough to know how much that would break him. His worries only increased as he noticed the unknown number display.

 

“Good evening this is Harry Styles.”

 

“Mr Styles I’m sorry to disturb you this evening. My name is Officer Michael Peters from Notting Hill Police Station.”

 

Harry could feel his insides drop, his heart pounding in his throat. Nick could tell it wasn’t good news from the darkening of Harry’s eyes; bluey greens turning a stormy mess.

 

“Is he alive?”

 

He didn’t care if he hadn’t given the man on the other end the time to finish or panicked everyone else in the room – he needed to know. He was more than bemused by what could be only described as laughter on the other end of the phone.

 

“Very much so Mr Styles. Although at this very moment I think he’s wishing he wasn’t. I’ll explain when you come down to the station to pick him up. You know where to find us?”

 

Realising the man couldn’t see his nod down the phone, he verbalised his reply.

 

“Yeah yeah- We’ll be with you soon.”

 

The worry he had been feeling was rapidly being replaced by parental anger. What in God’s name had Alex done now?


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AT LAST A CHAPTER!!! Please enjoy all my wonderful and fateful readers :D This chapter is a bit of a calm in the storm- something needed what with everything going on in real life at the moment!! Write a comment and let me know what you think :D xx

Perrie had agreed to stay in the car whilst Liam went inside to the get the kids. He appreciated her coming with him – his mind not in the right mood for driving- but he couldn’t hide what was happening if she was there. Just like Harry, Perrie’s face was a mirror of her emotions’. And Leo would see straight through it – inheriting Louis’ ability to see through anyone’s BS. It seemed it was only him who couldn’t see through Louis’.

 

The house was unusually dark when he opened the front door. If it had been anything like normal there would have been a beam of light coming from the living room, Leo fast asleep on the sofa watching the Avengers having tried to stay awake for them to come home. The darkness was doing anything but comfort his already racing mind. Climbing the stairs carefully in case of any casually discarded toys or Lego pieces, Liam made his way up to the first landing. As he expected there was complete darkness and as he checked around the rooms’ of the others, he was comforted to see them tucked up in bed. Leo’s room however was worryingly empty. There could only be one other place he would be; he had to be there.

 

Liam’s mind eased a little when his suspicions were confirmed- a light coming through his and Louis’ bedroom door. What he wasn’t ready for was a red eyed Leo, cuddling Louis’ pillow to his chest fiddling with his phone.

 

“Leo… What’s wrong babe?”

 

As Liam sat down onto the bed, Leo launched himself into his chest, tears starting again into Liam’s shirt.

 

“Dad’s jumpers gone.”

 

Leo’s voice was muffled into Liam’s chest. He pulled Leo away from his now damp shirt and placed his hands firmly onto his shoulders.

 

“What was that Le”

 

Leo wiped his had roughly against his eyes and sniffed loudly before replying.

 

“All of Dad’s stuff is gone. I .. I came up to get his jumper.. and and… it was all gone. “

 

Liam’s heart broke. How do you explain to your son that his dad wasn’t coming back into the house any time soon as he had slept with his half brother’s (who is currently missing) father who he was once in a serious relationship with? God when did his life get so fucked up?! He stroked his hand softly through Leo’s hair, noticing Leo’s breathing calm just as it had done since he was young boy. Liam the only one who would be able to get him off to sleep when he had had six months of continuous nightmares when he was three.

 

“Dad might not be coming home for a while…”

 

Leo’s head jerked up to look at Liam, eyes quickly reddening again as he comprehended what Liam had said.

 

“ What…. I… You and Dad aren’t getting a divorce are you?”

 

He hadn’t even thought of divorce until Leo said it now, the word stinging in his chest, his hand stilling on Leo’s head.

 

“I .. I don’t know bub.”

 

He gripped Leo’s chin in his left hand, tilting his face up towards him making sure to look Leo straight in the eye.

 

“Whatever happens.. **whatever ..** Both your Dad and I will always love you and be there for you. You and all of your brothers and sisters. “

 

Leo nodded slowly, wiping at his eyes with one of his hands, leaning closer into Liam’s chest.

 

“Is this to do with what happened tonight with Alex?”

 

“No of course not… hang on how do you know what happened with Alex?”

 

A sheepish look of guilt mix with betrayal spread across Leo’s face.

 

“I… Nothing.”

 

Liam’s ‘Dad’ voice came out in full as held on to Leo’s shoulders.

 

“Listen I don’t care what ever it is – tell me. For all any of us know Alex is missing – so if you know ANYTHING and I mean anything please tell me. “

 

“Alex is missing?!”

 

“Leo calm tell me what’s happened.”

 

“I I just saw on Twitter some of my friends had seen him coming out of an off license with bottles and then outside Freddie’s house….”

 

Any concern Liam had had of Alex running away vanished and was quickly being replaced by annoyance.

 

“Right thank you Leo. Do you mind packing an over night bag while I’m sorting out the others – we are all staying over night at Nick’s while we find Alex.”

 

He couldn’t bring himself to say Harry. Not yet.

 

Wiping at his eyes, Leo sent a weak smile towards Liam.

 

“Course Dad.  Alex is going to be alright isn’t he?”

 

It warmed Liam’s heart to see how protective their kids were over each other – with everything the world was going to throw at them as they grew up, they needed it. It had been what kept One Direction going for so long and the thing they had lost when every thing started to fall apart.

 

“He’s gunna be fine Le- maybe not after Nick , Harry , your Dad and I are through with him…”

 

He finished the sentence with a wink and was rewarded with a laugh from Leo. After everything that had happened today: with Louis; Harry and now Alex. It was nice to know that one thing didn’t change. Whatever happened – he loved his kids more than anything in the world and he was prepared to protect them from anything. Even if that meant his and Louis’ relationship.

 

* * *

 

By the time Liam, Perrie and the kids had arrived back, it had been a good half an hour after the phone call before he and Louis had left for the station. Although it had given him enough time to explain that Alex had been found to the anxious people sitting around the kitchen. At least Ed now looked like he was less on the verge of having a mental breakdown over loosing their son. In fact Harry was 100% certain that after he had calmed down Ed was actually quite amused that Harry and Louis’ son was supposedly smashed at a police station instead of missing in a ditch. Alex should be glad that someone in their family was finding this hilarious – because he sure wasn’t. Stuck in the car just a few roads away from the station, Harry was in the mood to yell. Probably not helped by the fact it was only he and Louis in the car; Louis having spent the journey drumming his fingers against the marble panelling of the door. Sure Louis was as annoyed as he was, as well as being upset due to Liam having been very obviously less than willing to leave Louis in charge of the kids at the house and come with Harry instead, but did he really have to be so annoying. At the final set of traffic lights Harry cracked

 

“Do you really have to do that?”

 

Instead of an apology, Louis levelled him with an equally annoyed expression.

 

“Yep.”

 

With the extra pop on the ‘P’, Harry restrained himself from throttling Louis by gripping onto the steering wheel tighter, frown deepening on his face. It was so obvious sometimes where Alex came from.

 

Louis sighed loudly but at least the tapping stopped.

 

“I’m going to kill him.”

 

Harry didn’t reply until he had pulled away from the lights.

 

“Join the club Tomlinson.”

 

He wished Nick were here in the car with him instead – someone to calm the fright nerves in him; fuck he’d take Liam if it meant he wasn’t alone in the car with Louis. Louis who knew exactly how and why Harry was so anti alcohol and drugs. Who could read Harry like a book no matter what their relationship was anymore and who could hold grudges better than a teenage girl. At least Liam would be out and out pissy with him. He would also know how to deal with Alex. Not scared of fracturing the last trace of what was ‘Larry Stylinson’-the glue that was the only thing still tying them together. The only thing that could tear them apart.

 

They didn’t speak again until they reached the car park, both of them checking from behind the blackout windows for any wondering paparazzi; well skilled after all their time in spotting even a camera phone emerging from behind a bush. The words tasted weird in his mouth with the argument that was still brewing back at the house, but Harry forced them out. For Alex.

 

“United front?”

 

Louis looked oddly at the hand Harry had struck out towards him before a bittersweet smile grew on his lips.

 

“Always.”

 

His eyes dipped down to his legs, before regaining contact with Harry’s; a slight redness that hadn’t been there before.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

The confusion blatantly etched across Harry’s face urged him to continue.

 

“It’s … it’s just all this with Alex has made me think of…”

 

Realisation was growing in Harry’s eyes so Louis looked away as he continued.

 

“I’m sorry for what I put you through…. I … you didn’t deserve it. “

 

The last thing Harry had expected from this journey was an apology. An apology he had been waiting sixteen years to hear. It had never been said explicitly – the fact they had a child together preventing any time apart when they broke up. Apologies had come in the form of actions and not words. Back then it was all Harry had wanted; the only thing he would have needed to jump straight back into Louis’ arms. Now it was all he needed to let go.

 

Reaching out to grab Louis’ leg, Harry gave it a gentle squeeze waiting until Louis looked back up at him before he spoke.

 

“Thank you. That means a lot. “

 

Louis placed his hand on top of Harry’s. For that moment it was just them- no yelling; no children; band mates or husbands. No big make up ‘Hello’ front cover or press conference. Just them-Harry and Louis- just like at the beginning in a fateful bathroom all those years ago.

 

“Now please tell me you are ready to kick the ass of that son of yours in there!”

 

“Hey why’s he my son all of a sudden?!”

 

Harry levelled Louis with a look, the sly smirk crinkling at his eyes.

 

“We are at a Police Station – collecting what I can only presume is our completely inebriated teenage son- how is this not a Tomlinson trait?”

 

Louis laughed as he reached for the car door, turning back towards Harry with a wink.

 

“I’m not the one who missed collecting our Brit award ‘cause I was having a drunken blow job in the loos.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoys!! Drop me a comment to let me know what you think :D Next part to come soon xxx

Even the throbbing drum in his head couldn’t stop him recognising the two voices that, by the sound of it, had just walked up to the front desk. A fresh wave of nausea came over him just thinking that both his parents were here. They were going to be so pissed. He was dead. More than dead. Fucking massacred. The only thing he could be grateful for was that there was only the two of them no the normal four piece army he had to face.

 

“Al? I think your..”

 

Alex groaned in response before swiftly throwing up into the bucket the police officer had quickly put in front of him when they had arrived much to he amusement of the other police officers that kept walking past. Freddie grimaced at the smell of bile and vodka assaulting his nostrils and continued rubbing his hand gently against Alex’s back. From the sound of the two very recognisable Yorkshire and Cheshire accents – Harry and Louis were pissed. For the briefest of seconds he considered lying; telling them he had given Alex the alcohol, invited him over for a piss up. The idea was swiftly squashed by the looks on both of their faces as they came round the corner accompanied by the officer who would already know he was lying. Fuck Alex was on his own with this little mess. Freddie didn’t think he had ever seen anyone look as much like a mother lion on one of those David Attenborough documentaries they were meant to watch at school as Harry did right now. Even the police officer looked slightly intimidated by at the ‘tour de force’ that was Harry and Louis. In a weird way he was jealous. When he had been caught smoking weed in school, (Alex haven just left to go to the toilet) his Dad hadn’t even bothered coming, simply sending the housekeeper to pick him up.

 

 

The stench of vomit was evident as they turned the corner. The police officer had mostly filled them in on what had happened – Alex having been drunk and yelling outside Freddie’s house the little shit. There was a brief sense of calm though seeing him there. He was alive. Despite the phone call and Leo’s confirmation when Liam had come back, it was only seeing him in the flesh that stopped his mind from racing. He’d never done this bit before, the anxious waiting by the phone; checking bedrooms for drugs and alcohol. That had always been Harry… sticking by him through fuck up after fuck up until it was one too many. They needed to get to the bottom of what was going on with Alex. He didn’t like the change from the kind charismatic boy they used to have to someone that was far too familiar for comfort.

 

 Louis could not help but feel some sense of pride at the look of fear that had passed through Freddie’s eyes when they had walked in. He had taken a while to warm to Freddie. Freddie being every thing Louis hadn’t been when he was growing up; his family from old money; voice starkly softer and rounder than Louis’ brash Doncaster tones. But he had been loyal to Alex through thick and thin. Covering him more times than Alex realises Louis knew about- he didn’t grow up one of seven and not learn what a cover up was. Sure he had been the one to introduce Alex to the world of Belvedere and cannabis but he was at least trustworthy. And up until now he had made sure that not a single photo made it to the press – his own family connections providing both he and Alex with a blanket of security. Louis had to be grateful for small mercies.

 

“Alexander William Edward Tomlinson Styles!”

 

The groan Alex let out was almost comical. Harry would have normally laughed but right now all he could see was his son with a head over a bucket in a police station. The strange sense of déjà vu preventing any humour. At least he wasn’t in a cell.

 

“Would you care to explain to me what the hell you are doing here?”

 

He knew he should look up – he would recognise Harry’s ‘your in so much shit voice’ anywhere – but he couldn’t bring him self to. If he saw them together he didn’t know if he would start crying or yelling; the tears already building at the corners of his eyes. Damn alcohol messing with his emotions.

 

Harry felt the anger inside him build up; Alex could be a shit but he had never been disrespectful. He wasn’t going to take that.

 

“Alexander are you seriously going to make me count? You don’t ignore your father like that.”

 

The words tasted funny on Louis’ tongue- the 18 year old inside him finding it slightly amusing that he was now acting like an adult. He could almost picture his mum inside him saying the words.

 

Everyone’s eyes were on the three of them as Louis’ stern “One” echoed round the group. Thankfully Alex managed to find some sense and look up towards Louis and Harry.  The first thing Louis noticed was the red-rimmed eyes and incredibly palled skin of someone who had just thrown up. Stopping every urge that wanted to wrap him up in a hug, Louis crossed his arms across his chest.

 

“I .. I fucked up…”

 

Alex’s shrug, which was obviously meant to be nonchalant and sullen, was more pathetic than anything.

 

“You could say that again mate. What do you have to say this to poor police officer and Freddie here who you have dragged up at this hour?”

 

“Honestly it’s no…”

 

Freddie quickly quietened as Harry’s glare turned on him. Knowing better than to look back at the floor, Alex looked at the police officer and Freddie in turn as he apologised.

 

“Sorry for disturbing your evening and for any inconvenience I may have caused.”

 

The officer let out a low chuckle.

 

‘Not a bother – just make sure I don’t find you like that again otherwise we may have a problem.”

 

Harry and Louis turned to him with a grateful smile.

 

“Don’t you worry – you wont be.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The car journey home was pretty silent; Alex sat in the front next to Harry and Freddie with Louis in the back. The police officer had kindly let me them keep the bucket for any ‘accidents’ on the journey back. Harry had almost refused the offer but following Alex’s reaction to the first speed bump after the station, he felt like sending the officer a thank you card for saving his car seats. Although his two baby girls had been in here, they at least had the cuteness factor and a huge difference in size.

 

“I’m really worried about him.”

 

Louis almost didn’t hear Freddie; too busy looking out the window- mind racing over what was going on with his son. Making sure to keep his voice down low so Harry or Alex didn’t here Louis leaned across.

 

“What do you know? I know he must have mentioned something to you. He trusts you more than anyone.”

 

Freddie shrugged just looking down at his lap; all the little things he had ignored over the past few weeks adding up in his mind. Things he really should have said something about.

 

“Like he’s stopped eating lunch just sm…”

 

“It’s alright I know he smokes.”

 

Freddie looked slightly guilty but continued on.

 

“just smokes instead and he’s been going a lot more hard core at parties. I feel bad for ratting him out but…”

 

Louis reached over and grabbed Freddie’s shoulder.

 

“Hey don’t feel guilty, you’re a good friend ok. We’re gunna get to the bottom of this you know?”

 

Freddie smiled tightly.

 

“Thanks… I think .. I think it might be something to do with you and Harry.”

 

Louis’ insides blanched. Harry must have caught his reaction as he met his gaze in the mirror- sending Louis a questioning glance that he could only muster a half hearted shrug to in reply. They weren’t having this conversation now- not in the car with two teenagers one of whom stank of Smirnoff and Jack Daniels.

 

He nodded at Freddie before reaching his hand through to the front to rub Alex’s back as the car swerved round the corner to Freddie’s house. The turn one too many for Alex’s fragile stomach.

 

Pulling up outside the house, Harry gently stopped the car resisting the temptation to violently break, before turning round to face Freddie.

 

“Are your parents in Fred?”

 

Freddie shook his head.

 

“No but it’s no bother Sir.. I can let myself….”

 

“Don’t be silly I’m not letting you stay here alone. It’s the least I can do anyway.”

 

“Honestly…”

 

“No no I wont have it. We’ve got a small army at our house as it is what’s another person.”

 

Alex turned to Harry face paler than before if possible.

 

“Everyone?”

 

“Oh yeah don’t you remember it was Zayn and Perrie’s anniversary dinner? Well was until we had to come and find you as Ed was worried sick.”

 

Harry was pleased to see Alex look guilty. He wasn’t going to add that Alex had provided a twisted form of distraction.

 

Louis chose that moment to lean forward between the two chairs.

 

“And everyone has stayed up to welcome you home. Isn’t that nice?”

 

Alex slunk low into his seat.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by what is going to be an AMAZING new album and the upcoming break *cry" i finally put my butt into gear and wrote this. PLEASE ENJOY AND DROP ME A COMMENT !! Lots of love xxx

By the time they made it home through the late night London weekend taxi traffic everyone but Harry was asleep. Louis slumped forward onto the chair in front; hand still on the back of Alex’s neck with Freddie leaning slightly into his back. A funny sight with Freddie’s rower physique dwarfing Louis. Instead of immediately waking them all up, Harry took a moment to look over at Alex. Even now at his most relaxed a frown was still etched across his lips- unsettled even in his sleep- long curled eyelashes fluttering against his pallid skin. Harry ran his hands through his own hair, the tiredness feeling like a heavy weight inside him. Tiredness not defined by a lack of sleep but by 7 years of non-stop touring accompanied by one, now almost two, failed relationships and three children. To the rest of the world it had always seemed that Harry was coasting through life, the fast pace a breeze for the charming smile and quick-witted reputation that followed him. But inside he hadn’t stopped running. Afraid that one-day it would all fall apart. In some way it now felt like running had just bought him closer to falling. 

 

Harry brushed his hand gently through Alex’s curls, smiling to himself as Alex leant into his touch. Whatever was eating Alex up needed to change. He couldn’t stand it any longer- this thin, troubled teenager a far cry from his son. The beautiful blue-eyed boy that had given him hope when it felt like his whole universe was crashing around him. In an ideal world he would keep him trapped in the house-safe from any dangers. But that wasn’t realistic- at 17 the last thing anyone wants is to be stuck at home alone with only their parents for company. Screw it at 17 he was travelling round the world – A levels forgotten. Even now he can still remember the argument between him, Alex and Louis when deciding Alex’s A Level options. How it ended with a dramatic door slam and Alex yelling that they hadn’t done ‘Fucking A-levels’. Louis had but the fact he had failed every single one of them gave him limited grounds to reply. Thankfully Nick had managed to talk him round- ironic for a man who didn’t even know what he did a degree in. Between four parents that didn’t have a single decent qualification between them they had managed to create a child who was destined to get 4 A*. Harry didn’t want him to throw that away.

 

“We back?”

 

Harry turned round in his seat to find Louis blinking sleepily, stretching his arms slowly above his head.

 

Harry nodded back, not yet trusting his voice to hide his emotions. He took a moment to watch Louis as he stretched. He looked better - not that Li would appreciate him saying that at the moment what with the looming argument he knew Louis was panicking about waiting inside. But Liam had done a good job with him the past 14 years. Cheekbones still evident but not razor sharp as they had been from the sleepless nights, limited food and consistent diet of chain smoking; eyes although tired not grey and pupils not dilated. 20 years later Louis looked more like the boy he met in the toilets at Wembley than the mess of a man he had walked away from. Harry was pleased that someone had managed to save him; he just hadn’t been ready to be that person. He was- had been- a flitter. Running away when anything got too hard. And with Louis- the thought of staying to watch him destruct, of witnessing the person who he loved more than the world crumble. Well that had been the hardest thing he had been through. Especially going through it all with a baby crying in the room next door. One of them had to stay alive for him-for their son. Staying together would only kill them both.

 

“You alright?”

 

It took a moment for Harry’s eyes to make contact– the smile he sent Louis so flat he could tell even Harry wasn’t convinced by it. A bad sign for the King of fake smiles.  Louis watched as Harry absentmindedly kept his hand running through Alex’s hair. Only Louis could or ever would notice the slight shake of Harry’s fingers as he did so. He could see even more clearly now why Liam was so intimidated by his and Harry’s relationship. To see your husband so in tune with someone other than yourself must be terrifying. God he remembered how horrible it had been when he had first seen Harry meet Nick; see a light and admiration normally only reserved for him. That’s why he had he acted like such a shit towards Nick, hoping his scowl and snide comments would clearly imply ‘back off- he’s mine’. But as Nick and Harry had been drawn closer, so had he and Liam. Although he hadn’t seen it at the time it was if the world was pulling them to a cross roads; Harry slipping through his fingers by the second.

 

 Freddie yawning loudly next to Louis interrupted the silence between them, his well-built figure stretching to fill up the rest of the back seat. Louis raised his eyebrow at Harry; a look Harry knew they would be to come back to this conversation later, before turning to smile warmly at Freddie.

 

“We are back bud. “  

 

Louis’ voice seemed to stir Alex as well, Harry feeling him turn his face into his hand.

 

“Dad…”

 

Harry watched as the front door of the house opened, Nick’s silhouette visible in the hallway light before stroking his hand gently down Alex’s cheek.

 

“Let’s get you two inside. “

 

Sensing the tremor in Harry’s voice, Louis took over the situation; spotting Nick hovering by the door in the distant light. Not wanting to come over to see him and Harry together despite itching to know what had happened he was sure. Louis didn’t even want to think about the conversation with Liam that was waiting inside but Harry needed Nick right now and Louis wasn’t going to stand in the way. Harry needed to let his façade drop and as hard as it was to admit, he wasn’t going to do it with him. Not over something like this – the boy who had made him put up the barrier in the first place.

 

“I’ll get these two to bed. You alright to move Freddie- I’m just going to grab Al?”

 

Louis started moving as soon as Freddie even began to nod, not giving Harry time to object. Opening the passenger door for Alex, Louis managed to catch him as he stepped/fell out in a sort of daze, slumping into Louis’ side. His normally tall physique seemingly reduced as he leant into him. The warm pressure against him, a welcome reassurance for both Louis and him. Apart from giving Harry time to calm down, Louis was pleased to have some time with Alex. He didn’t see him as much as he wanted to at the moment, X factor keeping him out the country away from his own home and children who always lived with him. And Harry was so reluctant to give over Alex as it was; even now when he had two more girls of his own.

 

“I’ll see you back in the house H.”

 

Catching Harry’s grateful grimace before turning towards the house, Louis couldn’t help but be childishly glad of the human shield he had as he approached Grimshaw; the two of them not having been alone together since the ‘big reveal’.  Nick’s puzzled look became clearer as Louis came closer and he realised that the three people that came out of the car did not include Harry. Reluctant to let go of Alex, he simply paused for a moment and gestured his head towards the car.

 

“Think Haz might want you.”

 

He was torn. Half of him wanting to run straight to the car to Harry, a very small but still present part of his brain rejoicing that Harry wanted HIM and not Louis; or staying here with Alex and Freddie – which in it self was not a strange sight, the two almost inseparable- but it was the first time he’d seen one startlingly sober compared to the other. Freddie even looking slightly on edge, as he sent worried glances over to Alex. At least Alex having good friends was one thing they didn’t have to worry about. He settled for stroking his hand down Alex’s face calming his own racing nerves with the physical reassurance he was actually there and squeezing Freddie’s shoulder in what he hoped portrayed a thank you, before finally turning back to Louis. Earlier today if you had told him he would be having a rational conversation with Louis Tomlinson he would have laughed but now he had run out of fight. Harry needed him; Alex needed them and Louis had more than enough to deal with what with Liam inside who hadn’t left the other children’s’ sides since they had arrived back. Not speaking to anyone – just sitting on the rocking chair in the spare room head between his hands rocking slowly back and forth.

 

“Ed’s in the kitchen with Gemma and Liam’s upstairs with the kids.”

 

Nick didn’t wait for Louis’ reply before heading over to Harry’s car. Even with the darkened windows it was obvious to see what was happening inside – Harry bent forward onto himself, whole body shaking with lurching sobs as his hands clung onto the steering wheel.

 

 


	36. 36a

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the release of Made In the AM (GAHHHH it's amazing) and the boy's first live lounge, I may have actually gone and written the first part to the next chapter. I hope you enjoy and drop me comment to let me know what you think <3 xx
> 
> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone single person who reads my writing - each and every single one of you is amazing <3

The house was strangely quiet for the amount of people that were there; his kids normally a whirlwind of noise. Then again Louis reminded himself it was shit o’clock in the morning

 

“Umm .. Louis do you mind if I go and sleep in Alex’s room – just I’ve got practise tomorrow…”

 

“Of course get some sleep lad. I’m sorry all this has kept you up so long. Can I get you anything at all? “

 

Not that he knew what there was to offer. Although he was sure Harry had some weird green juice or funky raw snacks somewhere to offer up.  What was wrong with a good packet of monster much Louis didn’t know.

 

Freddie shook his head, leaning back against the baby gate on the bottom step of the stairs.

 

“I’m good thanks. And it’s not a problem – he’s my friend.”

 

There was more weight behind his comment than Freddie’s casual shrug would suggest. The hastey glances he was shooting over to Alex’s limp figure filled with obvious concern.

 

“I ..  I know it’s not my business to say anything but .. I’m worried about him. He’s not the same at the moment. It’s hard to explain I.. it’s like he’s there but not really there… Sorry I’m not making any sense.”

 

Weirdly it’s the most sense anything has made all evening. And all from a seventeen year old who seemed to know his son better than he did.

 

“ I understand. We’ll get him through this ey? Now get on to bed yeah – I’ll get this one some water and stuff in the kitchen and set him up somewhere close to a bathroom – don’t want him throwing up over you or anyone else when he wakes up.”

 

Freddie took one last glance at Alex before heading towards the stairs, his heavy foot fall creaking the old – Harry insisted vintage- wooden steps. Gripping on to Alex he started leading him towards the kitchen door; task harder with the extra dead weight but Louis wasn’t ready to let him out of his sight just yet.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Nick carefully opened the door; heart breaking at the sound of the wretched sobs echoing around the car. He hadn’t heard Harry cry like this since ‘that night’ – once Alex had been carefully put to sleep and Harry had just collapsed onto Nick’s kitchen floor and sobbed in such a way Nick was worried he was going to never stop.  Even then, like the bloody saint he was, Harry had got up the next day to promote Made in the A.M – album written about the hidden downfall of his and Louis’ relationship as if nothing was wrong. Fuck Harry was more put together than he was, Nick feeling too drained to literally through anything but the Kanye West t-shirt lying in the ironing basket on as suitable work attire.  Nick had found it so hard to keep it composed seeing Louis at the live lounge that day – his fist remaining tightly wound clenched by his side as the bugger laughed and joked as if he hadn’t literally ripped Harry’s heart in two last night and acting oblivious to the fact that Harry’s lack of voice was nothing to do with a bloody cold. Although from Liam’s glances to Harry during Story of my Life – it was obvious he clocked something was going on. Bloody genuine bugger that he was.

 

“ Harold?”

 

Reaching out to carefully place his hand on Harry’s back, his old nickname slipped out so he would know it was Nick in the car. Even just hearing his voice, Nick could tell Harry was trying to stop his crying- back going rigid and breathing slowing as he tried to calm himself down – all those bloody morning yoga sessions he had forced Nick to go to with him coming to fruition.

 

It was weird but in a way he felt so honoured that he was one of the few people who got to see this side of Harry. Even weirder still that he fell even more in love with him each time. Then again his friends did weirder things; only last week Daisy had babbled on about how she fell in love with her current beau of the moment because of his obsession with public tableaux. He was a nice enough dude but stopping in the middle of Shoreditch at 4 in the afternoon to do a freeze frame of a lamppost was not endearing.

 

“ It’s fine…”

 

Nick almost scoffed at the ridiculousness of Harry’s statement. Like fuck was he fine. His eyes were red raw and cheeks wet with the tears that were still running down his face.

 

“ Oh come here you silly sausage.”

 

Nick pulled Harry into him, wrapping his arms even tighter around his broad lean shoulders as he felt them shaking, the beginnings of a damp patch developing on his t-shirt.

 

“I couldn’t cope with seeing him there… I….. it was just like all before… Everything…. I’ve let everyone down… I’ve failed ….

 

Harry took a gulp for air before continuing.

 

“Failed Louis, Failed you and failed my own son. Can’t make a fucking marriage work and …”

 

“Hey!”

 

Nick tilted Harry’s head up towards him, tears of his own now falling he was sure, not letting go until Harry looked him straight in the eye.

 

“You have not failed anyone.”

 

Harry began to look down.

 

“But…”

 

“ No bloody buts! I’m here. I’m always going to be here. I love you so so fucking much it’s ridiculous. Never think you’ve failed me ok. “

 

Nick wiped his fingers under Harry’s eyes, wiping away the tears that had slowed down now as Harry’s breathing returned to normal.

 

“And Louis is Louis. Anything he does is not your fault. What he has done in the past are his problems to deal with not yours. What Louis .. became.. was gunna happen if you were there or not. HE doesn’t blame you does he? The twat still thinks you’re the bee’s fucking knees. Every single person in that house does. And Alex. Alex literally worships the ground you walk on H. All he wants to do is make you proud and I don’t think that would happen if you failed him now would it. You’ve been there for him when no one else in the world would was. And I bet you right now he’s in there thinking he’s failed you.”

 

“The thing with Louis … it happened…. I’m not going to lie it’s gunna hurt for a bit. And I’ve tried living with out you – tried being angry but I just can’t do it.  But you know what, I know I’m a shit sometimes to be around – God I’m impressed you’ve stuck through it all – and we are both equally to blame for the mess in the past. But I want this to work Harry…. I want this so fucking much. Alex , you the Girls – you’re the only things that matter.”

 

Shit he hadn’t planned on saying all of that – but once he got started there was just no stopping him. Him and his infamous runaway tongue. Harry’s eyes were locked with his – a silent stillness passing between them. Harry searching Nick’s eyes for a honesty he always doubted he deserved.

 

“I love you.”

 

Three little words that for Harry meant so much more.

 

I love you.

 

I trust you.

 

I’m sorry.


	37. 36b

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this chapter :D Thanks so much to everyone who has left such wonderful comments and to all those who are reading this story xx

Half way through trying to maneuver Alex through the door to the kitchen, Alex stirred against his side; jolting against awake just as Harry did. 

"Dad?"

The quiet and croaky voice stirred life from within the kitchen, the door being fully opened by a panicked looking Ed- saving Louis the struggle of trying to get it open. As of course Harry had to get fuck off heaving wooden doors to go with his creepy wooden stairs. Before either Louis or Alex had time to process what was happening, Ed had Alex pulled against him; dragging him into the kitchen, eyes looking dangerously close to tears. Holding him tighter than Louis would have done someone who only a few minutes ago was throwing up into a bucket. 

"Oh my god. Never do that to me again. I was so worried. I thought I'd fucking lost you."

It was heart warming to watch- to see that Alex was loved by more than just by his immediate family. That he had a support network no matter what happened.

He allowed himself to slump against the wall, tiredness catching up with him. His body calling out for Liam’s warming comfort; the way he would normally have his arm on top of Louis’ shoulders, stroking one hand through his hair as Louis leant against him. Over Ed's head, Louis caught Gemma's eye as she finished placing a glass of water and two Neurofen on the table and mouthed a thank you. He could tell she was confused about where Harry was; surprised he wasn't here glued to Alex's side, her eyes glancing between Alex and the door. Although the tense expression that had been on her face before he and Harry had left had dissipated, her relief that Alex was actually alive evident all over. 

"Ed .. Ed I'm can't breathe I'm going to ..."

Five seconds later, Alex's was bent double over the kitchen sink, hair hanging in his face as he vomited bile over the taps and the ends of his curls. God he wanted the ground to swallow him up - seeing Ed had just added to the guilt he was already feeling and his body was doing a stellar job of reminding him what a bloody idiot he was. All he wanted was to go to sleep and for all this to go away- the newspapers, the horrific nausea rushing through him and the look of disappointment mixed with sadness he couldn't quite understand he had seen on Harry's face at the station. Although it wasn’t like tomorrow was going to be any better: the whole of bloody One Direction giving him what was going to be a lecture for the record books and a never ending sea of questions. All combined with a horrific hangover and his younger siblings undoubtedly making a hideous amount of noise.

It wasn't long before he felt a reassuring hand rubbing on his back as another pulled his hair out of his face.

"Hey hey- it's alright. Just get it out yeah . "

Louis' hushed Yorkshire accent a comfort blanket to Alex's rushing emotions. 

Gemma's worries reduced a little as Harry walked into the kitchen, Nick's hand gripped onto his shoulder. Although she could spot the reddened eyes from a mile off, her older sister experience enabling her to detect anything that was wrong with H even on a screen when he was on the other side of with world. Whatever happened at the station had obviously shaken him. No one really knew what had happened between Harry and Louis at the end -even herself, their mum and Nick who knew more than anyone else. And there were obviously still things that he had told no one that still had a hold over him. An unspoken promise between him and Louis. Harry had always been unnecessarily protective over things he cared about. And Gemma wouldn’t be surprised if the things he was hiding were things that could be damaging for all of them. He always had been a martyr. 

Sensing Gemma's eyes lingering on him, Harry sent her a small smile. Enough for her to know he was ok - well would be. Better than Alex was going to be tomorrow morning. He winced as he dry wretched into the sink - yeah that was not going to be fun. At least he wasn’t on a tour bus - crammed spaces and bumps an incredibly bad combination after a heavy night. Especially when the said hung-over person insists on sharing your already squished bunk and complaining about the self inflicted hangover. 

“I made up the spare bedroom next to ours when you were out - thought it would be the best option - what with the en-suite and near us..and there’s a sofa bed incase anyone wants to go in there as well….”

“Thanks Grimshaw.”

It was weird hearing the words coming out of his own mouth; but if he could admit anything it was that Nick had been an amazing Dad to Alex- sometimes better than he had been. The years he had on both he and Harry and the fact he had actually had a normal teenage/ university experience paying off. Alex’s body had finally stilled beneath his hand, the rapid short breathing replaced by long slow breaths s he calmed himself down. Louis guided him up, tying his hair up into a bun with a hairband he had on his wrist and wiping at his face with a piece of kitchen towel; allowing his fingers to brush slowing over the now defined jaw line - not his baby anymore. 

“Could you stay with me … Dad?”

There was no uncertainty about who he was talking to- his eyes locked onto Harry. it didn’t make him angry like it used to- the anger being replaced by more a wistful sadness - how Alex was drawn to Harry the moment he needed a security blanket. If he was upset about anything or wanted some of advice- it was always Harry above any else he turned to. Over the past few years he had managed to build up a good relationship with Alex - making up for the early years he missed and would always feel guilty for. And he was proud of how far they’d come. But he would never be Harry. He understood it now having had more kids of his own- the trust that you get in those first few weeks is irreplaceable. Maybe that’s why he and Liam where so protective of Leo - the first time he was able to be the father he wanted to be from the beginning. 

There was no delay in Harry replying. 

“Of course love. Let’s get you there now shall we- out of these clothes and into something comfy ey? “


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter?! After the writers block from hell and life bringing one crap after another I have finally had the time and inspiration to write again. I hope this chapter is an apology enough for all the wonderful people who have kept reading and any new readers who happen to chance upon this story. All and any feedback is always welcome. xx

By the time everyone else had excused themselves for the night it was just him and Nick left. If there was any way that this evening could have ended, this was not what Louis would have predicted. Instead of ending up decidedly alone in a hotel room wondering how the hell he had fucked up the best thing he had going, he was sat at the kitchen table of Harry’s house head balanced on his palms as Nick leaned against the kitchen counter. He wasn’t ready to go and find Liam or the kids yet, and to be honest he didn't even know if Liam would want him anywhere near him or the children. It had been a long time since he had felt like as much as a failure as he had when he was sat in the car with Harry. Not only was his marriage potentially in tatters but there was a look of inconsolable, deep-rooted sadness in Harry’s eyes that he hadn’t shaken since he had heard the news about Alex. A sadness Louis had put there when he had forced Harry to rescue him each and every time he had done something stupid. Being a complete selfish prick it seems was something he could do well. And yet he still managed to attract the most kind, giving people – first Harry and then Liam. It was as if he was some sort of project they were desperately hoping to save.

 

“Cup of tea mate thought you might need it. Yorkshire splash of milk right?”

 

Louis startled slightly at Nick’s voice, drawn away from his thoughts by the thud of mug landing in front of him as Nick slumped into the seat next along, cup of coffee on the placemat in front of him. He watched as Nick traced his fingers along the edge of the mat- mats that Harry had obviously bought seeing as they were not corkboard like most normal people but some form of precious rock- a sad grimace etched on his lips.

 

“Ta mate. Didn't know you would have any of the normal stuff in. ”

 

His voice sounded rough. More morning after a heavy night out than he had expected.

 

“Had to maneuverer my through some extreme green tea shit to get it I’ll have you know. But it’s there – H always has a box in. “

 

Nick took a sip of coffee – years of experience of getting it down as soon as possible endless early mornings on the breakfast show allowing him to ignore that it was boiling hot- letting a moment of weighted silence to fall over the pair. Both of their concentrations on the people upstairs rather than in the room.

 

“You alright?”

 

If ending up with just him and Nick in Harry’s kitchen seemed odd, the fact the day had ended with Nick comforting him really took the biscuit. He was embarrassed – here he was with person who had seen what he had done to Harry when they broke up and had found out that he had slept with him when they were together- and yet he was looking at him with a genuine fucking look of concern. He could lie but there had been enough lies for a year this evening and he didn't have the energy anymore. He had a whole load of time coming up where he would have to wear a fake happy face; this evening he couldn’t face it.

“No. Not really. Bit shit in it.”

 

Nick nodded as he downed almost half of his remaining coffee, flipping his fringe off his face as he placed the cup back onto the table.

 

“Yeah. Don’t know what us buggers did to deserve H.”

 

Louis was surprised Nick had even acknowledged him in relation to Harry. His blunt honesty normally rubbed Louis up the wrong way but tonight he was grateful. He needed someone to understand how much tonight had shaken him. Talking to Liam was definitely not an option – Harry a bit of a bit a mute point even without all the shit hitting the fan. The fact that Nick wasn’t yelling at him was an incredibly welcome relief.

 

“I fucked up big time – in the past and now. Seeing Harry at the police station …. I’ve not felt that… that stupid and useless in a long time. And there is nothing I can do now to take away that hurt that I put there. “

 

Nick stayed silent letting Louis say what had obviously been trapped a long time. Seeing him like this, looking so lost and small, it was like seeing a different person. It was hard to be angry at someone who looked like the weight of the world had just hit him. At the end of the day despite what Louis done, Nick still had Harry.

 

“I’m sorry … I was selfish and thought he could just be mine and I …”

 

“Hey hey stop. “

 

Nick’s hand reached and grabbed Louis wrist to stop him scratching at it, just as he did with Alex when he was panicking.

 

“Thank you. For the apology I mean. It would be easy to blame all my problems with Harry on you but I can’t. We make our own bed right? And we aren’t breaking up. Just like you and Liam wont. Sure he’s going to be angry but he loves you so much – he ain’t the kinda guy just to give up when things get hard. “

 

He refused to let go of Louis’ wrist until it had stopped shaking and Louis had looked him in the eye.

 

“I .. I hope so. I cant loose him or the kids. I lost Alex to Harry through my own fault entirely and I cant do that again. I won’t. Won’t do to them what I went through.”

 

“You know he’s never told me what happened. That night he turned up at mine, I hated you. I hated what you had done to him and Alex. But no matter how much I asked back then or from that point on H would never tell me what happened to make him finally leave. It used to get me so annoyed thinking he wouldn’t tell me ‘cause in some he was still in love with you. But you know what I finally figured Louis- he didn't tell me because you ain’t that guy anymore. Sure I think you are a prick at points but the Louis now – the Louis who is the most amazing dad to those kids up there and is sat here with me instead of going out to a bar is not the one who I’m angry at. Find him again then I’ll get angry. ”

 

Louis’ eyes filled with tears for what must be the umpteenth time that day. He wasn’t even a crying person god dammit.

 

“That means a lot Grimshaw. Thanks. I… I needed that.”

 

Nick shrugged, tiredness blatant to see across his shoulders.

 

“All those hippy dippy things Harold has made me go to over the years paying off.”

 

“They are the worst aren’t they?”

 

His body felt slightly lighter and he felt himself genuinely smile for the first time all day.

 

“God I don’t miss those. The feeling of my aura through some weird group dance was the final straw. At least Liam only vaguely attempts the healthy eating shit after his talk from Harry.”

 

Nick’s head tilted back as he laughed, the sound filling the room, eyes crinkled at the corners and hair falling gently onto his face. Seeing him like this Louis could see what Harry fell for. This ‘soft’ version of Nick a far cry from the out-there well put together radio presenter, his sense of humour as loud as he was. This was the Nick of Harry’s songs. This was Harry’s Nick not the world’s.

 

_I see the smile as it starts to creep in_

_It was there; I saw it in your eyes_

 

“I’ll have to look out for that one. And sorry about that- don’t know what’s wrong with the occasional Greggs and cig if you ask me.”

 

“Yes mate. Does he still give you that look when…”

 

“When you go to have a cigarette and he looks at you as if you’ve let down the Queen or something and does that little huffy sigh. Oh yeah that hasn’t changed.”

 

“It’s no wonder who Alex has taken after with us two ey?”

 

Draining the last of his tea, he lifted himself slowly from the chair, knees clicking as he did so; years of football and bounding around a stage catching up with him. Maybe he really should start taking those shitty cod liver oil things Liam always puts out for him and he purposefully ignores. He claps Nick on the shoulder as he walks passed to wash his mug up in the sink. Anther thing past him wouldn’t have done. He used to leave the mugs lying round the palce – a game with Harry about which of them would break first. It was always Harry. Louis too much of a stubborn twat to give in. Liam had changed that. Liam had made him who he was today, just like Nick had made Harry who he was. They had grounded them; stopped them running.

 

“I’m going to go and find Liam.”

 

Nick nodded as he too stood, gesturing towards the door- cup firmly left on the table. Harry clearly loved a lost cause

 

“Yeah I’m going to go and find H- check Alex hasn’t thrown up on any irreplaceable rug or something.

 

Just before exiting the room, Nick lingered by the door for a second before turning to Louis with what was a tired attempt at a reassuring smile.

 

“He’ll forgive you Louis. Liam I mean. He loves you. You love him. It may not seem like it at the moment but it’s enough.”

 

 

* * *

 

It had taken quite a while to get Alex settled in bed. Getting him out of his clothes had been a task in itself. They had had to make several trips to bathroom to ensure nothing and no one ended up covered in sick. Oh the joys of parenting. If it wasn’t a bay throwing up, it was your drunken teenage son. Having successfully gotten Alex into bed, hair pulled up into a bun just in case, he made his way over to his own bedroom to grab some pyjamas – Nick’s old Beyoncé Kale t-shirt and some older than time Jack Wills flannel trousers the first and fastest things he could to reach. He didn't want to leave Alex too long on his own, primarily to make sure he hadn’t thrown up but a selfish reassurance he was ok. He was still there. Even at 17 he was still Harry’s baby. Still the one year old who had looked up at Harry with scared eyes when he had left Louis and had refused to go to nursery or leave Harry’s side until he was at least 5 years old.

 

“Dad.”

 

The croaky voice coming from Alex’s room, spurred him back into the room in record time; eyes dashing round for any sign of immediate danger. From what he could see Alex was still safely in bed and there was no smell or sight of sick to alert him of any problems either. Lying himself down next to Alex, he stroked his hand slowly through his hair, humming slightly to alert Alex of his presence without startling him.

 

“I’m here bud. What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

 

Alex rolled over towards him, instinctively snuggling up into him, brown curls fallen in front of his eyes.

 

“Wondered where you had gone.”

 

Harry allowed himself to wrap himself up around Alex , tucking his head over Alex’s.

 

_For when you’re lonely and forget who you are._

“I’m not going anywhere A. Not going anywhere.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And like that she magically reappears! Exams are over and I finally have my life back and with that brings a new chapter and a summer free to update as I like :D I hope everyone enjoys this new chapter and a HUGE thank you to everyone who is till reading. Let me know what you think! All my love xxx

Liam felt Louis standing by the door before he saw or heard him- an innate sense after all their time together. Normally it allowed him to feel safe, but this time knowing Louis was there just made him feel even more on edge; making him move his body even closer to the four children currently cuddled up on the bed together, finally asleep after the good half an hour it took to get them to settle. He had been relieved to hearAlex’s muffled voice earlier accompanied by staggered heavy steps along the hallway, the sound allowing his mind to stop racing if just for a moment. He may not be his biologically but Alex had as strong a place in his heart as any of the others who were. If anything had happened with Alex - neither his relationship with Louis or Nick and Harry’s would really recover. Him and Louis. Louis who would now be back in the house and who would be undoubtedly coming to find him any time soon but he wasn't ready to see him just yet. Talking to him would end up with him yelling or crying and he was too tired. Too tired for fighting and too tired to see Louis’ eyes reddening as Liam turned him away, especially as his mind was still replaying his conversation with Leo earlier from this evening. He had never thought the words Louis and divorce would go through his mind in one go and it was breaking his heart almost as much as what Louis had done. But Louis not coming to find them was never going to be an option and he could now see him lingering by the doorway from the corner of his eye. The light from the hallway was enough to see how tired he looked and he was thankful for the dark in the room hiding his own tear reddened face. 

 

“Alex is back. He’s ok… Well … he’s alive.”

 

Liam nodded before realising that Louis wasn't going to be able to see in the dark. He sounded beyond tired- Louis’ voice had always carried the weight of his problems, his expressiveDoncaster accent unable to mask what he was thinking- but worse of all he sounded nervous. The majority of Liam , the part of him that was still fuming with anger and hurt , thought Louis deserved to feel nervous about coming to see his family. He had after all been the one to throw it away and to lie to Liam for all these years about the worst few months of their lives but there was still a part of him that felt guilty for making Louis feel that way, especially having just picked up his son from a jail he himself had once been in. Guilty enough to make Liam want to forgive and forget everything now in this moment and just hug Louis close to him - make the pain in his voice go away. But as he looked across at Leo clutching his siblings towards him, towards the son Louis had let down and the family he risked in favour of a week of supposedly meaningless sex , Liam’s forgiving nature was easily squashed. Louis hurting him he could learn to forgive but hurting their…. his family… that was something he really couldn’t.

 

“Good.” 

 

He didn't know what he was expecting when he came to find Liam, but after his and Nick’s conversation he had begun to believe that maybe the time apart would have helped Liam to calm a little. The terse reply showed much to the contrary. Despite the darkness in the room he could still catch the outline of Liam in the corner. The jacket he had been wearing earlier dropped neatly over the back of the chair, tie wrapped round his palm as he fiddled with the end and his eyes refusing to look over towards Louis. 

 

“The kid’s ok when you picked them up?”

 

Liam’s grip tightened on the tie, brain filled with the image of Leo crying on their bed; Lola and Noah’s confusion and Matilda’s refusal to settle without Louis. 

 

“No. And that’s no thanks to you. Leo noticed your stuff was missing. ” 

 

Of course he did - bloody smart that boy no matter what he believed. It would explain the tense frown across Leo’s forehead and Louis instinctively moved into the room to take a step towards Leo on the bed. 

 

“Don’t. Don’t you dare touch him Louis. “

 

Nearer to Liam now, he could see the redness of his face but more than anything he could see what was the closest Louis had ever seen to hatred in Liam’s eyes. He almost wished that Liam would stop looking at him now instead of seeing him like this. Despite being a whisper, Liam’s voice held more weight and power than if he had been yelling. 

 

“Did you think about him when it was happening Louis? Did you think about your son who was very much alive at home crying wondering where his Dad was? I mean it was obvious you weren't thinking about me but where you thinking about him Louis?”

 

Louis looked like Liam had just stabbed him in the gut and in some vindictive way Liam was pleased. But more than anything he wanted to close his eyes and make this all go away; the stabbing pain in his heart, Leo’s sobs and the broken look on Louis’ face. He just wanted it all to stop. 

 

For a horrible moment no one moved, Louis wanting nothing more than to stay and to comfort Liam; to hold Leo tight and promise he wasn't leaving but Liam was not looking anywhere but at the floor. 

 

“Just go Louis. I … I don't want you here. Not tonight.” 

 

“Li…”

 

Liam’s voice shook as he replied.

 

“Please. Louis please just go.” 

 

He was relieved to hear the sound of Louis’ foot steps out the room; pleased for the first time Louis had actually done what he had asked. Maybe tomorrow it would stop hurting so much but right now all he could feel was his heart ripping itself to pieces. 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

The sound of footsteps past the spare room bedroom door was all it took to wake Harry up - call it ‘Dad sense’ but ever since Alex was born any unknown movement was enough to wake him from the deepest sleep. Before opening his eyes he was relieved to know the footsteps weren't Alex’s, his hand still wrapped up in his hair. He was thankful as well as it meant Alex hadn't moved in the night to throw up in bathroom or on anything else for that matter. Harry’s back twinged as he shifted, a night on a soft mattress opposed to his own supportive one not doing it any favours. Old man that he was now. He gently pushed himself up careful not disturb Alex and smiled as he saw Nick fast asleep on the sofa bed. He had heard him come into the room last night but was surprised to see had stayed. Undoubtedly Nick would be moaning later about his neck - what a pair the two of them were. 

 

6am. If he was lucky he would be able to get in a morning yoga session before anyone else was up. His back certainly needed it and some relaxation would undoubtedly come in handy before today. And he needed to make sure whoever was up was alright - especially if it was one of Liam’s and Louis’ children. Young kids wondering around an empty house was never a good idea. Thankfully, Alex did not notice his hand slipping away and Nick never woke easily after a long night - no matter how many times he claimed his breakfast show had trained him. 

 

After quickly changing clothes in their bed room and tying his hair in a bun, Harry made his way towards the kitchen. The soft sound of the tap running informed him that whoever else was up was there as well. Maybe it was Gem, she always had been an early riser. Or Liam.. God please don't let it be Liam. He wasn't ready to face that now. Not quite yet. And without someone nearby .. just in case. Man up Styles you’re bloody 35. Opening the door, he was greeted by a decidedly un Gemma like figure and one too tall and broad to be Liam, leaning against the kitchen counter. 

 

“Oh sorry Harry .. I didn't disturb you did I?” 

 

“No no don't worry Freddie. I just wanted to check whoever was up was ok. What you doing up so early?”

 

“Rowing race at 9. Like to get up before hand and do some stretches. He ok? Al I mean.”

 

Harry remembers now Alex mentioning something about Freddie applying for either Oxford or Cambridge for a rowing scholarship. Not a surprise really seeing as the guy looks like a walking Abercrombie model, making his kitchen counter look more like a Nike photo shoot in his tight sports leggings and old Harvard University jumper that must be his Dad’s. 

 

He walked over to the fridge before replying,grabbing two green juice bottles and throwing one over in Freddie’s direction.

 

“Nothing a good load of paracetamol and water wont fix. Here take this. S’good before a long day. Congratulations by the way on making England Under 18’s -Alex told me. Never seen him so excited.”

 

Freddie laughed, his brown hair flopping on to his forehead as caught the bottle easily with one hand.

 

“Thanks for this! And thank you. I think he was more excited than me to be honest.”

 

“He’s like that- just like me I suppose. Get’s invested in everything he does. Too bloody invested sometimes.”

 

Smiling sadly, Freddie hoped up onto the work counter before replying.

 

“He really loves you you know. Always worrying about you when you go away or wondering if you’ll approve of what he does. Literally the first thing he says to me when anything happens is ‘I wonder what Dad would think.’ And .. I think .. I think he blames himself for you and Nick fighting as well as you and Louis breaking up. I feel awful telling you this.. but I cant watch him doing this to himself anymore. I don't know how to stop him. I knew things were bad but seeing last night…. I’ve never been so scared. There’s so much about him he wont tell you but I think he’s just afraid that you’ll be disappointed …” 

 

“I would never be…”

 

“Show him that. Your opinion is the only one that really matters. I cant lose him. I cant…”

 

In three strides Harry had reached Freddie pulling into a hug; something he could sadly guarantee he hadn't had in months. 

 

“We aren't loosing him Freddie. You and Me. I’m not letting him disappear. I promise.” 

 

A promise to Freddie but more than anything a promise to himself.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S BACK!!! I had my doubts I would ever come back to this due especially to a case of extreme writers block and whole load of life thrown my way. But i have finally done it and it make's me so so happy to get to write this world again. I would like to say a massive thank you to everyone who has ever read this story and has asked me about when it is coming back as you are the one's who have encouraged me to start writing again. I hope you enjoy this new chapter and look forward to many more! I also plan on starting one of my other fics again as well - let me know which one you want to see updated first. 
> 
> Much love 
> 
> xx

He had only just let Freddie out and sat down at the kitchen table to enjoy the last of his smoothie before the madness he had no doubt today was going to bring when the kitchen door creaked open. The yoga sessions had helped clear his mind as it always did - no matter how much Nick and Alex teased him about it- but he still couldn't get Freddie’s words or the sight of Alex at the station last night out of his mind. All he wanted to do was take Alex, pick up his girls and run away somewhere safe where nothing bad could happen and the world or more importantly the press couldn't get to them. Harry knew he was like a mother lion with his children but they were his whole world and it wasn't like it would be impossible - he wasn't modest enough to be ignorant to the fact that he certainly had the money to make it happen. But he knew more than anything that it would never really fix anything. Past experience could tell him that. It may be almost 20 years but he would never forget all of the times he had tried to take Louis away from everything; the secret trips away to the Lake District and the Caribbean that not even the fans had ever caught on to. Instead of solving anything, Harry had just been left terrified and desperate as he watched Louis lash out first verbally and then physically; his words as or if not more painful than the way he shoved Harry against the wall, before he began to shake with withdrawal.Rationally he knew that what was going on with Alex was nowhere near that level of rock bottom, but as his mother always said, his heart was too big for its own good. Every blow - big or small- hitting him just the same. 

 

“Must be really bad if you’re peeling off the bottle label like that.” 

 

Harry snorted as he looked up to see Louis - looking more tired if that was possible than the night before- leaning his elbows onto the top of a dining chair across from him, eyebrow raised towards the remnants of the label littering the table. He hadn't even realised he was doing it- a automatic nervous reflex he had had since the days of the X-Factor. As was the smile he would give people when they caught him out. 

 

“Nothing changes ey. I’m fine.. just tired is all…”

 

Louis sighed pointedly before pulling himself onto the chair he had been leaning onto and taking the bottle Harry was fiddling with out of his hands. 

 

“You may be an Oscar winning actor H but that smile was as convincing as shit.”

 

Hating the empty feeling now the bottle had gone, Harry clasped his hands together before leaning his chin onto them as he looked at Louis’ eyes; the fact he must have been crying recently unnoticeable to anyone who hadn't spent years looking into them.

 

“‘ ‘M Just worried about Alex. Freddie was talking about how worried he is and I just feel….”

 

“It’s not your fault Harry. Alex is not a baby any.. “

 

Harry ran his hands through his hair before slamming them on to the table. 

 

“He is still my baby though Louis! It’s still my job to protect him from stuff like this . To fucking notice when he stops eating or goes missing. It shouldn't take a trip to police station and the words ofhis best friend to make me realise something is wrong with my son.I mean it’s taken me all of five seconds to realise Liam didn't let you in last night but I cant notice when my son is slipping… ” 

 

“You are not the only one hurting here. Alex is not just your’s Harry.”

 

The cutting tone of Louis’ voice was enough to stop Harry mid sentence. 

 

“Louis…”

 

Louis pushed away the hand Harry was reaching towards him. 

 

“No H. It’s not just you who should have noticed something was wrong - if it’s your fault, it’s my fault too. Sod that it’s all of our faults. Yes you maybe the one he looks to more than anything but that doesn't mean it’s all down to you…” 

 

“He loves you , you know that…”

 

He couldn't take the sad eyes Harry was giving right now, instead staring out at the back garden over his shoulder as he spoke again. 

 

“I know that. But I am well aware I gave up the right to be the person you are to him a long time ago. Yes seeing him turning to you is hard H but you know what’s harder? Watching him destroy himself at the same way I destroyed myself and you at the same time. And then to top it all off, my own husband - for a damn good reason - cant even bloody stand to look at me and wont let me near the children I have actually managed to be a decent dad to.”

 

“Dad?”

 

Both Harry and Louis’ heads immediately turned towards the quiet voice at the door. 

 

“You ok Leo? You’re up awful early.”

 

Quickly rubbing at his face to wipe away any stray tears that may have fallen without him realising, Louis turned towards the door offering his arm out towards Leo. It didn't take more than a few seconds for Leo to be tucked up under his harm and for Louis to be hosting him onto his lap. 

 

“God you’re getting big - don't know how long your old dad’s knees are going to be able to stand this.” 

 

The sound of Leo’s laugh was more welcome than ever as he leaned his head onto Louis’s shoulder. 

 

“I think it’s just you getting old dad. Ava kept kicking me.” 

 

“Takes after Pops there I’m afraid. Your dad has always been a terrible sleep fidgeter in his sleep. He asleep now?”

 

He felt Leo nod against his chest. Louis coolant help but hold that bit tighter onto Leo as he snuggled into his chest - taking every opportunity he could to hold on to him before Liam could come down.

 

“Yeah he’s asleep in the chair - managed not to wake him on my way out. Is.. Is Alex ok?”

 

“Don’t worry bud your brother is going to be just fine. Not so much this morning mind you…”

 

* * *

 

There was a brief moment when he woke up when, everything was ok. Where it was if nothing had happened and he could just enjoy the quiet moments of morning before he had to get up. And then he opened his eyes. 

 

“ Oh my god I’m going to puke.”

 

Thankfully he made it to the bathroom and managed to slam the toilet lid up before the first surge of bile arrived. If he thought any previous hangover was bad, the banging in his head and the tidal wave of nausea that rushed through him was at least 300 times more horrific. What made it even worse, if that was even possible, was that with every pounding thud flashes of last night started to come back to him. 

Leaning his head against the cool marble of the toilet, Alex groaned as the sinking realisation of what must have happened sunk in. 

 

“I’m so dead.” 

 

Only when he was confident that he wasn't about to throw up again did he move back into the bedroom, noting without much surprise Nick fast asleep on the sofa in front of him. At least he hadn't woken up with his ‘toilet trip’ , Alex didn't think he could face a lecture quiet yet. He had no doubt that he was going to get enough today as it was. No what he needed right now was water, a shit ton of black coffee and some of those american pain killer’s that Harry had brought back from his last trip to see Jeff. Sure the America may be the reason his Dad was never at home but they sure as hell made the most effective hangover cures. 

 

Grabbing a hoody that was hanging on the back of the door - the donut one that his Dad for some unknown reason was still obsessed with - Alex out the room praying that there would be no one else in the kitchen. He had no doubt Harry would be up - the fact that he wasn't there in the room when he woke up enough for him to know that. But if he had any luck, he would be off doing some Yoga or running shit. 

 

He was impressed with how quietly and successfully he managed to get downstairs; well apart from the few time he had had to lean against the wall to stop the world spinning. Any sense of achievement was soon lost with a considerable thud when he opened the kitchen door. Only he would have the luck to want to run into no one and end with both os his Dad’s and Leo. Well at least Leo could act as a witness to the verbal assault he was about to face . 

 

“Talk of the devil and he appears ey?”

 

“Ughh why are you talking so loudly?.”

 

“Bit hungover - not really surprising after last night Alexander.”

 

Harry’s voice was like a hammer to his already his splitting headache, especially with that oh so promising use of his full name. He couldn't bring himself to walk any further, choosing instead to slump against the closest wall. He could blame it on the new oncoming wave of nausea but if he was honestthe desire to stay as far away from his dads as possible was far more key.

 

“Lost the ability to speak? According to the police officer last night you were quite the chatty catchy.”

 

Alex was well aware Louis had a cutting tongue but normally he was witnessing aimed at other people. Rubbing his hand through his fringe to avoid Louis’ piercing stare, Alex remained staring at the floor as he spoke again.

 

“Can.. I .. I have some water please?”

 

If it were another time and place, hell if it were another person, Harry would have found it quite funny how pathetic Alex looked when he was hungover. Face puffy - he had obviously thrown up already, hair fluffy and his normal confident posture transformed into a slouch. But now, not even Alex actually remembering to use the word please - a decidedly rare occurrence when he was at home- could change how annoyed he felt and how scared he had been last night. Sighing tiredly, Harry pulled himself up and pointed at the table. 

 

“Sit down. I’ll get you some water.” 

 

“I think I’ll stay….”

 

“Sit down Alexander.” 

 

There was no way he was arguing with that tone. He was so utterly screwed. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think - drop me a comment and if you enjoyed it I would if youy left a kudos or hit the subscribe button x


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm officially done with education for the summer so writing can go back to normal!! Thank you so much for everyone who has stuck with this story and also thank you to those who have just found the story. I am so grateful for all of you. I hope you enjoy the new chapter and please send a comment to let now what you think or if you have any ideas as to what you want to see happen. Much Love x

Any plans he had to sit as far away from his Dad and brother were quickly ended by the steely blue glare Louis sent him as he pointedly pulled out the chair next to him. If he were feeling less fragile or if he knew is ass wasn't already 700 kinds of screwed he may have argued but today was not the day to mess his dad around. His Dad’s bite may have been notorious when his parents were in the band but the years since then had by no means lessened its sting. Normally it wasn't being directed his way- Louis always leaving Harry to deal with when Alex got into trouble- but he had overheard enough business men and seen Harry fall victim to it on numerous occasions. And shit me no wonder people were slightly terrified of him. It took an embarrassingly long time before Alex actually reached the table; each step bringing with it a fresh new wave of nausea. By the time he sat down Harry was back at the table holding a large glass of water. 

 

“Drink this. And if you think you’re gunna hurl try and give us a warning. I’m sure your brother would prefer that the sink got splattered instead of him.”

 

Despite feeling like death, Alex couldn't help but smirk at the look of abs9olute horror that took over Leo’s face. God he wished he was that innocent again. His voice when he tried to speak was horribly croaky so he took a small gulp before he tried again. 

 

“This little bro - is why you should never drink.”

 

Louis couldn't help but laugh as he ruffled his hand through Alex’s hair; fingers catching themselves in the soft curls at the nape of his neck as they used to do with Harry.

 

“Maybe you should take your own advice mister.”

   

Alex’s reply was almost unintelligible in the muffle it became from the way he had leant his head on to the table. Although Alex was definitely in most respects a ‘Styles’, hungover Alex was most  no doubt full out Louis . 

 

“Yeah I could. But where would be the fun in that….”  

 

“God if I haven't heard that phrase before coming from  the mouth of a Tomlinson.”

 

As amusing as Alex’s groan at Liam’s was voice, any humour quickly vanished with weight of the events of the night before sinking in Harry’s chest. It wasn't hard for him to imagine how heartbroken Liam must be right now- could see it in the his posture as he slumped himself against the door frame and the distant look in his eyes despite the smile he was putting on for Alex and Leo. And Liam had every right be upset - Lord knows he’d reacted to worse to rumours abut Louis cheating on him.  But even knowing how he’d reacted in the past still didn't make watching the way Louis held Leo that bit closer to him- obviously worried that Liam would pull him away-any easier. It would hard for anyone to witness but for Harry the pain Louis and Liam were in was that much more present; the scene in front of him strikingly familiar to when he had watched Louis with the same hawk like vision Liam was doing when he had first started letting Louis see Alex. When it was him and not Liam lingering anxiously in the door way. He knew Liam was just trying to protect his children - and Harry was notorious in his efforts to do that- but this Louis was not the person you needed to protect anyone from. What stood out most to Harry, perhaps now as a Dad of three and used to looking out for a child’s response, was not the tension between Liam and Louis but how Leo seemed to be clutching Louis’s jumper that bit closer back- as if he already knew something was wrong. Harry leapt to his feet , feeling on edge regardless of the fact he was in his own house. 

 

“Ain’t that the truth. Can .. I um get you anything Liam?” 

 

Despite it not reaching his eyes, Harry was more than a little surprised at the smile he got in return. Then again he reminded himself Liam always had been the most consulate professional and right now they had an audience - be it only Alex and Leo. 

 

“A coffee- please”

 

“I’ll have one too actually H.”

 

Louis felt the weight of Liam’s gaze on him when he spoke; a feeling he normally welcomed -selfish in his seeking of Liam’s attention. But today it just made him feel uneasy - a cold weight and not the normal flutter hitting his chest. 

 

“But Dad I thought you always had tea in the morning?” 

 

“ You don't miss a trick do you Leo ….” 

 

Alex pulled his head off the table to down the remnants of his water glass and before he cracked a smile at Leo, who smiled back earnestly in return. Leo’s need for approval from Alex was  a constant  topic of contention within their group and although Louis thought it was something quite endearing to see, he was also not blind to the fact that Alex’s larger than life personality was one that could easily squash Leo’s much more Liam like reserved nature. In some ways Louis found it almost nostalgic of the days of the X factor when Harry's used to follow him round like a lost puppy. Thankfully Alex was well aware of his brother’s idolisation of him and although he had been known to abuse that, he was more than not even more protective of Leo than any of his other brothers or sisters. Knowing almost innately when his brother needed a boost without Leo ever having to ask. 

 

“Dad your love affair with tea is like older than time … it’s like Dad and yoga and that custard creme stash he has hidden at the back of the cupboard. 

 

 Even Liam couldn't stop himself from laughing at the affronted look on Harry’s face as he turned back from the coffee machine. 

 

“Heeyyyy….”

 

“Busted H..

 

It was easy to forget in that moment, the five of them laughing in the kitchen almost like any other day and for the first time since last night Liam felt a little lighter inside. It didn't mean he didn't feel a surge of anger at seeing Leo in Louis’ arms - the son he had forgotten about in his grief - he didn't feel insecure at the innate connection between Harry and Louis or  he wasn't devastated by the confirmation of his fears but this was still his family. Fucked up for sure but still surviving. No matter what happened between him and Louis. Moving towards the table he could feel Louis’ eyes on him as they tried to search out Liam’s face for a reaction to him being there with Leo on his lap and Harry a breathing distance away. Call him a coward but he really couldn't deal with it just yet. He was an open book to Louis and he wasn't sure he wanted the pages to be read just yet. His thoughts not something Liam wanted anyone to witness - the blatant insecurities laid bare- especially when he didn't even know what he wanted just yet. As horrible as it was going to be, he knew he needed to talk to Harry first before he made any decisions and with one look in those ocean blue eyes he would falter. He would let him back in to their house and into that special corner of his heart always reserved fro him before he had forgiven him. While it may seem the prefect solution, to allow a facade of a life to continue it would only end in heartbreak. As ironic as it seemed now, Liam had enough evidence to the fact from he demise of Harry and Louis. From the secrets Harry kept from them about Louis slipping away. The ret of them weren't ignorant of course - the shadows of addiction hard to ignore- but they didn't see the full extent. Nor had they ever been told. While Liam was close to the truth than most from the fragments Louis had told him - alone in the dark; whispered conversations. He had no doubt Harry would always remain tight lipped on the very worst moments. And maybe that hurt as well, his and Louis’ worst belonging to Harry too. It wasn't just theirs. It made him feel horrible to even think- how could he be jealous over a disease that had almost killed his husband. 

 

“Coffee for you.” 

 

Harry’s rasping voice interrupted his train of thoughts, the edges of his mouth tugging upwards in gratitude. 

 

“Cheers. “ 

 

“The wanderer is awake I see!” 

 

Ed’s booming voice  and the responding groan from Alex was a welcome interruption. 

 

“Oh my god Ed…. Why so loud?”

 

Undeterred by the groan and Alex’s hands covering his ears in complaint, Ed stroad over and ruffled his hair.

 

“Surprised you’ve not met been killed by the firing squad yet.” 

 

Harry let out a low chuckle. 

 

“Oh believe me there is plenty of time still left for that - thought we’d wait for Nick to be up as well before we started thought.”

 

Alex’s head hitting the table and the melodramatic mumble still audible through the mass of hair falling over his face was enough to set off another round of laughter around the room. 

 

“I officially hate my life.”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed I would love for you to drop a comment or a kudos <3

**Author's Note:**

> How I imagine Alex :  
> http://www.last.fm/music/Harry+Styles/+images/82947559  
> http://www.last.fm/music/Harry+Styles/+images/91230663  
> http://img6.bdbphotos.com/images/orig/o/v/ovb0san3gy1xvo0y.jpg?djet1p5k  
> http://hllnz1dfanfic.tumblr.com/post/82894271575/alex-in-welcome-to-the-family-d-x- photo in chapter 2 idea
> 
> Freddie:  
> http://img6.bdbphotos.com/images/orig/o/v/ovb0san3gy1xvo0y.jpg?djet1p5k  
> http://hllnz1dfanfic.tumblr.com/post/82894341717/freddie-in-welcome-to-the-family-d-x
> 
> I'm going to try and post photos as we go along linked to each chapter :D


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